Struggling with toddler: worried how this will effect him

[Clare123]

My toddler is very active and very boisterous (2.6), but a lot easier than he was 6 months a go and generally life is better. However, there are still times that I really struggle - for example this morning when he hurt his sibling, so I gave him time out, but then he scratched and hit me. At these times I feel dislike for him. I really do, and it takes me a good couple of hours to "get over it".

Later on during the day I looked at him and he is so loving and cute, I felt that my heart could break with loving him so much. I just wonder if my feelings of dislike at times have/will effect him? Or is this normal?

normal IME

DS is 3.5 years old and veers between angelic (to the point where i want to slobber him with kisses) and utterly horrid

often in the space of a nano-second!

his sister is only 18 weeks so i guess he is still adjusting to her arrival

DS lashes out at me at times and i don't like it either

I think it is pretty normal.

It might be helpful for you to think that you are actually not-liking his behavior, rather than disliking him, iyswim?

Also, there is nothing wrong with occassionally disliking your loved ones, so long as you still love them.

Please don't worry about it. It is good if he feels your disaproval at appropriate time. He will also be well aware of that heart-breaking love you talked about.

I distinctly remember my mum saying 'I don't like you very much sometimes but I will always love you' she said it ALOT, I love her to bits

Thank you. This is very reassuring to read

Totally normal. Children really can drive you mad. I always get that loved up feeling when I look at them when they are asleep. Says it all really.

Totally normal. I used to get this with DD1 all the time when she was 2 - 3 and I had just had DD2 and she could be absolutely atrocious and hit and bite the baby, or me etc, or just generally have tantrums. Even now (she's 5) there are times I feel that way when she is behaving badly. The big thing to try and combat is the time it takes you to recover from the feelings rather than the feelings themselves, which I think we all get. I found with DD1 that I would feel angry and 'dislike' her for easily a couple of hours after whatever incident had happened, whereas children tend to bounce back to normality pretty quickly, so then we could be very out of step and she could be trying to regain my favour, behaving beautifully, trying to hug / kiss etc and I could be quite cold towards her. I am better now at snapping out of it - i.e. if I am rightfully angry I will get cross, give time out or punish and then hopefully recover myself about it rather than letting the anger fester (I try anyway!). I hate it when they sulk, so I try and tell myself not to 'sulk' about their bad behaviour either! It's hard though sometimes.