Is it normal for an almost 7yo to still be having frequent tantrums?

[stirringbeast]

Or maybe you just call them "meltdowns" instead by this age?

My ds has had lots of tantrums, since he was about 2.5yo. I think it probably peaked around age 4-5 but he still really loses it about once or twice a week. He can go from 0-60 in an instant, and totally loses control of himself. Often it's over something minor, like today when I opened the biscuits and he wanted to.

When he starts screaming/banging chairs around or whatever, I try to just ignore him until it passes. It can take at least 30 mins sometimes. Sometimes I put him in his room but I would have to physically "escort" him. If he's getting very destructive I have to intervene obviously. He screams that he hates me, I'm so mean etc etc. When he's calm he is fine, very affectionate, a normal energetic boy. He is fine at school, the meltdowns only happen for me and DH.

I thought he would have more control by now - anyone else have experience of this?

Ugh...he's now off again because dd walked in front of the tv then dared to touch his kinder egg toy which a few minutes ago he was crying about saying it was so rubbish he was going to bin it. He doesn't seem able to be at all easy going about anything - that's his personality obviously but he'll have to learn to control the extreme parts of it surely?

don't know if it is normal as such, but my dd does, same only for me, dh and my parents, they seem to be crossing into teenage style strops now though, about halfway between I think, she still stamps and smashs stuff but not as often and it doesn't take quite as long to calm down again.
The rest if the time she is gorgeous but you can see when the switch is flicked.

Yes I think he is calming down more quickly sometimes but he can still rage for 20-30 mins. I feel like I instinctively tiptoe around him more than my other dcs, which is not fair on them.

im also strugglin with ds over his tantrums,
iv found that joining footie and rugby lets him get most of his anger out,and i let the other dcs pick a club to do at weekends.when he does have a bad day i leave him in his room until he calms down i still dont know what causes it the slightest thing sets him off maybe bcause hes the youngest??

my DS sometimes still does this, although I am happy to note it occurs less and less.

Like you, it´s always about something small or "unimportant".

I find a lot of it has to with:
-exercise (he needs an hour sport or free play outside after school, as school makes him tired, but not PHYSICALLY tired IYSWIM.). I find that if he watches telly after school it makes him grumpy.

• food (he needs a snack after school (often bring something) and food at a set time (5:30)

-sleep (he needs his 11 hours still, so at school night has to be in bed by 7:45

• not too much excitement (not more than 2 play dates a week)

If I "manage" these things, the really bad ones are less likely to happen.

Also, if he gets one I do defo NOT ignore it, but pretend to be calm and put him (drag him if must) to his room and tell him this is no way to behave and he can come out when he is calm. ONce he is calm, I go up to him and we have a chat, and I tell him it is o.k. to be really angry, but that it is not o.k. to scream and shout (I feel very AMerican Text book parent liek this . Also tell him I am not angry with him, but just do not want to be a witness to the creaming and slamming doors.

HTH.

My 8.5 year old still has tantrums. She was practically born having them, she's been a lot better since she was 5 ,and she never tantrums or misbehaves at school, but on occasion she can really let rip.

In fact so can I and I am a bit older than 8 I call it "expressing my emotions".

We do ignore dd2 when she tantrums, where possible, but we dock 10p off pocket money for each slamming of the kitchen door (it has lots of panes of glass, not a good door to slam).

and when she threw her dinner all over the kitchen last week we took away her sweets and DP took them to work and ate them.

to me it is a normal part of her personality, dd1 and dd3 are much milder but dd2 is all storm and drama. she does control it mostly, and always at school.

DS2 is 7.5 and is very similar. Chandon's advice is basically similar to what I do too.

I also remember reading that they can be getting huge surges in testosterone at this age, which may also account for the out-of-control behaviour.

DS2 really acts as if he can't help himself.

Ds1 went through an awful 'tantrum' stage from around 6-8. It was dreadful.. He used to scream he hated me, he'd go and find a family that really loved him (this one normally after he'd been told off for something), and during his worse ones that he might aswell just go and kill himself

He grew out of it around 9, so it does end. He's a very sensitive and emotional boy and I think he just really struggled to deal with whatever anger/upset/annoyance he was experiencing.

What I found helped him when he started a tantrum was giving him something to do to help me. Most of the time it was housework (washing the windows together worked best!!)So he was doing something physical to work out the anger but while he was doing that I was right next to him for him to talk to. It took a while to get to that stage- at first when I told him to help me that started more screaming so during a calm time I told him that was what we'd do next time he was upset so he knew I wasn't 'punishing' him but trying to help him.

Eventually he got used to the idea he could deal with his feelings without shouting or throwing things. He's 10 now and he's really great about talking to me about things that are bothering him.

I know it's really hard to see them like that, but it does pass.

Thanks everyone. Good to know others have gone through this.

Chandon that sounds very familiar. I do most of the things you mention like the regular snacks and exercise. Unfortunately we've had no luck with organised sports so far but will try again later - he hates the imposed structure and wants to do his own thing. I do force him to do swimming lessons which he complains about but it wears him out nicely.

I do tend to stick him in front of tv after school if he seems to be in one of "those" moods. Maybe not the right thing to do but it's the only time he's quiet.

Playdates are a nightmare - he gets so wound up and shows off and it often ends badly. I try to do them as little as possible!

He is very sensitive and emotional which has lovely sides - he is very creative.

He's mostly ok with friends but with his siblings he displays the same short fuse so we have a lot of fighting in the house.