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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

shy 2 and half year old

10 replies

19alex78 · 01/03/2010 22:05

Hi everyone, I would love some advice from anyone that has been through this or who already has, my 2 year old is very shy,and is also very clingy with me and her dad, she will not tolerate anybody else doing anything for her, I wish i could give her confidence and to show her that the outside world isn,t so scary. I am dreading it when the time comes when she has to go to pre school. I take her to mother and toddler groups 3 times a week there has been a slight improvement, and then other days she will revert back to how she was when i first started taking her please any adice would be very welcome

OP posts:

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Kathyjelly · 02/03/2010 08:28

My 19 month old is the same. I just ignore it, don't draw attention to it.

I've noticed that he's much better when we are with someone that I am completely relaxed with....my best friend, my older sister ...... he seems to be picking up on my feelings so I try hard not to take him anywhere I'm not comfortable. Not always easy.

lukewarmcupoftea · 02/03/2010 08:38

Dd1 is the same, it's not unusual. Nor is it a bad thing, just means she is sensitive to what is going on around her. When dd tells me she is feeling a bit shy, I just reassure her that that's fine and everyone feels shy sometimes. It's important not to draw attention to it, I think - it's not a negative thing in itself, it's just that our society seems to place more emphasis on being outgoing and confident. She's young yet, just give her as much reassurance as she needs. Taking her to new situations, as you are doing, is also a good idea, and don't worry about it!

meandjoe · 02/03/2010 12:14

my ds is 2 and half and is the same. He is unlikely to talk to strangers and is fairly clingy when in large groups of people. It's normal. I don't stress about it or else he will only get more anxious. I don't like talking in front of people or meeting new people either so I can see why it is daunting for little ones.

Original poster

19alex78 · 02/03/2010 15:50

Thankyou, you have all made me feel so much better, I.ve been made to feel that shes not normal, when just as i knew really that she is and its perfectly normal behavior,you are right lukewarmcupoftea our society really does put emphasis on being outgoing, looking back I never was when i was a child and still do get nervous in some situations still ! thanks everyone again just one more question for you all, she doesnt start preschool until 2011, but i was thinking of putting her in nursery for two days a week starting in september, to maybe help with the shyness, do you think this will make her worse, or help her overcome her reluctance to mix with others, or should I just wait till september2011 till she starts pre school.

OP posts:

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/03/2010 09:02

I think that you know your child best - if you think it would help her then its definitely worth a go (plus you get some time off!). At some point she is going to have to get used to being away from you, so its up to you whether you feel she is ready to start that now, or in a year at pre school, or when she goes to school. I think by 2.5 though, that kids, in general, can get quite a lot out of going to a nursery or similar setting. It needs to be a setting you are really happy with though, otherwise she will pick up on that and it might make the settling in quite hard, so take your time looking around.

My two have been at a childminders since 8 months/9 months respectively. I think it has definitely helped DD1 be a little more confident, and used to different (noisy!) situations/lots of kids - but that's not to say that she doesn't still hide behind the childminder's legs for the first half hour when they go to a new playgroup!

By the way - you might want to consider the childminder option as well as nursery? Just that if she is particularly sensitive, then she might be happier with the consistency of the one person looking after her, and the home setting (although obviously the childminder will have to be looking after other kids to make it different to being at home with you!). That's the reason we chose a CM over a nursery (especially as DD1 was so young when she started going). Another plus of CMs is that they go out and about a lot, whereas with a nursery (most, not all..) they tend to stay in the same building most of the time.

chopsache · 03/03/2010 12:22

Hi there, I have 3 DDs & they are all painfully shy. The oldest is 4 now & in school, but when she was 2.5 I tried her in nursery for a morning to try & get her ready for pre-school. She wouldn't let me out of her sight afterwards & kept dirtying her pants (she had been going to the toilet without accidents for 4 months before this). I decided she wasn't ready & left it till she went to pre-school at 3. She was fine going to pre-school & ended up loving it.

So I wouldn't worry too much if she isn't ready for being left without you yet.

mammamia25 · 03/03/2010 22:24

Chopsache, your comment was reassuring to me. My dd's 2.6 and has always been really clingy and shy - running away from other kids in the playground, wants me with her all the time at toddler groups etc. She's never gone to nursery, but has been looked after by my mum until recently. I feel like there's loads of pressure to have her in nursery, but I'm going to do like you suggest and wait till I think she might be more ready - although at the moment that feels a long way off! OP - your dd sounds very like mine - I feel like my dd is the only toddler not running round at toddler groups completely ignoring their mums! I do worry about how she will cope when she has to go to pre-school/school.

ThursdayNext · 03/03/2010 22:41

My DS was very similar at this age. He didn't really enjoy toddler groups.
He was more sociable by 3. When he started preschool nursery at 3.2 he was absolutely fine, not clingy at all, and enjoyed himself despite never going to nursery previously. He is now a very chatty, sociable 4 year old.
I think at 2 many children don't really enjoy the company of other 2 year olds much. When they are a bit older and can play games together they may enjoy the company of other children more.

ThursdayNext · 03/03/2010 22:47

Oh, and on the subject of nursery before preshool, you could try a nursery or playgroup for a couple of mornings a week in September or January, but I wouldn't push it if she doesn't seem happy. September is still a long way away at this age, she may change a lot before then.

JaynieB · 03/03/2010 22:47

My DD has her shy moments and generally shuns other people if I'm around. I'd suggest you keep making opportunities for her to mix and get more confidence, but don't push her if she seems unhappy - I suppose that would only make it worse. I stopped taking my daughter to playgroup as it seemed more stressful (for us both) than fun.
She may grow out of it, she may not. There are many shy grown ups out there!
DD has just turned 3 and is beginning to show more interest in children her own age and being more sociable, DP was amazed when collecting her from nursery today that she even got a hug from one of the other children as she left - most unusual!

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