Please help me with my 2 year old...

[chloebe]

Hi- I am really struggling with my 2 year old dd. Since she hit 2 she has taken the terrible twos quite literally....

Main problems- saying no, refusing to sit in her highchair, deliberately doing the opposite of what I ask her, hurting her sister, sitting on the naughty step like it's a game etc

I have a 9 month old dd too, which up until now my dd1 has fully accepted, however now my dd is crawling and crusing the furniture, my dd1 has taken to pushing her over, hitting her with toys etc.

I am trying my best to give them equal alone time with me where we do fun things like baking and painting etc with dd1and then more baby orientated activites with dd2. I am also aware that my dd1 is trying to discipline my dd2 to an extent, for example when she touchs plugs she tells her no but then smacks her, which I find bizarre as I have never lifted my hand to either of my children. But I am aware that she is wanting to be centre of attention but I can't physically do anymore, I left dd with her nan last week and took dd1 for a special lunch and she was a demon, so even doing nice things aren't floating her boat.

She is so testing.

I have tried the naughty step, reward charts, black mail etc.

I really need some advice on how to get her to listen to me and how to effectively discipline her without coming across as the mean mommy dragon!!!

I am so stressed I feel like crying most days!!!!!!

You poor thing! Stick with it. She's only little and things take time to filter through. Evrything you are doing- special time, reward charts - are really good ideas but it'll take her a while. If you can concentrate more on the posiive praise rather than the negative (punishment, etc) you might find things less stressful.

You said she is so testing. Spot on. She is. She is testing you. She's trying to figure out what she can get away with, and perhaps, what her place is now you have a dd2....

Stick with your boundaries, stick with your plan of action. If you have a DP try and make sure he is doing the same things as you.

If you can, try and make leaving dd2 with nan and taking dd1 out for special time a regular thing. After a few goes, I'm sure she'll start being her lovely self again.

And whatever happens, don't feel that her behaviour is a reflection of your parenting or how much she loves you. It's not.

good luck xxx

Ooh- my ds is 2.4 and has become a little Jekyll and Hyde character- one minute soo cute, the next an absolute contrary monster.

I know you probably already do this, but I pick my fights. If he doesn't want to wear gloves and it is -12 I shrug and say ok, but take gloves in my pocket- within 3 minutes he will ask for them!

If he wants something and the answer is no, I say "sorry, no." I sometimes attempt a reasoned explanation as to why (eg because you're getting your dinner soon), but after that I enter into no more debate. I usually say, "sorry, that's the way it is. Do you want a cuddle?" Him:"NOOO! I don';t like you!!" Me: "Ok, come and get a cuddle if you change your mind" Few minutes of tantrum then "Mummy- I want a cuddle!"

The other thing is to try to retain a sense of humour (not easy I know, especially when trying to get them all out of the door for the school bus!)But I often find myself shaking my head sorrowfully and comiserating with him "gosh, it's really tough being two, isn't it?" Cos it IS! Some days he DOESN'T LIKE his trousers/ socks/ favourite teddy/ dinosaurs/ me...must be stressful being such a drama queen!

Finally if (when!!) he hits his sisters, I make a big fuss of them, and try to get him involved in comforting them etc.

but it DOES pass! This too keeps me sane!