How do I engage my 21 month old through play

[Malga]

I am a SAHM with a 3.5 yr old,a 21mth old and a 5mth old. I have concerns over the 21mth old as I am not sure if he understands me, he is a very relaxed and easy going child most of the time, eats what you feed him and sleeps through the night, in most ways a dream baby... but I have trouble engaging with him. He is very focused on certain things and determined to do these things over and over. He shakes with anger when things do not go as he wants them to and when I try and talk to him I have no idea if I am getting through to him. I have had his hearing tested and it is fine. On the flip side he plays quite well with his older brother, he ignores his sister but I think its probably a bit of jealousy as she has taken his place of the youngest in the house. Does anyone have any suggestions of games to engage him with?

don't panic, he is probably using a schema to make sense of the world hence doing something over and over. have a read If he wants to line up his cars then let him.

have you tried playdoh, finger painting, puzzles, wooden blocks. Oh and fresh ar and a run twice a day

Ignoring his sister is v v normal, until she starts moving around she won't be interesting to him

Thanks, I must admit I have avoided playdoh because it gets everywhere and dries and he went through a phase of eating whatever he found on the floor that was small enough to put in his mouth. I will get the puzzles, doh and blocks out though - thank you

Perhaps try toys that he finds really interesting but that don't work without you? Bubbles, blowing up a balloon and letting it zoom around the room, wind-up toys - anything that means he has to engage with you to get the toy to work. Then you demonstrate it once and wait for him to respond in some way (eye contact, talking, pointing, putting the toy in your hand) before doing it again. If you can get him involved in more complex back-and-forth games like kicking a ball or pushing cars between you that would be another idea. Making faces at each other, or imitating each other's silly walks, playing chase, peekaboo, tickling games... if he's likely to be distracted by the toy and focus on that instead of on you then try things without any actual toys, just you and him.

Some useful ideas already, especially about toys that he has to engage with you to use. Have you thought about using treasure baskets? There's lots of information about these on the internet now with suggestions about howw to make them up and what to do with them. Basically it's a basket of everyday objects (my DD's currently includes a ladle, toiothbrush, big shells, wooden lemon squeezer, pebbles, feathers, champagne cork (!)). You can then explore the objects together (the children like the fact that they are not toys). I'd also say that rather than trying to push interaction, you can just quietly play alongside him or join in using the objects he is playing with. Also, you can comment on his play. These techniques are quite powerful in showing him that you are engaging and interested in his play as well as for reinforcing language ('oh wow, you've put the red teddy on the truck, he's enjoying a ride'.)

HTH