Do you think time out is appropriate for a 2yr old?

[Supercherry]

Or is it a little harsh?

For example, if my 2yr old DS hits or throws something at my 4mth old DS2, I give one warning saying something like, 'DS, we do not hit, if you hit DS2 again you will leave the room'. I put DS1 outside the room if the behaviour is repeated and shut the door for about 30 seconds and then let him back in, repeat 'we do not hit', ask him to say sorry and have a hug.

It doesn't appear to be working, I'm not even sure he gets it but I can't allow him to keep hitting people, especially his baby brother.

I feel terribly guilty sometimes that DS1 is just a baby too but I have to do something don't I?

Prior to using time out, I had been attempting to ignore, distact etc as much as possible but it seems he just enjoys hittng people. Although not clear from this post, I do try to prevent the hitting etc in the first place but sometimes my reactions just don't get there in time.

Yes

I have been using the naughty step for a while, ds is two in a few weeks. He is very clear on the concept now, prob did take a while though.

At this age I'm not sure if it prevents impulsive bad behaviour, so I do still employ distraction techniques but it has taught him that hurting others is unacceptable. He was a bit of a biter and that has stopped.

I think that time out might be a bit beyond a 2yo.

Why don't you try focusing on DS2. Give all your attention to the 'victim', cuddling and comforting him and making sure that DS1 gets absolutely no attention.

That way your DS1 isn't being rewarded for his bad behaviour by you giving him lots of (negative) attention.

Then next time DS1 plays with DS2 nicely praise him to the skies, tell him what a great big brother he is and give him loads of positive attention.

He should start to work out for himself that playing nicely is much more fun than being mean.

i can talk to my ds 2yo quite well about different matters and i often find the aproach of 'secret talk' works quite well. we dont however have another child in the house.
if he is doing something wrong as a habit like hitting/throwing then we have a little chat with him in a whisper that lets him think its behind daddies or mummies (whoever the opposite is).
for your situation you could say 'you no the baby screams alot and has really smelly nappies? well that not nice is it?' start off with aggreeing with him about dislikes to baby you may find he opens up more and you can get to the bottom of his behaviour more like a mate than a disciplining mother. you might think its a long shot or not for you but it works wonders with our lo
good luck

No, I don't think they get it.

You have to lift them up, and go and do something else. It's the only way! If they want to go back then you say 'Ok but no hitting this time, please' and then you go with them - if they hit again you pick them up again.

It's tedious but tbh anything else prob won't cut it at this age.

it seems to work for dd and she just over 2. She has even worse strops if she can see me and I ignore here. Putting her in time out, seems to stop her in her tracks!

No it is not appropriate.

The punishment (consequences) need to be directly related to the crime.

No I think theyre too little and it just winds them up more tbh.

Would definitely (and have) gone down the route of distraction and making a fuss of the victim.

Don't give him a warning if he hits, hitting is unnaceptable and should result in an immediate consequence.

I'd say yes and no (rather unhelpfully!), I think as much depends on you as on the child. I had a similar problem with DD1 when DD2 was tiny. The best thing was probably to do as piprabbit suggests (i.e. lots of cuddles and attention to the victim and no attention at all to your DS1, but it's not always that easy. My problem was I was liable to go on too much (don't do that, it's very naughty, mustn't bite, blah, blah, blah) but it clearly just washed over her and gave her the attention she craved - I found myself feeling so unbelievable angry when I saw her hitting or biting the baby that I could hardly control myself (I wonder where DD1 got her temper from!!!!).

So in the end a v short time out worked best for both of us. If she hit or bit or whatever I would say once 'no, we do not bite' then carry her straight to her bedroom and leave her on her bed (with her comfort blanket and teddy, usually she would be screaming and crying etc though) and go out of the room for a few mins to cuddle DD2, take a few deep breaths and allow my own anger to dissipate. In a way it was time out for both of us. Worked well for us as I stopped harping on at her and she got no attention. After a couple of mins DD2 and I would go back to her and I would try and behave as normal, we'd all read a book together or something. The biting and pinching and hitting stopped soon after I started to be consistent in this approach.

My dd went through a phase of hitting me when she was 2, I did time out, but found it worked better if I did it straight away, rather than saying,"If you do that again, you'll sit on the stairs". Afterwards I'd tell her that she mustn't hit me, it was nicer to cuddle, then cuddled her. I only had to do this for about 3 weeks and she stopped.

no. sometimes they just need to calm down, and time out is a great way to achive this.

so long as you do it straight after whatever they are being timed-out for, i think it works really well.

otherwise they just stress at you close-to.

doing it as well as making a fuss of the injured party works even better.

i meant yes actually.

Do you know why he is hitting his brother?

Does it happen at certain times?

I would try to work out why he does something you don't like to see if you can stop it happening.

Ds 2 hits he's fab all day then ds 1 comes home from school and it's like a war zone as he wants what ds 1 is playing with. I get ds 1 to do his reading and ds 2 sits at the table with his pencils and draws as he wants to be like his big brother.

I don't use time out as I feel that it is an adult concept that we impose on young children who don't quite get it. Children generally don't sit on a step or stand outside the door and think about what they have done, they get angry, scream and wonder why they're not allowed in the room where mummy is having fun without them...

If ds 2 hits me, as he has done, I tell him if he does it again I will put him down (if I'm holding him) or say that I don't want to play with him while he hits me. This is what I would want him to say to others' should he have it done to him. I like to treat the boys as I would like them to treat others. They can't put a friend outside the room if they don't like their behaviour!

