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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What is your 3.5 (or so) child's memory like?

14 replies

PavlovtheCat · 14/02/2010 10:30

What can they remember? How far back? Are there specific details that they can remember better than others? Has it always been like this? Does it get better, or worse?

OP posts:

waitingforbedtime · 14/02/2010 10:32

DS is 3.1. His memory seems phenomenal to me. For example, before Xmas so aged 2.11 I said we were going to a friends house - we hadnt been there since he was 1.7 and he remembered a lot fo details about the house etc totally unprompted.

blinks · 14/02/2010 10:34

i often ask her to remember stuff for me as i'm proper dotty. i remember reading that children have much better memories than adults so clearly it gets worse as they get older.

MaggieMaeve · 14/02/2010 10:38

my 7 year old can't remember anything about the house we lived in when she was four though. i said to her, what colour were the sofas in the living room of our old house? and she couldn't remember. there were two of them and they were red.... but even when I reminded her of that, it was a blank...

my 4 year old remembers things that happened in the last 3 months I think! Further back, it would have to be something very dramatic.

nicnacinoonoo · 14/02/2010 10:39

my ds remembers really random things at odd times. we went to florida a year ago and he'l often start talking about things from the holiday just out of the blue. he'l also remember going to someones house once we revisit or are even on the way there even if it was a very long time since we last went. this christmas he remembered that he delivered christmas cards for granny on his scooter last christmas and asked to do it again totally out of the blue.

and yet when i ask him what he's done at pre school that day he answers 'nothing'. or when dh gets in from work and asks him what he's done that day he seems to need help from me remembering. it seems his long term memory is fab but his short term is rubbish. either that or he's just not interested in answering our questions

havoc · 14/02/2010 10:40

Staggering good, he'll remember the way to parks and other places that he hasn't been to for over a year.

Never remembers to wash his hands after going to the loo though

waitingforbedtime · 14/02/2010 10:41

Oh ds always says he's done 'nothing' at preschool too!!! Think that's just awkwardness though actually because sometimes he'll come out with stuff but he just won't tell us if we've asked iyswim?

motherbeyond · 14/02/2010 10:42

my two amaze me with their memories..they're like elephants!!dd is nearly 4 and ds has just turned 2.we were in a hotel yesterday and he said "where's pat?" took a while to click,but we'd run in to a friend of my mums there, called pat,briefly said hello and goodbye..that was a good 6 months ago,so he'd be 18 months! dd also has scarily accurate memory,she remembers things from when she was tiny.

nothing like me...mind like a seive!

beesonmummyshead · 14/02/2010 18:59

dd aged 2.5 has an outstanding memory! I remember reading that children aged 2 can only hold memories for 2 weeks or so, but we recently went into a cafe which I had no idea dd had been into, but when we came in, she told us who she had been in with and where she sat and what she ate! turns out she would have gone in June 2009 so 8 months ago! Not even I can remember what I ate 8 months ago!!

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 15/02/2010 07:37

I am glad it is not just me with a sieve memory! I think that is probably why i am so surprised at the detail DD can remember. She remembers things I don't, from further back than i do. She remembers routes and directions to places we have been to once a long time ago. She remembers activities she did with granny the christmas before last, (skating in particular and asked to do it again this year with her). We found a (clean) sock in the back of her cupboard which belonged to her old nursery (borrowed when hers was muddy), from last year, was very similar to her own, and she remembered where it was from (was only 2 then). She remembers the most tiny details that make me and DH go . Her memory is very much as you all describe, the things she remembers are very similar, but like ninacnooo she also fails to remember what she did at nursery that day! I wonder why that is DH thinks it is because she is normally tired and switches off.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 15/02/2010 07:56

My DD has always had a fabulous memory. However, I don't think you can necessarily expect at 3 year old to be able to describe his memories in words when he/she was pre-verbal at the time he/she is remembering.

We visit my parents every few months. My DD has always had a perfect memory for everything that goes on in that house - who does what when, where things live etc. At 3 she would walk in the door, not having been there for 3 months, and just get on with her life.

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 15/02/2010 07:59

bonsoir that is a really good point. I am going to have a think about the things she has remembered really far back, and see if she was talking when she remembered all of them, or if any where pre-verbal.

I know from the top of my head that one of the thing she remembers furthest back she was only talking very slightly, but still she was talking...

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 15/02/2010 08:05

There is a strong theory of maternal care which basically says that babies are imprinted with the type of care that they received from their own mothers. As an adult you have absolutely no way of verbalising the memory you have of the care you received as a tiny baby. However, when you have your own baby, the care you will naturally give it (ie if you haven't read too many babycare manuals and got confused ) is the same as the care you received from your mother.

In my own family, that theory definitely holds true - my female cousin on my maternal side, my sister and I all very much behaved in the same way with our newborns. It was descended from our maternal grandmother.

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 15/02/2010 09:13

I am not sure that applies to me. I was brought up by mother and sister due to my mother having a breakdown due to the final end of an abusive relationship and as such my much older sister took care of me much of the time. So that theory would mean i would reflect that care. I am sure not, and she is now a terrible mother!!!

OP posts:

vesela · 17/02/2010 10:02

DD is very nearly 3, and while when she was younger she had a very good memory, it doesn't seem to be as good now - she can't remember things from as far back as she used to.

I know their brains go through some sort of a re-wire? shake-up? at this age (which is why people mostly can't remember anything earlier than 3) and am wondering whether that's why her memory doesn't seem to stretch as far back as it did.

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