My eight year old is not the Antichrist - although it seems like it at times

[flybynight]

I wonder if anyone can make any helpful suggestions. My DD2 is stuck in a pattern of behaviour that we need to change, but that I have run out of tools for dealing with.

For the last few months, his behaviour is attention-seeking to the nth degree. He is a very bright boy and able to argue black from white and he does this at home, at school and at all after school clubs. In recent months he has been building on this with attention seeking behaviour - constant Tourettes-like shouting out in class, constantly monkeying about and behaving dangerously at clubs (even in the face of his TERRIFYING karate teacher), daily diving in muddy puddles to amuse his friends, refusing to do as he is told anywhere or by anyone. Rarely maliciously, but seemingly unable to stop himself. He says he is sorry, but then he goes back and does the same thing again and again.

We've tried the carrot - behaviour charts, rewards for good behaviour, praise, praise, praise etc. We've tried the stick - no TV, no Wii, no pocket money, grounding. At school he now has to sit right next to the teachers desk. Clubs are asking me not to bring him back. His brother is mildly ADD, but its not that. When he feels like it he can focus and engage with people unbelievably well. He loves to prove how able he is at everything, and then he starts to create.

I really don't know what to do. He had me in tears at the weekend. On a train journey, he was rolling around the floor, shouting, pressing the "open" button on the door whilst the train was moving (obviously it was locked) - the kind of behaviour that is difficult to ignore. Nothing I said the him made any impression on him whatsoever.

I'm expecting our 4th at the moment - is it a reaction to changes in the family? He says not, and won't talk about his behaviour. I'm scared he is going to end up with a justified "bad boy" label and be isolated at school. Any ideas?

I think you'd get some good advice over on the special needs boards, where we're very used to dealing with 'challenging' behaviour.... you'll get some support and understanding for sure, even if your DS isn't SN. some very experienced mums over there!

Is this totally new?... if it's attention seeking ( not to be dismissed)... perhaps he needs some one to one full-on mummy time all to himself for ten minutes a day... believe me this worked a miracle for my difficult DS, and QUICKLY) mind you it's not easy to find ten minutes every day....

perhaps something else is bothering him that he can't articulate? problems at school, worrying about new sibling?some kind of health issue?

Thanks Lauree - I will try posting on SN. And you are absolutely right about making sure he has a block of mummy time every day. It's something I've done in the past when he has been acting up - I'd forgotten about it. He soon gets bored of it and realises that parental attention isn't all it's cracked up to be!

I think the root cause is likely the new sibling - but obviously he won't know that and like you say, won't be able to articulate it.

He sounds exactly like ds1 at the same age - my ds does actually have Tourette's

we had all the shouting out, impulsive behaviour, constant arguing (with anyone and everyone - inc standing up in the middle of assembly and telling the headteacher she'd got her facts wrong ...), rolling around on the ground on the way home from school, being the class clown (other children loved him as he'd say and do the things they really wanted to but never would have dared)

At this point I was wondering if he'd actually make it to the end of the year, as the reckless behaviour was getting so extreme - he cut through the wire of my mobile phone charger when it was switched on "because he wanted to see what electricity looked like", he'd open the car door when we were going at 70mph on the motorway

nothing we or school tried worked - carrots made it worse, but then so did sticks - occasionally he'd fall in with a particular behaviour modification technique and we'd think we'd cracked it, but as soon as the novelty wore off we were back to normal

The only book which helped was The Explosive Child by Ross Greene - it didn't provide a panacaea but helped us understand some of the behaviour and moderate our reaction to it

however, he's now in y8 and amazingly hasn't been in trouble once this year - he goes to a very strict, rather old-fashioned school where he feels very safe and thrives on the structure, but he's also matured enormously

I always used to worry about how we'd cope when he was a teenager - but now he is and a lot of the time he's delightful

Thanks for posting, mimsum. Makes me feel so much better. And I'll look out for that book.