Hysterical baby - please help!

[PenguinJunk]

My DS is 9 months old (was born 7 weeks prem, so 7.5 months corrected). He's always been a dreadful sleeper but currently he's going into meltdown several times in the night and I'm at my wits end.

He just wakes up and starts screaming and doesn't seem to be able to stop himself. He's screaming himself hoarse. Sometimes taking him outside works, sometimes singing works, but sometimes nothing works and I keep getting to the point where I really think I might kill him.

I don't rush to him as soon as he makes a peep and he used to be able to settle himself to sleep.

He has been pushing teeth through, but most came through without these hysterics. Instead, they started a few days after a bought of food poisoning. This happened several months ago and seemed to occur as the result of an HV trying controlled crying with him. That time I could only cope by carrying him around in a sling. Now he's too big for that.

Please, before I do something very terrible, can you give me some advise?

Put his coat on, pop him into his pram and take him for a walk, this normally helps (alot).

I'm sure it will but I'm in my pjs, its a big dark city out there and I desperately need some sleep. Walking him several times through the night is just not feasible. Should I expect this to just go on night after night?

is he hungry? if he's been unwell and teething, he might well want the feeding for hunger and comfort

what does soothe him back to sleep? if anything?

taking him in your bed? rocking him? sitting with him in your lap? dummy? feeding?

controlled crying definitely a no no as you know at this young age

have you tried going in to him as soon as he makes a peep so that he doesn't get to the hysterical stage?

have you tried having him in bed with you?

No, it does get easier, there's no time frame though as each child is different. I had no sleep for 3 years so I feel for you. I resorted to going to see the GP and getting him something to help him sleep but I couldn't bring myself to give it to him.

The first thing you need to do is stay calm, they can tell if their carer/mum is upset and it makes them worse (I know it's easier said then done, leave him to cry in his cot for a little while if it helps, it won't do him any harm). He's crying for a reason, once you've one through the obvious nappy/feed/cold/hot etc then there's not alot you can do. If you have a garden then put him in his pram and walk around that, the night air does help so much. Have you spoken to the HV about this to see what she/he has to offer?

I play different sounds to him - waves, wombsounds, rain - and these work sometimes if I ring the changes. however, my sleep advisor wants me to stop using these sounds because she says I'll set up problems for the future.

Feeding him does settle him but I feed him 3 or 4 times in the night as it is and really don't need to add in extra feeds.

I'm so glad you don't agree with controlled crying, Lulumaam, it seems to be all that's on offer when I talk to HVs. I'm using techniques from the No Cry Sleep Solution but this doesn't cover hysterics. My sleep advisor thinks he is just playing up when he cries. I don't want to disagree with her because she's my last hope for getting some sleep.

maybe worms?? Have you tried going in right away before he gets too awake? Light outside? Cold? Heating coming on? Missing a dummy/comfort toy? Scared of the dark?

What do you think triggered it?

playing up?? he's a 7 month old baby

he is most likely unsettled due the illness, and the best thing you cna do, although it is exhausting for you, is to be there to comfort him, if he takes a bottle, then cna your DH feed once in teh night, so you can get some rest?

maybe having him in bed with you would be good, so he knows you are close?

crying is the only way he can communicate, he is distressed, hence the hysteria, and it might be trial and error to find what soothes him

closeness, feeds, cuddles will help.

it is normal and natural for a 7.5 month old who's been unwell and teething to want and need his caregiver in the night

my DCs are 10 and 4 and if ill, they get in my bed... !

hope things settle for you soon

i think you should ditch the sleep advisor!!

you know, he's really only a baby still. my ds3 is 9 months too, and I can't imagine trying to sleep train him at all.

we did use the no cry sleep solution with ds2 when he was 9 or 10 months though (as he was waking almost hourly!) and it did help a bit.

sometimes we just have to do what works. you're sleep deprived, he's been poorly and wants you... just do whatever needs doing to settle him and get you the max amount of sleep possible.

there is plenty of time to worry about bad habits or sleep training or all the rest of it once this is over, but right now do what you need to do!

my 2 yr old has phases of coming into bed with me. dp was initially wary of teaching him bad habits, but once he feels happier/better he stops doing it again.

