How can I help my toddler's possessive behaviour

[Nonicknamesleft]

I am completely out of my depth here and wonder if anyone can advise.

DD 3.5 yrs old and going through a tough time with the girl that has until recently been her best friend. The two have practically grown up together, and have been completely devoted.

They also attend the same nursery although not at exactly the same hours. At nursery, dd's friend has struck up a friendship with another (older) girl, whom she (dd's friend) slightly worships. My daughter was pushed out to begin with and reacted with apparent stoicism, but showed her hurt in other ways, primarily I think with a real regression in the loo department.

Absence must make the heart grow fonder because we've just returned from a week's holiday, and things looked a bit better for a couple of days - the three girls were playing together happily enough. Now though, my daughter has decided she wants the friend to herself , which the friend isn't going along with at all and this morning at nursery, dd had to be physically peeled off her as she refused to accept another child playing with them.

I have no idea how to help her learn to manage this relationship better, and it's terribly sad for her. This little girl has kind of been the centre of her universe and dd says she is not interested in playing with any other children at nursery (although in reality she does a bit).

How about introducing her to other children away from the friend, maybe dance classes or something like that. In a new environment she may not look for the other friend and so mix with others, when she goes back to nursery she may not feel the need to be so close to the friend?
I'm not saying to cut the friend out, of course, but try and introduce more friendship options for her?

I think your idea is dead right in principle - that's what I'd like to do. However, it's a bit complicated to go into but the problem is that she doesn't get much opportunity to go out besides nursery (which she attends 5 x half days pw), except to ballet which the other little girl goes to as well (and the other girl has loads of friends there too). I work full time so I can't directly do anything about her social life during the week and realistically, her dad isn't going to be able to do a lot either.

damn practicallity, it always gets me too! hmmmm let's have a think then
Are you friends with any other mums that have children her age? Maybe ask them over for a brew (and cake, of course!) that way you get a natter, and your daughter can play?

Any grandparents, aunties etc?

Have you had a word with the people at nursery, you could explain what is happening and see if they will try and put them in separate groups for activities and things. Not split them up or anything like that, but try to mix them with others a little more?

Nursery definitely aware of the situation and I reckon probably doing what they can, although it mostly seems to be free play there from what I've seen. My little girl's friend still wants to play with her; she just wants - not unreasonably - to be allowed by dd to be able to play with other children too.

We do see other people some weekends (am also hurrying to finish an MA before next baby so social life generally a bit non-existent) and dd is fine playing with other children when the BF isn't around. It's when she is there eg at nursery that dd seems to have very strict ideas about the exclusivity of friendships. The cuckoo in the nest referred to in the original posting (the older girl) has been on the receiving end of some sharp words from dd when she dared to be friendly with yet another child (perceived disloyalty on the girl's part, I assume).

She's just a pretty intense little thing, and I think the idea of human fickleness has come as a nasty shock.

Awwww poor little thing I hope she feels better about it all soon, it may just settle itself, things like that often do.
Let me know!
And good look with the MA! :D

Bless you sekhmet. I'll report back!

Oh gosh,

I've just posted about something really similar.

My son is 4 in March and is really posessive over his friend at nursery. He won't let this boy play with anyone else either and can't read this boy's body language (or perhaps he can and just chooses to ignore it)when he doesn't want to play.

Our nursery are making quite a big thing of it and say they've never seen another child like it, which worries me.

Reading your post it makes me wonder if some children of this age just have to go through this stage in learning about friendships ...?

I am in a similar situation and my son does not do a lot of socialising out of nursery.

It is difficult. Can't think of any answers though - I'm sorry!