best age to talk about sex

[mrsrat]

I keep asking my 9 year old if she wants to have THE talk but she says no ! When should I just bite the bullet ?

DD is 8 nearly 9 she finds out a bit and asks a bit - that's fine. I also know that Father Christmas gave her a book called Hair in Funny Places by Babette Cole which is written in a kid friendly style and doesn't give the answers, it just hints at topics that they are then bound to ask you about bit by bit when they are ready. Fab for encouraging dialogue, especially if you want them to be a bit clued up and avoid the embarrassment of being the last to find out just about everything (I had very British upbringing!)

Completely agree WonkaBar. I cannot fathom how a child gets to the age of nine or ten without knowing such information.

DD has known about sex, periods, etc since she was tiny. I walk around naked, she sees me putting in tampons, she sees condoms in the house, she knows I use a diaphragm as my method of contraception. She's 8.

I honestly have no idea why there such a need for secrecy about sexual matters.

When my son was about 3 he asked how he had been born. I told him he 'popped out'. I always answered any questions he had. As he got a bit older he asked how he had come to be in my tummy and I told him that mummies and daddies fit together like a jigsaw puzzle and that mummies had eggs and daddies had sperm and it all came together. Talking all the time meant that we never had 'the Talk' as such. Also talking when they're young means that they're not too embarrassed to talk--that only happens when they're older.

I agree with all the comments about the "drip drip" method being ideal - that was always my attitude - but we ended up having a talk so late because my DD just hadn't asked the questions before then!

We don't particularly hide things - but we don't leave the door open while we're having sex either!

DS is 5 and he knows a fair bit about how babies are born, I answer him whenever he asks questions.

Daddy put lots of seeds inside mummy and they had a race to mummy's egg and he won (!) and it grew into a baby (him). Mummies have three holes, one for pee one for poo and one in the middle to push a baby out. That is keeping him quiet for now!

DD is 3 and knows about the same. I have told her what tampons are for and and she wasn't phased at all. I said that when a mummy wants a baby inside their tummy gets nice squashy stuff so the baby is comfy and can grow, if the mummy doesn't want a baby then it all comes out and it looks a bit like blood (she hasn't ever seen it though don't want to traumatise her!) and mummy puts a tampon in to catch it.

I think you need to have a talk as soon as possible and work out what she knows from school and then go from there.

If you are looking for books to go alongside the talk, Babette Cole is great, in particular for talking about puberty 'Hair in Funny Places'.

I think it is important for a nine year old to know about periods. It is not considered unusual for a child of that age to start. Even if you are sure your dd will not be starting soon, there may be a child in her class who has so it makes sense to clear up any fairy tales. I told my dd most things at 8, and she has books in her room about puberty. Many books on this subject are designed for children of this age. Talking about sex just followed on naturally from talking about puberty.

My ds1 was 8 1/2 when I read him 'Mummy Laid an Egg' by Babette Cole. It was fun and informative, but at a level that was appropriate for him. He understood it, said "that's yukky!" and put it away in his drawer to refer to when he wanted. He's now 13 and with further drip feeding from his dad and I and his school, he seems quite clued up in the subject. I was prompted by him really - asking the odd question which made me feel he was inquisitive and ready. Good luck !!

I discussed sex/birth when I was pregnant with our 4th ... Eldest son was 7 and daughter was 5. She asked and son listened in! Once I'd finished she looked at me and said "AND YOU'VE DONE THAT 4 TIMES?" Husband and I didn't know where to look. I would only tell when asked.

I agree completely with WonkaBar - GET OVER IT!!!

I think we pass on our hang-ups to our kids - there doesn't have to be the horrible "Talk" if the subject is discussed openly from a very early age. Ds(2) has already seen lions doing it on a documentary, and I told him then, and will keep telling him matter of factly that's how babies are made.

I remember a book my mum showed me when I was very small - about four or five which was very straight forward and a real non-event - just another book we talked about.

If you tell them straight without being embarrassed they won't learn to be embarrassed about it.

My mum gave me "the talk" after I asked what the little paper bags with the picture of a lady in a crinoline were for in the toilets. It went in one ear and out of the other, dismissed by my 10 year old brain as totally irrelevant and she had to go through it again when I was about 13! (Luckily periods didn't start till 14!) I thought it was totally disgusting! I remember being really shocked seeing an erect penis in The Times in the school common room when I was about 14, even though I had two brothers.
I was determined my own son would not be so ignorant. I just answered questions as they came up, although I drew the line at being asked if he could see where my "baby hole" was whan he was about 4!
He is now 17 and talks to me very openly about such things; he is not afraid to broach problems I could never have talked to my mum about.

By the way Nooka (26/2) I assume you meant to type pubic hair rather than public!