oedipal syndrome and what to say? Ds (nearly 4) says "mummy you love me and daddy loves dd"

[deaconblue]

He won't have it that I love dd too and dh loves him too. I said I have so much love in my heart I can love him, dd and daddy - he just looked at me with his "you are mental" look

Just agree, yes I love you, daddy loves dd we all love each other. Don;t make a big thing of it

Would just say "We all love each other, don't we?" and leave it

He'll grow out of it soon enough

I get this with both of my boys, although DS1 (almost 6) has grasped now that I love him, his brother and his Dad equally.
DS2 (almost 4)gets into my bed every morning, hugs me and says "Mine, all mine". I slept on his floor when he was ill recently and he ended up getting in with me. It took a few weeks to explain to him that we couldn't kick Daddy out of his bed so me and DS2 could snuggle together.

I think it is normal, just keep re-iterating that you love your DS and your DD and your DH and the penny will drop.

DD does this - she insists I love her and not DH and not the cat either, only her. She also gets cross upset if I hug Dh or the cat.

So maybe it's not a oepidal thing....

He's not even four for goodness sake, you can talk about Oedipus complex if he still says the same at age 15.
Relax.

DS (3.5) is my best friend. He's not Daddy's best friend. The fir tree is Daddy's best friend apparently.

psml at the fir tree being daddy's best friend.
I was being light-hearted about using the term oedipal complex obviously - was just wondering what ohter people said in response

lol at term 'oedipal'. Sorry. agree with other posters about how you should handle it.

Aah- good!

I read somewhere that this sort of strong, exclusive (and even passionate!) attachment around this age is the first step children make towards developing the capacity for happy romantic relationships later in life. I'm not sure what can/should be done about it, if anything. But it is a phase that passes as children develop wider interests (eg start school, activities with both parents...) - and then sometimes re-emerges at around 9 or 10.

Just a few thoughts anyhow...

DD1 loves daddy, daddy loves her and sometimes DD2, I love DD2 but not DD1 or daddy.
If I kiss DH in front of DD1 she gets furious and insists on a kiss for her to even the blanace
Kids are crazy people. Ignore it or refute it but don't make a big deal out of it.

Mine climb between us in the bed. My dd1 used to sob if I showed any affection to my husband, even at 9/10 months. We just ignore them and continue to hug, much to their disgust. As others have said, treat it lightly.

Don't call this oedipal!

I'm not an expert but in the psychology books I've read, I seem to remember that the key thing was to respect the intensity/seriousness of your child's very real feelings (i.e. don't put them down or make fun) while at the same time making it clear that the primary relationship remains that between you and your DH/partner and that the child is not going to "get in between" to reorientate things so that the dominant bond in the family is between mum-son or dad-daughter. This is actually supposed to be reassuring for them - they like to push at the boundaries but it is pretty scary if they can actually knock them down!

I think it's just the usual thing of standing together on discipline issues, not arguing (too much!) in front of the kids, not running the other parent down to the children in their absence etc etc.

Wise words from Bumpsadasie.

My DD gets jealous if I kiss DH in front of her - "don't kiss my mummy, that's MY mummy!" I find it sweet but we've never really bothered saying anything apart from a little chuckle. They all get over it and move on to other things eventually.