Need advice with my 14 month old

[minkeymonkeymoo]

Hi

Can anyone help a newbie please?

My dfb has always been a feisty little boy and has always been quite wilful. However, the past few days he has really been testing my dh and I and throwing quite a few tantrums and I don't really know how I should react, although I want to be consistent from the beginning.

I am guessing that when he has tantrums (and they are just that, if you pay him any attention he is miraculously fine), I should just ignore the behaviour?

However, he has recently started being 'naughty' (I really hate branding a child that young 'naughty'!) by climbing on the TV table and pulling at the TV (a plasma on the wall!) There is no way we can secure the area and so far, with everything else, he has responded to us just telling him no. However, now he constantly makes a bee-line for it and smiles at us when we say no. He has fallen off before - thankfully not very hard! - but still does it. I obviously want him to learn not to do it before he does any serious damage to himself!

I am a SAHM and spend most of my day playing with him or talking to him while he plays and I do chores so he is not short of my attention. We also go to toddler groups or play dates most days. I have always been happy for him to explore the house - everything else is baby-proofed! - but need to know how I get him to understand when I really mean things. Can anyone please help?

Many thanks in advance.

Welcome minkey.

I found it a difficult stage with ds as he didn't really 'get' no for a fair bit. It might be worth lifting him away as you say it just to reinforce it? I think they see the no-ing as attention, and any attention is good, so it is quite hard to tell them off.

COuld you use one of those baby pens that fold into different shapes?

Tantruming is tricky - it depends on the kid and the reason. For me and ds, he responds well to sitting him down and talking him down, but I have friends whose dcs calm down with being left alone for a bit. It's a case of trial and error, sadly! There'll be triggers that you'll notice and prevention is better than cure, though they are part of growing up.

He sounds like a normal wee toddler. Terrible twos start well before the second birthday, but it doesn't last, honets.

For a child of that age, distraction and redirection are probably the first line of defence. A removal with a firm no, followed by a quick intro to another activity, as often as required, without getting cross if you can manage it (v v hard!) as he might well be interested to see just what Mummy does when she's really cross. He'll get bored eventually, but perhaps not before you lose the will to live . Anything that's related to safety can't be ignored, but if you're as casual/businesslike as possible hopefully it won't become his favourite way to get your attention.

If you're into books, The Social Toddler is good on dealing with that kind of testing behaviour. Not a quick fix though - very sympathetic to the child. Good luck!

Hi nickytwotimes

Thanks for the reply. I do have a playpen and leave the door open when I am in the kitchen / dining room (open plan) and he often goes in to play. It's when we are in the living room that's the problem and that is too small for a play pen, sadly.

I do say no and move him away - even into the play pen (this seems like a punishment although he cries for 30 seconds then starts playing) - but I can't see how I can do this every day for the next however long ... I find myself going out just to avoid the situation. I can cope if it's something he will grow out of and it's just a matter of time ... :-)

I don't think avoidance is a bad idea, if he's too young to really get 'no' yet. If it works, is easy and keeps you sane - do it! Maybe he's signalling a need for some bigger/more adventurous play opportunities like the climbing frame at your local group/one o'clock club?

Hi Mij

Thanks for the reply. I am really trying to not get cross (remarkably I think I manage most of the time as I normally have quite a short fuse but am amazingly tolerant of my lo!)

I really hope that he will get bored of it soon - but goodness only knows what he will choose next! I am fairly certain the rest of the house is pretty baby proof but I guess that he will show me otherwise if not!

Thanks again

Hello I have 2 kids and am a SAHM too. My son is aged 13 months and can actually say a recognisable "no!" as he tries to pull at the gas heater on our wall in the lounge, open kitchen cupboards, standing on coffee table etc. My boy no matter how many times I say no to him, can and does go back to the same things over and over again everyday. He even throws a full on tantrum every time as well, on a good day He even looks at me and laughs too sometimes! So you're not alone.

I really like the advice on here already but I try and shut all doors to places he can cause extra trouble, unless I'm in there. I have put bean bags in front of my book shelves so he cannot access books, a toy crate in front of stereo and the coffee table blocks the DVD/Video player etc. I think if I could, I'd buy a stair gate for the kitchen door so I can hear what my LO's are both up to whilst cooking tea but then my son cannot get into kitchen.

I try and avoid battles by blocking things off etc if it has become his new favourite pass time But as mij says "a firm no, followed by a quick intro to another activity" is a good one too.

My son isn't used to a playpen and I suspect if I tried to introduce one now, he'd get very upset, as his sister has free reign of the place at 2 and a half years old and he likes to play with her (well, try to play with her). But you never know that may work for you, if you need a sit down and have a cuppa or 10 minutes to get dinner on the go.

It is just a phase, they do enjoy testing the boundaries to see if they've moved. Be consistent, he'll grow out of it x

Thanks all.

You have made me feel much better. I know that I am not alone and, in all honesty, like that my lo is adventurous. Although some days I would like a baby that just sits there

tacp, my lo seems OK when he chooses to use the play pen and is OK for a while when I leave the room (feel guilty but it needs to be done sometimes) but he doesnt like being in it when I am in view!

omaoma - oooo a climbing frame. Scary for a mum .....!

Well at least if you need a pee you could do it in peace and take a deep breath if he's being extra tricky that day LOL

... well i didn't say a big climbing frame! they have an indoor one at the one o'clock club near us, it's about 1.5 feet off the ground...

Thanks again all ... off to get some sleep so we can start it all over again tomorrow ...