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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

back arching

10 replies

rattie77 · 06/03/2010 11:28

My 16 month old has started arching his back, throwing head back etc, when not happy about doing things such as going to other people. One of his nursery workers went to take him from me the other day as he is quite clingy at the moment and she was trying to distract him so I could leave, he arched his back and threw back his head and hurt her mouth in the process. Is this "naughty" and deliberite and should he be disciplined or is it a normal reaction as he didn't want to go with her?

I felt really bad for her (and him too as he was upset), but am uncertain if it is the start of temper tantrums or not. Any advice?

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addictedtolatte · 06/03/2010 11:33

the back arching and throwing the head back are very normal my nephews and now my 21 month ds does it. i dont think they do it intentionly to be naughty or hurt anyone they are just expressing the fact they do not want to do what you are trying to make them do if that makes sense. the best you could probably be do is warn people when he is going through this phase cos it is phase it will pass

meandjoe · 06/03/2010 18:04

Yep normal, I think it is the start of him expressing his own opinions and letting out his temper. My ds did it all the time whn he didn't want to do something. He doesn't do it now he's older (2.6) now he just says 'NO I'M NOT DOING THAT!' and runs away .

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/03/2010 19:01

Totally normal expression of opinion. Most (if not all) DCs do it. Mine did it especially when they didn't want to go back into the buggy, eg after leaving the park. At this age, the best thing to do is to try and distract, or make a game out of whatever you are doing.

No, it's not naughty (of course he did not mean to hurt the nursery worker, he is far too young to have any idea of the effect of his behaviour) -and he shouldn't be disciplined.

GoddessInTheKitchen · 06/03/2010 19:05

quick tip, if you can't get them to sit in the buggy then tickling their little sides usually does the job rather than physically trying to bend a child

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/03/2010 19:06

Goddess - that's a good one - I also used to "fly" mine into the buggy and make aeroplane noises. Didn't always work

BertieBotts · 06/03/2010 20:15

That is a great idea Goddess, I am ashamed to say I have gone for method in the past where you just hold them in place with your knee and do up the straps as quickly as possible (knees being stronger than hands/arms)

You have to remember when they do first start having tantrums that they aren't doing it to be manipulative or get their own way - they are just SO frustrated about that particular thing - even if it seems like a tiny, insignificant thing to get worked up about to you - and their emotions take over because they haven't learned to control them yet. They don't mean to hurt others or themselves by doing this, they just lose control. DS is always throwing himself on the floor at the slightest thing at the moment, especially when he is tired, and I just hold my hand behind his head ready to catch it and cushion him a bit. He screams angrily for a few seconds, then I do something interesting and noisy across the room and he gets up and comes to see what I am doing. Whereas if I let himhit his head, then he cries because he is hurt.

You should just wait until the tantrum is finished and carry on as before - so if they were asking for a drink then got frustrated and tantrummed then it's okay to give them the drink (as they were thirsty) but for example if they are asking for juice instead of water and you want them to just have water then it's okay to keep offering the water and refusing the juice. And distraction! Especially if you have had to take something off him, as he is much too young to understand "You might hurt yourself with that".

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/03/2010 20:28

Bertie - yes, a gentle persuasive knee is also a method I have used when all else failed.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/03/2010 20:32

And I agree with Bertie about not changing your plans in response to a tantrum - because later on they will learn that a tantrum will get a response they want.

Best to avoid in the first place (tiredness/hunger), distract, ignore, keep calm.

Original poster

rattie77 · 08/03/2010 11:42

Thanks evryone, for your advice, know in my heart he wasn't being naughty but just felt so guilty that nursery worker had been hurt!.

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 08/03/2010 18:34

rattie - welcome to the world of being embarrassed/ashamed/mortified by your DCs behaviour ....

< remembers back to splendid theatrical tantrums >

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