Also, I have realistic expectations that I hope are age appropriate. I don't expect instant results. If he hits, I am consistent but know that he probably will do it again until he learns he doesn't get cuddled while he's hitting or he plays on his own.

This is what happens in the real world, his friends won't want to play with him and this is a direct consequence, and real life consequence, to his behaviour.

Absolutely yes. I started time out with my two year old when he did something really naughty like throw things or damage things.

It worked really well as a punishment because he could stand to be excluded and i alsways made a big point of making a fuss of his brother.

I don't think for one second that the child sits there and 'thinks about what they've done',even older children. However I do think they quickly realise that if they behave badly then there is an unpleasant consequence ie that mummy and brother are having fun without them. It was so successful with DS2 that we had to actually use it as a punishment very rarely and the mere threat of going to naughty step/time out sorted the behaviour out.

don't expect instant results - i always say we have 16 more years of telling her off before the job is done...

having read your post in detail i think perhaps you need not to give extra chances - better to be immdiate and consistent in your approach.

distraction is for before they hit (you know, when they're becoming a bit much, bu haven't been naughty yet) , not after.

Well for DD1 with SN (4.3), the naughty step is a source of hilarity, and works in no way whatsoever.

But DD2, who is 2.6 has been sat on the naughty step from just before her 2nd birthday.

She totally gets it. In fact she runs to the NS if I say "step". And she sits there till I retrieve her or call her. Occasionally if she thinks I might have forgotten her she calls out to check , but otherwise she just sits quietly until I get her. However, the fact that she sits so compliantly probably is just down to personality.

I always say "DD2, why are you on the NS?", and she can always tell me exactly why she is there. We then talk about how unkind, dangerous, whatever the thing she has done is (normally pinching or scratching), and she comes and apologises to the injured party with me.

Yes I think it is appropriate - if it works. If you have a child that doesn't give two hoots about being excluded from the fun (even momentarily) then you need a different tactic, but time-out worked with both of mine at 2 and since - DD is 3.5 now and threw a massive overtired tantrum over not wanting to get out of the bath this evening, culminating in hitting me. She was plonked on nearest step (wrapped in towel) and ignored while I got on with hustling DS into the bath. She stopped squealing very quickly, and after a couple of minutes she said sorry, got up and calmly got her pyjamas on. Easily the least stress and most effective way out of the whole downward spiral.

Thank you everyone so much for your replies, just trying to find the time to read and reply properly. I will be back on tonight when the little ones are in bed.

Littleducks, I'm glad to hear it stopped your DS biting. I know what you mean about impulsive bad behaviour, my DS is almost certainly doing it on impulse alot of the time. I don't think there is really any malice in it, nor do I think he really understands the concept of hurting others. He has been hitting for about 6mths now and it really needs to stop so I suppose I am using the time out as a punishment really, or a bit like Pavlov's dogs. I know he enjoys the reaction of the victim. He thinks it really funny if someone says 'ow'.

Piprabbit, thank you for the suggestion, that sounds like a really good approach too. I have been giving DS1 alot more attention today and he has behaved a million times better. Next time he hits I will lavish attention on the 'victim'.

Pinchmeimustbedreaming, that's an approach I'd not thought of. It doesn't sound like it would work on my DS, it can be difficult to get his attention at the best of times without going 'large' so to speak but I will try anything once, thank you.

Overmydeadbody, I had thought about that angle and I came to the conclusion that actually the punishment is a natural consequence of the crime, you hit, you don't get to play, who wants to play with someone who hits? Or have I got that wrong somehow? What consequence would you use for hitting? I see what you mean about not giving a warning too, but I think it just seems fairer to give him a chance to rectify his behaviour.

I find discipline difficult generally anyway, I am naturally a bit of a softy, but I don't want a badly behaved child. It's all so confusing isn't it sometimes?

Nellytheelephant, that sounds promising, and you're right, it probably does depend on the child. My friend's little boy (same age) has always responded to the word 'No' from his mum whereas my DS is a very determined little boy, it seems nothing deters him. Time out is the only thing that he seems to dislike. He might not entirely understand the concept but if he can link the naughty behaviour with leaving the room then hopefully (fingers and toes crossed) he will begin to stop the behaviour.

Hophophuppidtyhop and Eggyallenpoe, thanks, you give me hope.

Muppetgirl, I have no idea. He mainly hits his 5yr old cousin, mostly not hard, just playing really. He likes the reaction. For 6mths we have been ignoring/distracting as much as possible but it has not worked. I did think it could have been an attention thing but you can be lavishing attention on him and then out of the blue you get a whack in the face or a scratch. If a child leans down by him, he quite often grabs their hair too. It's never aggressive, always impulsive, it seems.

Thanks to everyone else who has replied- some really good advice.

I think I shall continue with the time out, but unsure now as whether to give a warning or not. Mmmmm.

Supercherry - I am in exactly the same situation, 2 year old dd and four month old ds.

I have tried naughty step (in corridor with door shut) and making dd stand in the kitchen behind the stair gate and have come to the conclusion that for her, it is absolutely no disincentive at all for hitting ds. She doesn't seem to mind, can tell me why she is there but then will repeat the hitting immediately after.

I am now trying the praise the victim strategy plus avoiding the flashpoints, which for dd are when it is just me, her and ds in the house. It may be exhausting but I am basically making sure I have plans to be busy all day, every day, to keep her occupied as I think part of the hitting ds problem may be boredom....

Anyway, good luck and I am clinging to the hope that this is going to be a shortlived phase!

Thank you Arkala, it's good to know DS isn't the only terrible two!