Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

How to deal with your bossy boots 5 year old?

20 replies

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 27/02/2010 10:11

DS1 is 5 and in primary one.

When he was at nursery his report said 'He has a wide vocabulary which he uses in an authorative manner'.

'In the sandpit, he is the architect and makes marks using a clipboard'

Now, he leads a lot of the games with his friends and generally they follow. He's popular and has lots of friends at school. His games are usually very imaginative and kids just join in.

With his brother he tells him exactly what to do and when, even the dialogue that his 2 year old brother is expected to provide.

It drives me mad! I can't bear to see him bossing everyone around and taking over.

I realise it's not the worst thing he could be doing in the grander scheme of things but how can i steer him in the direction of letting others lead sometimes?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 27/02/2010 10:30

will you lot do as you are asked and give me some advice!

OP posts:

neversaydie · 27/02/2010 11:23

I think he sounds lovely - he has energy, imagination and the potential to be a really good leader. I love the sandpit story!

The interaction with the little brother sounds fairly normal for their respective ages. Does the younger one mind? He may be happy enough because he sees it as coaching to help him to join in big brother's game.

My DS used to do something similar to me (lacking a little brother) but soon grew out of it, possibly because I was insufficiently obedient. I suspect as little brother matures he will either work out his own role in any games, or go and do his own thing. In the meantime I would try and encourage the usual sharing and taking turns and keep alert for when/if your younger son starts to rebel, at which point you may need to stick up for him a bit.

snickersnack · 27/02/2010 11:32

It is a tricky one, isn't it? He sounds a lot like dd who really really likes to be in charge. Her little brother (2.5) is very sweet natured and does what she says which isn't helpful. I try and encourage him to stick up for himself a bit more. That will probably backfire horribly one day soon...

She is in a class with some other quite strong willed girls, which has helped as she's starting to learn she can't always be in charge. And I remind her gently whenever I can that bossiness isn't helpful and don't let her boss us around.

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 27/02/2010 11:37

DS2 doesn't seem to mind most of the time, he's fairly obedient. He's a much gentler child and looks up to him (unfortunately).

I've just asked DS1 if he tells other children what to do at school. He said 'Yes, i tell them to fight the girls and then they do, and i do to, but i don't fight you mummy'

WTF?

I agree that he does show a strong character and there are plusses to that. He's maintained his english accent despite being at school in scotland and i think he doesn't feel any pressure to blend in, which i admire.

But DH tends to cave quickly and do as he's told. He arrived home yesterday with a power rangers comic that I had said he didn't need, so he obviously just asked daddy.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 27/02/2010 11:45

I think he sounds fine. I would have a word with DH so that he can't play one off against the other. Speaking as the eldest of 3, the advantage is that you get to be the boss-it doesn't last long, your DC2 will rebel in the end! He is young-he will learn that he can't always get his own way in time.

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 27/02/2010 11:57

DS2 has some fabulous ways to wind his brother up however. He just sits very calmly announcing that his big brother likes carrots or blue, or isn't in a photograph that he quite obviously is in.

DS1 gets unreasonably hysterical at the accusations which are quite obviously a slur on his character.

DH says he gets his bossyness from me.

How dare he

OP posts:

Earlybird · 27/02/2010 12:55

DD was (is? ) like this, and she has just turned 9.

Like snickersnack, I think being around some other equally strong-willed children helped her understand her behaviour.....eventually.

I remember one playdate in particular where dd and friend talked 'at' each other most of time - both fizzing with ideas/dialogue for their imaginary game, neither listening to the other. The result? They never got 'round to playing much because they couldn't take turns and/or compromise. Both were extremely frustrated at the end of the playdate.

DD and I talked about it later - how it is important to know what you want, and be able to stand up for yourself, but also need to think about the other person and let them contribute too!

We had one another fairly disastrous playdate with an extremely bossy child (she made dd look flexible!). Dd didn't enjoy herself at all. I was able to use the other child's behaviour as an example of how unbearable it is to be around a bossy/dominant/overbearing person. I still refer to that day/child whenever dd starts to come on too 'strong', and she seems to understand she has 'crossed a line'.

In conclusion? It is a process of talking/teaching/explaining by example - but hopefully they'll eventually understand how to interact with friends in a positive way.

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 27/02/2010 13:04

Have any of your children properly grown out of being bossy or is it something will always need to be kept in check.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 27/02/2010 18:56

bump

OP posts:

lemsiprocks · 27/02/2010 22:59

Too bad,its genetic,hopefully he'll learn to to conceal it until he really needs to take charge of the situation.

piscesmoon · 28/02/2010 09:42

I don't think they grow out of it-hopefully they just learn how get their own way gracefully and without upsetting others.

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 28/02/2010 10:46

Thanks for the advice.

It probably is an oldest child thing. My sister is the oldest of 4 and she's very very bossy.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 28/02/2010 10:51

At 2, dd2 would do what EVER dd1 told her to. She was hero-worshipped, basically (all rather sweet and everything, but dd1 had free reign...)

At 3, dd2 will NOT do everything dd1 tells her to. The worm is turning

It could all change yet on the domestic front yet, don't give up hope!

piscesmoon · 28/02/2010 10:51

I am the oldest of 3 and I was very bossy-my DCs would say that I still am!

lemsiprocks · 28/02/2010 13:40

Get on with your essay nevergoogledragonbutter , you know I'm always right.

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 28/02/2010 13:45

See what i mean!

OP posts:

Effjay · 28/02/2010 13:52

Apparently, according to my Mum, I was like this as a child. I honestly don't think you have a problem. He'll gradually realise that his bossiness can win or lose him some friends and I dare say he'll learn to adjust his behaviour to suit the situation in time. There's still a lot of social development to be done at 5, so I wouldnt't worry. I think the issue is you don't like being bossed about ... (not many of us do)

Original poster

Nevergoogledragonbutter · 28/02/2010 13:59

Yes, you might be right. The issue does become worse when he tries to boss me around, he meets his match there.

OP posts:

gigglewitch · 28/02/2010 14:13

just wandered in to find out if there actually is any other sort of 5yo.... all those I know, including my own, are extremely, err assertive

gigglewitch · 28/02/2010 14:14

my oldest and youngest are both bossy. it's the poor little bugger in the middle I feel sorry for!

Flip