ghosts

[chelseamorning]

My 3.4yr DS has been having bad dreams about ghosts for the past month or so. He wakes up and shouts for me or sometimes screams in his sleep. He demands to come into our bed but I really don't want to go down that road. He's so upset he still has his hands over his ears and sometimes his body goes rigid as he tries to avoid being put back to bed. Sometimes he hides under the covers for such a long time that his hair and PJs are sodden. I don't know if that's because of the dream itself or the fact that he's hiding under the covers.

I just cuddle him and reassure him until he calms down, give him a drink of water and then, at his request, I stay with him until he falls asleep. Sometimes this works; sometimes I have to get up shortly after when he's realised I've left.

Unfortunately, his fear of ghosts isn't limited to just his dreams. He now won't go into a room, even during the day, without me and I have to constantly reassure him of where I'm going if I leave the room he's in.

He has a settled bedtime routine. He only watches the odd CBeebies programme and DVD but nothing too loud or scary. I think he might of heard 'bigger boys' talk about ghosts at pre-school though. However he doesn't know what they are or what they look like (although he has described them as being 'red').

I know at this age that they can often confuse real life with make believe. He has a very active imagination and tells me he can lift buildings like superheros! We were playing at a friend's house last week and his friend suggested they hide under the table from the monsters. After a while, nothing happened. DS popped out from under the table and asked me when the monsters were coming - in a matter-of-fact way, as though they'd been invited to the play date too.

We've made a sign for his bedroom door and our front door saying 'Ghosts go away! No ghosts allowed in here!' which hasn't done the trick. In order to try something else, I remembered I had some lavender oil so I told him that ghosts didn't like the smell of flowers! I put a few drops on a hanky and draped it over his bed. That hasn't worked either. Also, yesterday, we bought a 'tiger' from IKEA as he said they were fierce and would scare the ghosts away! That, so far, hasn't worked either.

Can anyone please suggest something else to try? It's awful to see him so tired all the time and being so scared. Perhaps someone could suggest a book about friendly ghosts or monsters????

have you tried telling him there's no such thing as ghosts?

No, I haven't. He thinks there are ghosts so saying they don't exist will only confuse him.

dp and dd used to 'beat up' the monsters, i.e kick and punch into thin air! afterwards i would say, 'but you know its all pretend because there's nothing there is there' after a few months the phase passed and she doesn't mention them anymore

i think the story about being under the table would have been a perfect time to explain that the reason the monsters didn't come was because they are just pretend

the thing is, because he believes they are real, it reinforces the idea that there is something to be scared of iyswim

my dd is a year older but she was around 3 1/2 when we started explaining about things on tv not being 'real'
so its not just about monsters/ghosts, there are a lot of things that are 'pretend'

I did use it as an opportunity to tell him that monsters didn't exist and he accepted it. I've also told him that superheros don't exist but he said he'd like to pretend that they do!

For some reason, he believes ghosts do exist. From what I've read on the web, I'm supposed to let him believe this. Just don't know what to do for the best!!

Hello,

I don't know what you are 'supposed' to do or not to do with something like this -- my DS is only 11 weeks old so I guess I have it all yet to come. But I just had to post because the poor little mite is losing sleep and sounds like he is worrying a alot too.

Who are we to say whether ghosts exists or not when he thinks he sees them etc.

So, if ghosts exist, do they all have to be malevolent? Perhaps you could talk to your son about getting his own guardian angel who looks out for him?

You might then need to explain that they oversee from above and don't interfere most of the time but quietly keep him safe. I say the latter because he might then not understand why his angel doesn't ensure he gets his own way all the time ;-) or why bad or unfortunate things happen to him sometimes.

My son, who will be 3 in June, really loves watching the American cartoon from the 1950's - 60's, Casper the Friendly Ghost. My mum sent him a couple of DVDs from the US for Christmas, but before he got these, he was watching episodes on YouTube. Might be worth trying, Casper is quite sweet and just wants to make friends!

I used to fight the 'ghost' down the side of the bed. In fact I used to frighten it off everynight before he even pointed it out to me. This went on for a few months and then he seemed to forget about it.

We gave my dgs a torch to help his night fears [bears,monsters,a nasty king,a crocodile etc]He believes he just has to point the light and whatever it is disappears.It seems to work.

Hi,
My neice is now 4 and went through a bit of a similar thing (mailnly in her bedroom.) For Christmas we bought her a fairy door. (found it at a craft fair, but would be really easy to make something similar.)
It's a little wooden door that we stuck to the wall just above the skirting board (or on it as my folks did, as we all have one now so she thinks we're all safe!)
It came with a little poem that explains it's a magical door which only Fairies can use. These fairies come & protect us keeping us safe from anything etc.....but only fairies can open them, thus the reason they just look like a wooden picture type thing to us.
It's worked really well & we'll keep ours & put it in our DS room when he's bigger.
If you want the poem it's real cute, I can always e-mail it to you.
It may work as your son sounds like he has a great immagination.
Good luck & I hope he gets some restful sleep soon. x

If I were you I would let him in yr. bed for a while until he's got over his fears.

He needs reassurance. We had three DCs in ours for a bit they're not there now! Our oldest DD, now 30, has said that she has a basic security that a lot of her friends don't have.

Hi Chelseamoring

My DD was 3.5 when I woke to find her sat bolt upright in bed (we shared a room at the time, we were in a hostel ) and chattering away to Hazel who was sat at the end of her bed. It was a 1 sided conversation to my ears by my DD kept chatting, it was about 11.30pm and before that, she'd been happily asleep. Her eyes were open and she seemed perfectly alert, not scared or dreaming even. After a few minutes, she lay back down, snuggled under so I went to ask her who she was talking to........ she said "Hazel, she was sat at the end of my bed asking me about grandma" (no idea if that was my late grandma or not as I didn't probe). Flabergasted, I just asked if she was ok and when she said yeah, went back to my own bed.

This happened once or twice more whilst we where there but never after we left. I asked her in the morning about it and she just said "I told you last night mummy, it was Hazel"

Not sure what to tell you but if he truly believes that he has seen a ghost, maybe he has and you need to make it as unscary and normal for him as you can??? I'm no expert and hope you a find a way to make bedtime fun again and that in time, he'll be happy going into a room on his own. He just needs reassurance I think? Lots of cuddles!!

Another thought, going along the fairy door/gaurdian angel themes (ish), how about a toy that he can take everywhere and bed with him? Something new? You could wrap it and say that the fairies or a similar source (maybe grandparents if he loves them lots?) sent it to keep him company rather than "safe" as you're trying to take the scariness out of the whole situation IYSWIM?