How to talk to a 2 1/2 yo about pet dog dying?

[palmetto]

Help?!

The dog hasn't died yet, but she is 12 and has been ill for a long time and we know the time is coming soon that we are going to have to make a decision for her. I just don't know how to talk to my ds about it so he understands and isn't afraid (if that is possible).

We have 2 dogs and ds2 is fond of both of them, he feeds them and strokes them and plays with them both. Ds2 is a very sensitive boy and is very good with language so he can communicate his ideas pretty clearly. At 2 1/2 doesn't like change that involves something 'leaving'. For instance, he was upset that we got a new oven and 6 months later is still asking where the old one is and if we can have it back. He does this with even small things like milk - when we finish a milk he doesn't want to get rid of the old one. He just can't seem to get his head around why or where things go. Because of this I really worry about how we explain the absense of the dog...will he think we got rid of her like we got rid of the oven? and will this cause him to worry that we might get rid of him or ds2?

I tried to explain to ds1 that the dog is sick, but that led to him giving her a cuddle and asking me to give her some calpol. Now I fear that if she dies soon that next time ds2 is sick, ds1 will be afraid that ds2 is going to die too.

I don't think at 2 1/2 it will do much good to explain anything about death before it happens, but I'd like to be prepared for it when it does happen, and I think it is coming soon.

Any advice or dos or don'ts would be appreciated.

I have had recent experience of this and this is what I did.I began to prepare the children, mine and others I look after that the cat was very poorly and soon would die. I said it as simply as that as some are only little and euphamisms for death confuse them. They asked why and I said that it was ok and the cat was fine about it but eventually her body was stopping working because she was very old and so we would take her to the vet and he would make sure that she had a nice death and was comfy. I didn't talk about going to sleep or any such stuff...that can cause obvious problems
On the day, it all happened far too quickly a she suddenly deteriorated and we decided not to wait anymore.Remaining as tear free as I could and that was really hard,on the way out to school I said today the cat is going to go to the vet like we talked about so give her a big hug and kiss as she won't be here tonight but when we get back, shall we have a special tea and look at all our photos of her?
They did it, went to school. I cried my heart out whilst asking the teacher to keep an eye on them. They were fine. We had our tea with cake and photos and whilst they were at school, I got rid of all the cat stuff and rearranged the room around where her basket had been so there was not an empty space.
They really were ok and we were in pieces but the children didn't see that at all. We talked about how sad it is when our animals die and one asked if she was with her grandad in heaven. I have no religiousviews and so said yes and said I bet she is on his lap!!

so soory..it is really hard. I hope whatever you do, it goes to some sort of plan. It was the nicest death I have ever seen and it is a shame humans can't be so well treated.
with love x

thank-you mrspoppins, your post was really helpful. I think I'll sit down with dh and figure out what we want to say. I think part of it is that once we figure it out and tell ds we have to face it ourselves. Animals do really become part of the family.

It might be a good idea to read 'Goodbye Mog' to him.It is a lovely story about the death of a beloved cat.

I just told my daughters that their cat was poorly and I was taking her to the vets for a magic tablet so she could go up and play in heaven. It worked really because I think they wanted to believe and keeping my composure was very important in remaining positive and as if this was a good thing.

We've recently been through this with the death of our 20 yr old Cat, so I can emphasize, its never going to be easy, but agree with Mrs Poppins, simple explanation of death works better, especially if you have any spiritual beliefs to pass on too, such as we did, in that our Old Polly can now go & play with Jak, our other old cat who died years back, DD seemed to get a lot of comfort from that thought,

Also google "Rainbow Bridge" its a lovely story that helpd understanding the loss of pets & loved ones for young Kids...though don't be surprised if it brings a tear to your eyes too...in a nice way.

My DD is now 7, so a bad age to lose something so precious to her as our Cat was, but after the initial heartbreak she is coping well, I also found it helped her to see me grieve too....not something I could help on the day the Cat was put down, but with hind sight, I'm glad DD saw me crying, we cried a lot together & think it taught her a good lesson on grief

Don't be surprised though, as your DS is only 2.1/2, he might not be as upset as you expect...DD was a similar age when our Jak died, & she barely seemed to notice......

I just remembered I had it booked marked

If he's confused about where pets go when they die, you could try looking at the stars together and naming one of the more prominent stars after your dog (just between yourselves, not one of these companies offering certificates etc). You could even get him a toy telescope so whenever he's missing the dog, he can look up at 'Fido's star'.

With so many stars, this would also work with any future pet bereavements, and even people. Not sure about ovens and milk, though.

i think there are enough stars for ovens and milk.

I was devastated when I was little and my parents changed the bath...

Come to think of it, I cried when the old Triumph Herald went to the scrapyard...