I like to have him in bed but because of the bad times I've had I'm on too much medication to risk falling asleep with him. We are trying to reintroduce a bottle so my DH can feed him. Unfortunately he is away during the week.

I sometimes think he is afraid of the dark but for a good time up until the illness he was quite relaxed in his cot in the dark. He's screams so much that he doesn't notice whether his dummy is there or not. He doesn't calm down when cuddled :-(

I do agree that he's too young to be 'playing up'. Its a relief to have someone endorse that.

do you have space in your room that you could push his cot up against you bed? we ended up doing that with ds2, we took one side off, and just pushed it right up so that he was in his own cot, but still right next to me

also, it might be worth taking him to the GP and jut having him checked over. perhaps there is something making him uncomfortable at night? ear ache can sometimes be worse when you are lying down for example

You poor thing op

We had a time before Christmas when our ds was around 7.5 mth old and went through something like this, although it was just the first half of the night. He would go down to sleep then wake up an hour later screaming. He was inconsolable and would scream for up to three hours.

We found to stop his hysteria we had to take him downstairs and completely changing his environment as cio and trying him to settle didn't work - putting him in his babyswing for a few minutes was really useful, and also bouncing him. Within a few minutes he would go from hysterics to sobbing to smiling .

We also treated this fairly aggressively as we believed that there was something clearly causing him to wake in discomfort or pain. Our Hv suggested dosing with calpol or infant neurofen before bed in case it was teething pain. As he had also just got over a sicky bug too we took him to the doctor ad I asked if he could prescribed anti-reflux medication in case it was heartburn if his stomach was irritated. We also put a couple of catalogues under the mattress to raise his head.

All this seemed to work - he started sleeping through for the first time ever. We only medicated him for five days as we forgot one night and he slept through anyway.

Maybe it's worth taking your ds to the doctor - it sounds like something is causing him discomfort, and it may be reflux or stomach irritation if he has had food poisoning?

So can sympathise it is hellish but it honestly will get better

How awful. I'd second a lot of the comments here - do whatever helps, but I find with mine, if she gets really unsettled, actually taking her out of her bedroom until she is calm and relaxed again before trying to settle her again.

We never did controlled crying either - DD didn't sleep through until she was about 14 months old but is mostly a good sleeper now (bit haywire at the moment but thats another story!!)

Poor you, that sounds awful. Had lots of trouble over the years with my DS sleeping and it is the worst thing. The murderous thoughts at 3am with a sobbing child....not a happy place to be.

I think you should take him to Gp to be checked over. This doesn't sound good or normal, and am guessing by his age you have recently started weaning him too, so that plus the food poisoning may well have irritated his stomach. What is he like during daytime naps? Does he wake up screaming then? Is he generally contented when awake in the day?

Although I am not anti-CC in general, I don't think controlled crying is intended for an hysterical baby. There is a world of difference between a whingy cry and an hysterical one.

ANd finally, the big phrase of MN, this is a phase. It will end, things will be better, and then for whatever reason they will lapse again. Do whatever you can to get some sleep yourself right now so you can think clearly. Perhaps a safe space in your bed (I used to make a nest with cushions under the sheet) while Dh is away or something.

Good luck.

You don't mention - sorry if this is obvious - but have you tried calpol again? And walking him around/up and down stairs for 20 minutes while it kicks in. DS completely changed his teething behaviour for each set of teeth which came through, so I remember struggling with him for about 3 nights saying "It can't be teeth, he doesn't act like this when he has got teeth coming through" and eventually XP just got the calpol bottle and thrust it at me and said "He's probably got a headache from crying now anyway" - but it did work, and it did turn out to be teeth.

Also I used a bedside cot, have you thought of that? - you can feed/cuddle him to sleep in bed and then scoot him over into his own space once he is really deeply asleep (If he wakes when you move him try getting him to sleep on a thick blanket or cot quilt and then sliding that over with him on it). The sides of the cot stop you from being able to roll on him and he is still close enough to be comforted when he wakes (or be easy to feed)

You poor thing, it's so bloody draining at times isn't it?

