10month old does not want to be left at creche. WWYD?

[TomThumbMum]

My ds is 10months, he's had major sleep problems, he can sleep and has for about 15 nights in total but most nights I'm in and out 8 times+ or he sleeps in with me after taking hours to try and settle him. We know now that it is an attachment to me that causes this, not hunger and my husband can not settle him or the screams just escalate. Anyway to save my sanity I joined a local gym with a creche, to give me a break and try to get over my extreme tiredness! He only goes for an hour twice a wk and he was totally fine for the first few wks then a few weeks ago he had a complete meltdown when I left and they had to call me to collect him 15 mins later. I tried again this week and asked them to get me if he got upset and again after 10mins they called me in as he was inconsolable.
The creche have suggested that I need to bring him as often as possible and just leave him to cry and he will get used to it. They booked him in for 5 half hour sessions over the next two wks. I cancelled this morning as we had a terrible night last night, awake on and off from 12-5am even when sleeping next to me and I couldn't face taking a tired baby to the gym creche and leaving him there to cry. It seems so selfish as I only take him so I can get an hour off but I am concerned that he needs to get over this in preparation for starting nursery in April. I hate to leave him if he is just not happy there or not getting the support/attention he needs. I just wonder if this is not a good method of getting him used to it, could it do more harm than good to force him to stay somewhere without me and just make him get used to it? Has anyone any experience of this sort of attachment or separation anxiety and will it improve with time? Ds stays with his dad and granny happily in the day when I am not around.
TIA

If you can, try going to the creche for an hour and play for 30mins and then leave for a while whilst he is playing with others, even if you go for coffee and a magazine. During your first 30mins, keep looking around the room at things without him but so he can see you then leave.
Come back the first time after 10mins
then 20mins
then 30mins

At home, practise waving bye bye when you leave the room and he is with someone else. This will teach him that you come back.

Leave with a smile and come back with a smile

Keep the tone of your voice high and cooing..not pacifying as this will give him the impression that he may not have been safe and you are rescuing him.

It will be hard, but try not to sleep with him..This is a contentious issue I know and is solely a personal choice so take what advice you want and leave the rest but personally, I think he is associating only you with being safe and consequently he is anxious when you are not there.

I am a believer in controlled crying...Not every one is but I have seen it work repeatedly over 16years. It may be time to bite the bullet and give it a go.

The fact that he can be happy without you around is great and take comfort from that. It will just take a bit of time but you will get there. It's all about him taking cues off you and so you must be little miss cheerful at all times!! x

DS1 was a dreadful sleeper and very collicky during the day probably until he started walking. I had the same problem in the creche at the gym - he wouldn't settle and because he was so close they would come and get me. In the end I actually put him in a nursery for two mornings a week - they often said that he cried - but i needed a break. I often just came home and slept.
BTW my DS2 was an angel - some of them are just sensative

he is ery small still, i would consider knocking it on the head til he grows out of it (he will)
if he has separation anxiety, separating him is not the best idea.
lots grow out of it by 18m.

Thanks for your responses. I felt reassured and gave it another go by staying with him for ten mins and nipping off for 20 mins today and yesterday, however he attached himself to one carer who couldn't leave his sight or he howled. He was in a state when I picked him up today and has cried on and off all day which is completely out of character for him, he is normally so happy in the day. I can't put him through this so am taking the advice that he will grow out of this and will try again in a couple of months.
Regarding his nighttime sleep, thanks Mrspoppins, I have carried out a sleep programme for three wks which essentially built up to controlled crying slowly. Ds has a dummy though so I still have to go in and give it back. We had some success and I've had about 15 nights in the last 3 months where he's slept through but he always goes back to being awful....I am putting it down to teething at the moment but I can't give calpol forever!

Regarding the dummy..it can be a real hindrence to sleeping through and sometimes, stopping the use of it helps no end...a good idea to restrict and then stop use as early as possible so perhaps have a think about that and give it a go. I don't think it will make matters worse for you by the sounds of it and you may find you.....was going to say kill two birds with one stone but it sounds sooooooooo aggressive....but you know what I mean

10 months often seems to be around the age when the strongest separation anxiety seems to occur. Its a psychological stage - they are realising you are a different person from them and can go away, they don't understand time well yet (5 mins can seem an eternity to a babba) and they don't yet understand the idea of you being out of sight but still there (this is why peekaboo can go on for HOURS at this age without them getting fedup of the "surprise" oh theres mummy again!)

Also often they are not physically able to get up and follow you (unless early walkers) and this frustration adds to the anxiety.

Personally if you can face it, i would NOT leave him to cry in a strange place, i would consider this cruel and unnecessary. Most professionals do not advocate ANY form of CC until at least a year old (and many are moving to around 2 years as the starting point) as under this age they don't "learn" that you are coming back, they simply cry till exhausted then give up, but are still profoundly mentally affected by the seperation anxiety.

Give him the care he needs at this age and you will be rewarded with a secure, confident and loving toddler and child who knows mummy is his touchstone of safety and comfort as he ventures further out into the world.

thats my opinion only of course!

Cruel is incredibly strong a term!
I intensely love my children and those I have cared for over the past 2 decades almost...I have always used cc successfully and with absolutely no ill effects and as some of these babies now are leaving home and off to unis and the like, I say this confidently.

Sometimes, cc works imo because it actually helps the parents. Some parents overstimulate a child who can't sleep and so the baby can't sleep and the cycle pattern is set.Their anxiety at this terrible noise and their sleep deprivation can be an all consuming problem. They may be working or have lots of other commitments.

cc can be every 2 mins or whatever you like...You can leave the longer gaps for the older child; you can use 1-3-5-1-3-5 whatever you feel comfortable with and can cope doing.
It doesn't mean that we are cruel.