DD will not behave on playdates!

[PamPru]

Help, DD is 3y10m and will not play nicely on playdates. Today she wanted whatever the other chid had and hit her at some point too. So embarassed and upset. We don't hit at home and try to teach her to share but I don't want to do playdates anymore as they are just so awful and end in tantrums.....any suggestions?

I'd stop them for the moment if they're stressful. Does she have other ways of meeting children- nursery or playgroups or somesuch?

you need to hover like a hawk at this age and be ready to intervene in a flash

It's a stage - horrid but it will pass

chin up

Don't do them - wait til she's at school.

If you want to still do them, I second hovering advice. Also, praise the other child to the skies. I have a playdate friend who can get funny - although not hitting - with my DD and this is what she does. It pretty much works.

She's at nursery school so is with other children alot and I've never had complaints about her behaviour from there. She has been fine but recently has gotten where she wants whatever the other child has and today she hit her friend which is awful, we don't smack at home and she knows it is not acceptable behaviour. She apologised as soon as she had hit the other girls but it doesn't excuse it.

I would advise against playdates at home if they're just stressful like this! It's just too much for young kids - they're still learning to share and having other kids all over their stuff or having access to another child's toys sometimes brings out the worst in them!

I'd arrange to meet up at soft play/parks/swimming for a while until she's a bit older.

My DS is 2.4 years old and although he is a little younger than your DD, we often have his friends over for playdates and we go to his friends houses too. I think they learn the appropriate behaviour by playing with other children and that stopping the playdates altogether may not solve the sharing and hitting. If my DS misbehaves when he has a friend to play I tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable and remove him from the room. I think if your DD sees consequences from her behaviour, such as she can no longer play or her friend has to go home then she will eventually learn the right way to behave.

I think you either stop or start having more to quickly get through to her that you won't tolerate any unacceptable behaviour towards visitors.

If she is at nursery most days she may be just too fed up of behaving herself to control her natural impulses to have what she wants.

All comments noted and thank you. This is new behaviour though and I don't think I made that clear. She is very well socialised and has always played really well with other children. I sat her down when she got home from nursery and we had a discussion about her behaviour this morning but I have no doubt that none of it was taken on board! I'm going to try one more playdate next week and if that doesn't work I'll stop them for a while. It's hard work this parenting thing isn't it??

playdates are shit tbh
ds3 cant do em either

Sorry, wanted to add that I have done all the usual things such as removing from the room, explaining consequences and last week we left the playdate that wasn't going well and I explained to her why but by the time the next one comes around she seems to have gone back to step one again.

I'm having to think about this from the other side so would be interested in people's thoughts:
I often meet a friend/ colleague and her 3yo son on her days off (I'm currently on mat leave with a 7 week old). To begin with he was fine with my rather shy 2yo DS but recently he has become quite aggressive and every time we meet up now he will try (and unfortunately often succeed) to push/ hit my son and certainly try to stop him playing with whatever to he currently has or shows interest in.

I'm starting to be concerned that his is making him more nervous of playing with other children and am wondering if we should stop meeting them for a bit but have no idea how to say this to his mum!