DD (same age as corrected) sometimes wakes up during the night sobbing her heart out, after exhausting just about everything (including one night getting into the bath with her at 4am ), I found that a dose of Nurofen, teething gel, being swaddled, and some fresh air by the back door worked wonders. As well as me singing "You are my sunshine" through gritted teeth

Hang on in there. It will pass. You just have to try your best until then. If only they had manuals huh?

Oh the other thing we were going to do but didn't need to do was to wake him before he could wake us as he was waking at fairly predictable times.

If we had ruled out any physical cause for him waking (hunger, discomfort etc) we were going to set our alarm (gah) before we knew he would be likely waking and then rousing him, dream feeding then settling while still sleepy. So if he was initially waking because he was going through a light phase of sleep and becoming a habit, we would break it.

If you have ruled out every single physical cause and had him checked over, maybe try this? Never done it but have heard that this can work really well.

Has he been checked for reflux?

It sounds like he could be in pain. Try raising the head end of his cot a little.

Is he settled in the day? Can you sleep if he does in the day til this passes?

Hi there, we just about survived the night and in no small part thanks to all your messages.

I am going to make a docs appt for Mon to check his ears and maybe look into reflux. We suspected the latter before, its not uncommon with prems, but the gaviscon seemed to make him more sick so gave up. Curiously, I have only just taken his cot head end off the props...

He's been right off solids today so perhaps has a bit of a cold (his nose is so runny with the teething its hard to tell) or is simply just run down.

I also think you are right about ditching the sleep advisor. So much advice goes against instinct and it screws with my head. There's something about western thinking on bringing up babies that still seems to believe that love and hugs simply spoils them...

He's also probably really really tired after being unwell and then starting to wake so he's not relaxing into a deep enough sleep, so keeps waking, a vicious circle.

I don't disagree with leaving to have a little whinge for a few minutes, but this is different if he's getting hysterical.

Hope things get easier.

You poor thing - my ds cried incolsolably for 4.5 months (day and night)and I was absoloutely at my wits end. He had reflux and was started on ranitidine (it stops the stomach making so much acid, as opposed to the gaviscon which just forms a raft on top of the stomach contents and is not always terribly effective).He started to improve slowly when he started solids as they are thicker and easier to keep in the stomach - but still has problems, and is worse after milk feeds.
At this stage I wouldn't worry about creating problems in the future - just do whatever it takes to get you through now. My sister bought me toptips from the baby whisperer:sleep. She came home for Xmas with the idea that if she followed the book, the problem would be solved - bless, but ds just screamed at her too odly enough. I'm not sure i subscribe to the whole this book will change you life idea, but I was at the stage where I didn't care if i supported the theory or not, as long as it made a difference in practice, even if it was a small one.I was quite sceptical as nothing would seem to help ds when he was screaming and I don't think that the same set of "rules" can be applied to each baby, but I found that some of the techniques did help to calm him, although it did take about a month before I saw consistent benefits. The author also has some theories on how to "regain the trust of a child who has been left to cry it out" I'm certainally not suggesting you have lost your son's trust ( i'm not sure such a thing is possible in a baby this young) you could possibly pick some of the suggestions you feel you could work with, and adapt them to suit you. I tried anything and everything, but found that letting ds cry just made him worse, he certainally never just stopped and went to sleep without any intervention. I was lucky as my husband and I would take him for an hour each (something the book i mentioned is dead against, but there is only so long of solid screaming that one human can take) Is there any possibility of a friend/relative who knows you both staying for just 1 night so that you could get some sleep? - They could try wearing a t-shirt of yours so that they have your scent when they go to him.
My HV referred me to a scheme where a NNEB came for 1.5hours a week to give me some time out - I used it to catch up on sleep - ASK if there is anything like that that could help you. Sorry this is so long - I used to get really annoyed with all the well meaning suggestions that yes I had tried, and no the didn't help, but having been there I can really empathise with you, and hope things improve soon.
As a last thought - are you bfeeding, and if so has any medication or anything changed that might be affecting him?

i would take him into bed with me.

How has the rest of the w/e gone? Sounds like you need to prop the cot up again, maybe that will help?

There is always loads of conflicting advice about everything - I got myself into a total muddle trying to breastfeed twins with so much different advice I gave up in the end. The best advice anyone gave me was, go with whatever advice you feel most comfortable, and smile sweetly but ignore the rest.

Hope things improve for you all.