Playing on their own. When does it start?

[chiggles]

My ds is nearlly 2 and I would like to know when they start to play alone. He does do it but as soon as I get a book to read or get up to do something in the kitchen that's it. He want's me to play with him. I have to stop reading (or he takes the book off me) or stop cleaning and put sand in a bucket or water in a bucket or push a car, anything that he was doing which he was happily doing alone till I wanted to do something.
It's like the fox and grapes. If he doesn't want to do it I can't either, even if he's capable of doing it one his own. It's not like I never play with him. I'm with his 24-7 and I do play alot. He's getting now though so that he doesn't always sleep in the day and a whole day of amusing a 2 year old it hard. When he does sleep I use that time to do my things. (Or first thing in the morning when he's in bed.) But when he doesn't it's a very long day.
Sorry, could have said that in fewer words. Anyone else got a child like this?

Yes, my ds was like this and I'd say it's normal. I'm having a job remembering when he started to play alone though - think it was about 3.5 but he would play with other children for a while on his own before that or sometimes get absorbed in imaginative play alone. He usually wanted to be near me though. So my advice is either move his activity closer to yours or borrow a play mate for him. It does get easier as they get older, honest but I remember this stage well and it is frustrating when they want you to join in all the time isn't it?

my dd is 3.5 and still will not play on her own - I have to be involved in everything! Probably my fault as being a working Mum I have always spent every spare minute with her...

I would say it was round about 3 that DS1 started to do "imaginative play" with the happy street people etc by himself. DS2 (2y3m) plays by himself now so I assume he's learnt by example. They also play together.

I think it can vary a lot. My eldest never wanted me to play with him, right from crawling stage. I would start a jolly little game with him, then realise he was missing - he would be behind the sofa playing on his own! Otoh, my youngest has only been playing on her own since she was 5 or so. Even now, she'd like me to play with her all the time, but after four children, I'm all played out.

ds1 was just like your ds - always wanted someone to play with - preferably me. But also enjoyed having friends over - so do take the advice here and have a playmate over. I often found him easier with a friend than on his own!

It just depends on the child, and their temperament - ds2 has always played well alone. 2 is quite young for any child to entertain themselves. All children get better at this as they get older, but ds1 is still pretty demanding and he's nearly 6!

dd is only 13 months and loves playing by herself. She tends to get quite frustrated if I try to help her play with certain toys. She loves playing ball with me, but woe betide me if I try to interfere with her stacking cups.

DS (10 months) used to be quite happy playing on his own before he could crawl. Now he is mobile and can pull himself up to standing, he doesn't sit and play like he used to.... why sit when you can stand? .... why play with boring toys when you can crawl and scavenge?

I try to play with him to make sure that we're interacting as I started to get into the habit of leaving him with his toys while I did other stuff all the time. Now I probably spend a couple of hours spaced throughout the day playing with him and his toys, 'interactively' watching television or looking at books, and he plays happily on his own as well.

That's reasuring. He does see his friends quite a lot (at least 3 times a week) and for his age he does play quite nice with them, the only thing is, is we play quite rough with him and he loves it, so he thinks everyone wants to roll round the floor being jumped on so I have to watch him a lot. If we go out (ie to Wacky Warehouse) he will happily wonder off on his own and doesn't care where I am so long as when he looks up he can see me. He does do the imaginative play thing, even with a slice of bread if he's ate some of it he thinks it's a car or horse. I do always stay near him too. Only another year and half to go then!

Chiggles, could you get him involved in what you're doing (cleaning, hoovering etc) so at least you can get that done. A friend of mine with 3 kids (youngest aged 2) insists that you should always have a little helper for housework. He also sits little dd down next to him to read her book whilst he's reading - doesn't always work but it's establishing a pattern of helping out and then allowing each other quiet time whilst still retaining the company they seam to need at that age. HTH

My ds doesn't much like to play by himself either 21months. The only thing he likes to do alone is watch a video of people singing. He is also extremely happy in the car, listening to music tapes, but at home he wants company and entertainment all the time. My friend recently told me she got nearly two hours to herself while her ds played with his Mothercare sand table, which nearly inspired me to get one, but ds seems unimpressed by sand...

Oh, and if it's turning into a long day I agree, invite people round or just go out - anywhere! At least the housework isn't staring at you then.

The cleaning helper works really well in my house!

To stop myself going insane with constant attention requests (ds is 2 too), I break the day into half hour "slots". I give him a half hour of undivided attention where we do what he wants to do, then I do fifteen minutes of chores where he can accompany me if he chooses. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. Then for mealtimes when I really don't like him being with me near the cooker, I have to admit I make good use of the TV (thank god for Cbeebies) to keep him occupied as the lesser of two evils.

It gets us through the day both being reasonably satisfied - ds is happy he's got lots of unbegrudged attention throughout the day, and I'm happy that I don't have to do loads of chores as soon as ds has gone to sleep and can have a well-deserved break!

Surely it depends on the individual child - my DS has always played on his own (not much choice - I am not into 'playing' - horrible mother alert, I can always remember being horrified at my SIL telling me how she had played model pirate ships with her DS for 2 hours!) I am happy to read but my DS just has to get on and play on his own; he mixes well at playgroup & when we visit other children so I don't think he has a 'problem'. I am pleased because it must be a real advantage to be able to amuse yourself and not have to be constantly entertained (this applies to adults too - I am always surprised at people who can't seem to stand their own company!).

Lindy, I know what you mean about adults not liking their own company. I love being on my own and find it easy to amuse myself. On the other hand I do love playing with ds, I was even in his paddling pool at the weekend with him for hours. (With hot water in!)
I do try to let him 'help'. He's at the stage now were what-ever I do he wants to do it. Even to the extent of putting eggs in the trolley when we go shopping!! He hoovers with me too.
The letting him read when I do is hard cause he'll do it for a few minutes and then it's 'swap' and I end up with his and him with mine. LOL.
How old's your ds Lindy?

GeorginaA, I might try that idea. I like to get things done when he's awake too so I can have some 'me' time when he sleeps.
Thank you.

Hi Chiggles, my DS is 2 and 3 months - but I must admit that he has always seemed to 'play' on his own. I have friends who can't leave the room without their child following them or getting upset - I don't think mine notices!!

I would say at 2 and a half - but does depend on nature of Baby/child. I find mine paly really well when I am threatening bed time!

I agree re nature of child - my ds has always been much more self contained and able to amuse himself than my dd - and I'd say the position of the child in the family is also a factor. I think my ds learnt to "play" rather than "be entertained" from my dd. Obviously being forced to play barbies from the age of about 22 months kickstarted his imaginative play abilities!

He also plays games with, and talks to, his bear a lot. The bear is always getting told off for doing things wrong as far as I can work out!