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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

bedtime rituals for parents with toddler and newborn - Help needed

17 replies

Stigaloid · 15/02/2010 10:29

We have just had DD in december and are really struggling with bedtime rituals. DH is going to be away on Friday and i will need to put them both to bed but we are struggling here. DS (2.7) just wont go to bed and thinks it is agreat game to keep getting out of bed and his room and making noise - i know it is an attention thing and he wants to be with us, but he needs sleep and gets grumpy next day as he doesn't go down in time. DD is 7 weeks tomorrow and trying to get her to go down is tricky as she has reflux so we have to keep her upright and make sure she is properly winded before going down, which can take up to an hour, if not longer and if she wakes with wind after 30 mins it takes ages to get her down again.

Can take past 9pm to get them both asleep, by which time i need to get to bed so DH can do 11pm feed and i can do the 2am and 5am shift before getting up at 7am with DS.

I am absolutely despairing of bedtime now and dread it. Any advice or examples of bedtime routines that works for others would be very gratefully received.

Thanks

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threetimemummy · 15/02/2010 10:39

Well this is what I did..I had 18mth between my two...

I would feed the little one whilst I read stories to the older one. This gives a comfort feed to the little one and attention to the older one.

Then, (i used to actually sit ON the bed with older DS0 sit the bay pright/win etc whilst you still read a story (we used to do 4 or 5 - I know this sounds a lot but in the end it is worth it as the time taken to read is full on attention and then they dont take up time later on trying to get attention, iykwim?)

Then tell toddler to lie down and snuggle in and you will be bak in a few moments. Go put the little on to bed (who should by now be winded and fed and calm) Pop little one in cot and go into toddler, kiss, night night, back in a few moments. Go back to the lo and settle if needed. Back t toddler. Stretch out the times in between toddler visits - he will be reassured that you are still thereif he needs it. After a few of these he will be settled anouh and fall asleep. Continue to settle baby as neeeded.

I know it sounds back and forth, but realistically, you can go back and forth calmly or you can go back an forth cause the toddler wants attention resulting in both of you going batty and cranky!!

Keep this up and he will eventualyl learn that you are still there and wil come to him i needed and usualy one visit will be enough.

Most importantly, he is grabbing for attention cause he can ear the baby grumbling and you dealing with the bay. So when you go in to settle hm if th baby cries, just ignore it for the minute t takes to settle him so h knows that he can be prioritised as well and wont be dropped" for the baby.

Hope that helps!! It worked for us Time well spent!!

threetimemummy · 15/02/2010 10:39

Gah! sorry for the typos, the 2yr old is trying to help me type and getting in the way!!

fernie3 · 15/02/2010 10:42

my bedtime routine with three has been the same since newborn although the baby is now 12 months old! and is:

5:30 all three kids up to the bath. Two oldest play in the big bath while I bath the baby bath (too much splashing in the bit bath). get baby out dry cream on etc and into pjs. Get two oldest out of bath wrapped in towels and into my bedroom, I put the tv on for them while I feed the baby,by now it is 6pm and i put the baby to bed

next I get the three year old ready for bed and take him up to his room, I read him a story and tuck him in. I have a stairgate on the door, I leave the door open but I close the stairgate as he is not safe on the stairs alone.He cant get out and once he has a drink etc there is no need to, sometimes he does cry but I dont force him to lie down if he wants to wander his room fine thats up to him but hes in his room and thats that no wandering around no matter how much of a fuss he makes, if he falls asleep on the floor so be it.I move him, I learned with my older one that the more you make a fuss about it the worse it gets!

anyway he is normally asleep by 6:30
I then go into my room TV and snuggle with my 5 year old and do her reading and writing from school, at 7pm she goes to bed. Most of the time now she is happy to take herself up no problems.

7:30 husband gets home and go ahhhhhh as the day ends lol.

when my 3rd was newborn the difference was that she would stay near me at all times in her basket in the bedroom, so I would put her to bed just the same as now at 6:00 after a feed BUT she may need comforting and feeding during the rest of the routine, the rouinte still stood though. I am terrible with routine I have one for everything but its the only way I dont go mad!

threetimemummy · 15/02/2010 10:49

Sorry meant to mention, my two are now 4 and 2 and have moed several times, had seperate rooms, shared a room, moved countrie etc! LOL We also go away to granparents house etc.

As long as the routine stays the same, they go to bed on time and ok.

We do dinner, play for a few minutes while I clean up, bath , jammies, stories and bed. Now that they are older, all of us do stories on Little ones bed, then he goes to sleep, then i do "big boy" special snuggle and story time on the older ones bed.

It can be pushed back half and hour if out, pulled forward half an hour or whatever if they are tired, but a long as the sequence is the same they are all good. In fact, now that they are older they cn tolerate small changes in routine such as going out to dinner, no bath as it s late on a weekend movie night/whatever.

