Terrible 2s or a bit more?

[Buda]

My nephew is 2 and a half and is full-on. Just spoke to my sister and this morning she was in the kitchen washing dishes and he was there with her and then he ran into the sitting room and within seconds she heard a crash and he had pushed their tv over. Thankfully he pushed it and it fell backwards and not on top of him.

He rarely sits still. Will to watch certain tv programs. Is agressive to everyone - even adults he doesn't really know which I find odd. For instance at Xmas he was behind the tv at my parents house and I said "come on, out of there" and lifted him out. He dug his nails into the back of my hand and when I put him down picked up a decoration from the fireplace and threw it across the room.

Hits and tries to bite anyone who comes into the house. Even people he doesn't know.

He runs into my parent's house and heads for the phone. You take that off him and before you have put it down he is at the washing machine. You go there and he is straight at the freezer. Etc etc. And I mean he just goes from one to the other like a whirling dervish.

Can't go into a restaurant with him. Won't st still. Screams and wants to run around constantly. Can't be distracted.

Doesn't really play with toys. Or other children.

BIL reckons he needs 4 parents. They have sworn not to have any more as they cannot cope with him. (They have a 5 year old as well who is not like this.)

Any thoughts? Wondering about ADHD obv.

Also not really sure how to broach it or if I even should. They find it very stressful at any family events or even just popping into someone as you just cannot take your eyes off him. BIL watches him constantly. Sis tries to get anyone/everyone else to take over. BIL is hard on him. Sis doesn't seem to be when we are around certainly.

honestly I have no idea
I have a DD 6 and DS nearly 5 and they both behaved very different at that stage.
I dont like to judge children at this stage, there are just children and the need rules and guidelines, and sometimes that can help turn certain "bad behavior" around.

with my DD her behaviour changed with being older, going to school etc, she had very often mega tatrums, screaming for nothing etc, thorwing things around. I never thought there was anything wrong with her, more that I needed to change my parenting style a bit, being more tough and stick with my punishment (staying in the room, taking toys away etc)

If you think there is something seriously wrong with your DS then talk to your healthvisitor, because I am sure your DS senses that you are concerned about him and that other family members does not like the way he is and that is not helping him to stop/ change.

I wish I could be more helpful

sorry your nephew and not your son

Thanks for your reply. It is not my DS but my nephew. Added complication - they are in Ireland so no health visitor as such.

It's hard because between us sisters we have 5 dcs between us and NONE of them have behaved like him and yet they have all been different and had their little quirks or whatever.

My DS1 has a dx of ASD so I am by no means an expert but a lot of the behaviour you have described sounds like it is sensory driven. My DS1 only has mild sensory issues but hiding behind the tv is something he may when he is feeling over-whelmed - for example at preschool he will go and sit under a table. My DS1 also likes to squash himself into gaps behind the sofa etc as he will get a sensory feedback from being squashed. Sensory processing issues/disorder are common for children who have a dx of ASD or ADHD but it can also be a stand-alone dx so it's probably unwise to speculate.

How is his speech and language? Does he understand and following instructions? I was unaware of my DS1's difficulties with receptive language and it caused a lot of frustration on both parts until I came to realise he wasn't just being difficult/ignoring me he actually wasn't fully understanding what I was asking him.

I think an assessment would be wise but can see how difficult a subject it is to broach. Perhaps mentioning you've heard of child with sensory processing difficulties and it reminded you of your nephew and wondered if they would consider having a sensory assessment done for him? Is your nephew due to start nursery or preschool soon?

Thanks notfromaroundhere.

Regarding nursery/preschool - Ireland is different to UK so I think he won't be going to preschool for another year and he will then start school at 5.

Speech and language not great. He has a few words but none of them clear really.

The reason he was behind the tv at my parents was to get to wires and try and get to the playstation that we had disconnected and put out of his way. He wasn't hiding. Was in the room alone till I went in.

I have no idea how the "system" in Ireland works but it does sound like he could do with the UK standard of hearing test, SALT assessment, paediaitrician appointment. But it is his parents' decision and I remember feeling oddly defensive about any comments about my DS1's speech even after I'd asked for the SALT referral for him.

That is exactly it notfromaroundhere. She is defensive about it all. And I am sure I would be the same. It is so hard. She is prickly anyway to say the least!

I am as soft as butter I can remember feeling rage towards DP's dad when he idly asked when DS1 would start talking!

Getting advice how to help your child with difficulties as early as possible is always the ideal but you can't compel them to. At 2.6 and with an older sibling people will trot out "his older brother is doing the talking for him" "x was like that and he grew out of it" which of course may be true for your nephew too but if they are struggling to do day-to day-family things then I would say that was a red flag.

Carefully worded comments when they recount an incident may be your best bet such as "could he possibly be having trouble with his hearing?" or "could he be having trouble understanding what he is meant to do? I've heard speech therapists can give advice on that."

Thanks so much for advice. I will call her in a day or two and test the water!