7yr old DD pulled a knife on me!

[ReneRusso]

My DD has a terrible temper (have posted on this before). She tends to lose it over something very trivial. Tonight it was because she couldn't find a pencil, and also was struggling a bit with her homework. She found some reason to blame me and amid the crying and shouting, she lifted a kitchen chair upside down and approached me with it, then pulled a knife from the knife rack . She didn't actually get near me with either the chair or knife and quickly put them down, but I am seriously worried about her behaviour. What should I do? I am not really in the habit of drastic punishment, and I haven't really found a punishment that actually results in improved behaviour. I realise I am obviously doing something woefully wrong in my parenting. Should I be getting professional help for this kind of behaviour? She is generally an angel at school or at other people's houses. Thanks for listening, any advice or comments gratefully received.

You've loads of time...though it won't feel like such!!!

Mine always stuck to bedtimes even in the holidays..My 17yr old now sorts out herself but holiday or not, my 12 year old has the same bedtime. I just found it easier and because of my job, which is even busier in the holidays, my girls still needed their full sleep even more so than a school week!!

Bedtimes change with each new school year.

Don't worry about competition...mainly because it isn't one! Make that really really clear. This is about you wanting to show them how lovely it is for them to be good as individuals. You can be sure at school that rewards are used and the teacher won't worry if some kids get more than others...it is just life. The downstairs jar can be collaberative if you'd prefer. They are working together to have a reward. When one needs to be taken out, you don't make the matter worse by saying now look what has happened...you have lost a reward point...instead you say..don't worry. It's sad to lose one so I need you to remember how fed up you are now and try really hard to earn one back..ok!!

Good luck...let us know how you get on and stay well.x

I just wanted to say as a child I was like this, absolutely shocking temper! It's not a case of disrespect or anger at you, it is a rage that you cannot control! Got me in bother a fair few times but I could not control it. My brother knew what buttons to push and I pulled a knife on him once, just to shock him, god I sound like a maniac now. I think it's not as uncommen as you'd imagine and is something that is nor in your dds power to vontrol. It gets better with maturity. Not sure how this helps but wanted to share xx

Thanks all. I also called ParentlinePlus today to discuss what to do and they were really quite helpful, can highly recommend.

Thanks CharlieBoo - I punched my (older) brother in the face and made him bleed when I was little - and I turned out lovely!!

Rene, just wanted to reassure, as only just got back to this. Am really only echoing Adair, but didn't want you to think I meant you weren't giving her enough hugs. In a way the fact she takes her anger out on you is a compliment as she does it because you're the person she feels safest with. Which means from what you've said I can guess you do give her lots of hugs already iyswim. All I (+ I think Adair) meant is that for such a big incident as knife pulling a hug and a chat about why rather than a punishment might be a good way through. You sound like a lovely mum and it sounds to me as though she knows that.
ps: I knocked my brother's teeth out when I was about 7 and I'm pretty nice now too.

thanks smee, no offence taken

My son did this to me once, probably about the same age. He was horrified by what he had done, put it back at once without having touched me, I realised that he was shocked so did not go further with punishment. He's never done anything like it again and now has no anger management issues. In fact, people who are in contact with him always mention what a lovely sweet-natured boy he is. And I don't think his outburst was a reflection on me in any way.

My brother used to have violent temper tantrums, kicking and biting. He stopped when he got old enough to really hurt someone, probably his latest outburst was around age 10. He has grown up a very law-abiding and non-violent person.

So I certainly don't think every child that once does something like this has to grow up a psychopath. Some children have ongoing problems with disrespecting their parents. But that's not the only reason this situation could arise. You need to look at the individual child.