I have no. 3 arriving soon and she will just fit in with the boys (well, thats the plan!! pmsl) then as she gets older I imagine we will do her bed, then DS2s bed then DS1s bed!!! Like musical chairs!!

Original poster

Stigaloid · 15/02/2010 13:18

Thanks ladies. I am finding it really hard at the moment as DD' reflux really plays up worse in the evening and she is in a lot of discomfort if on her back straight away. I feel awful for DS who i know just wants attention and reassurance and am so tired it is hard not to just want to hide under the cot and weep!

We have always had a routine in terms of bath, milk, stories, brush teeth, bed but DS is dragging this out for as long as he can and whereas before both DH and I could deal with DS we now have to deal with one each and we are failing.

Will try to do the back and forth and see where we are and will let you ladies know when/if we crack it!

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threetimemummy · 16/02/2010 07:42

Morning! Was just wondering how you went last night?

BlameItOnTheBogey · 16/02/2010 08:24

Stigaloid; my dd was born on the same day as yours. ds is 20 months. I know it's not ideal but I out dd is a sling whilst doing stories etc for ds. This keeps her upright for almost an hour and I find she goes down easily after this.

Original poster

Stigaloid · 16/02/2010 20:32

Hi Ladies - DS was exhausted yesterday so went down at 730 - been out of bed a couple of times tonight but not too bad. DD shattered after long day with barely any sleep thanks to noisy DS. Thanks for all your advice - will keep you posted/come back for more help when needed - will deffo try the sling idea too! Thanks.

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verybusyspider · 16/02/2010 22:55

I have 18 months between each of mine and found at 7 wks if I bathed ds3 he would crash out asleep, so I'd get everyone in bathroom, give ds3 a quick dip and put other 2 in bath whilst I got ds3 dried and dressed, give him feed in bathroom if he took it and then put him in bouncy chair on landing (he also had reflux so at that stage we were always settling him in chair or car seat anyway to keep him upright) If he didn't sleep sometimes he'd be happy to sit in chair whilst I did stories.
I'd then sort out other 2 and then transfer ds3 to cot/take him downstairs with me.

When dh has been away I have just laid on floor in ds's room to get them to go to sleep - that takes about 20 mins where as them shouting and faffing with putting them back takes ages, I know its not ideal but I always figured that when I was at a point I could 'train' them I would (they are 3, 2 and 8 months now btw and fall asleep by themselves fine)

My advice would be relax, if you end up taking ds to bed with you, know its not the end of the world and you can 'put it right' when you have had some more sleep

verybusyspider · 16/02/2010 23:03

sorry op I didn't read all the posts! glad you had good night tonight x

PolarMummy · 17/02/2010 21:28

Stigaloid just a thought, could you put DD down in a bouncy chair so she is still upright instead of down in her cot?

Original poster

Stigaloid · 17/02/2010 21:34

Have bought a sleep wedge pillow for her cot and that seems to be helping a lot. for last 2 nights have had both DC's down by 8:30pm. Still needs work but at least it's not past 9pm - getting there! Thanks ladies

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SophieBelove · 17/02/2010 22:47

Hi, my son was 23months when my daughther was born. She is now 9 months. Bedtimes during the first 8 weeks were very tough, as the baby would cry for up to 2 hours while my son crashed in and out. It took a while for me to realise that the baby was overtired and needed to go to bed earlier. So then I started plonking the boy in front of the tv at 6pm which allowed me time to spend 30mins feeding & settling the baby. at 6.30pm baby girl would be sleeping and i could start the boy's bath. The same routine works now. baby is usually asleep by 7 and her brother is asleep by 7.45. I loosely follow the Gina Ford routine and it has always worked brilliantly for me.

Sophie

www.beloveforall.com

Original poster

Stigaloid · 19/02/2010 15:44

Sophie - that sounds exactly like our evenings - will try earlier bed for DD tonight as see how we go - although had them both down by 8pm last night! woot! - punches fist in air

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Original poster

Stigaloid · 21/02/2010 20:13

7:30 ladies! 7:30!!! That is the time i had both DC's down in bed by tonight.

takes a bow

I thank you

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mummyindisguise · 21/02/2010 20:15

Woot!!! What technique did you end up using? Good Work!!! Persistance is the key!!!

Original poster

Stigaloid · 21/02/2010 21:18

We got rid of TV! Think it was causing him to get over stimulated so no TV at all - with a newborn it was on often and he has never been a big TV watcher so it really affected him. Went back and forth between the two as well but put DD down earlier as well as she is tired at around 6:15 so started bath/bedtime routine then. I also let DS go to bed with a book and his little night light torch and i hear him recite to himself the whole 'We are going on a Bear Hunt' book (so cute!) and come in around 5 mins later and he is asleep cuddling his book.

Righto - 9pm - off to bed for me - hurrah!

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