How can I cure my daughters irrational phobias ??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is nearly 5 and is scared of most animals. She likes looking at them, and she sometimes says they are sweet. If they come up to her though, she compleatly freaks out. Her main fears are Cats, dogs, birds and cows.
My MIL has a small dog, who is extreamly sweet and well behaved. We go to her house most days and my daughter is o.k with this dog. She dosn't like him jumping up, but that's all. My MIL also has a cat, who my daughter is terrified of. We have to keep her and the cat seperate.
She comes from a family of animal lovers, so it's a bit strange really.
She is also scared of the water and going swimming.
She used to be fine until she was about 2.5 when she fell out of a boat and although she was wearing a life jacket, her head went under.
We tried to take her swimming since then, but she starts screaming so we have to leave.
She has been going recently with her school. They take them to a neer bye leasure centre. She was fine the first 2 times, as her favourate teacher was there with her. The last time though, the teacher couldn't make it and when my dd realised it would be someone else helping her, she freaked out. Apparently she was screaming and trying to climb up the teacher, shouting "get me out, get me out!". Not good.
We are going on holiday in 2 months time and there will be a lot of swimming involved.
I'm hoping she'll be o.k with her Konfidence jacket and rubber ring. She'll have us there too of corse.
I'm going to start taking her to our local swimming pool once a week. She already goes once a week with school, so once a week with me might be helpful.
If you have any ideas, to help with water confidence or fear of animals, please could you let me know.
We will be swimming with dolphins on the holiday, so I'm really hoping she can over come her fears enough to take part, even if it's just stroking a dolphin.
I'm worried, she'll just freak out and it'll spoil it for everyone. I'm hoping the staff would take her for a while if this happened.

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ok. Don't want you to go unanswered.

Phobias are tricky things. I think the best you can do is to bring her near to water so she gets reaccustomed to it being benign.

To be honest, when a small child has a scare like that, genty gently is the approach. clearly she is ok with swimming with school. And adding a bit more with you really helps.

But I do think its unreasonable to expect her to overcome her fears just to fit in with your holiday agenda. To be honest, if my child had this, I wouldn't have booked the holiday, not for fear of spoiling others enjoyment, but simply because I would not book a holiday where my dc was bound to have issues which would make it unpleasant for her.

I would start by acknowledging her fears , after all they are not irrational to her. Lots of people are not fond of animals for all sorts of reasons, they can be unpredictable , overwhelming, smell, make funny noises or breathe hard. She may not like the sensation of fur so I don't think it is necessarily something you can expect her to deal with so young.

Focus on the water issue. Was it the lack of someone familiar that threw her rather than beign in the water itself. It sounds like she might benefit from some one to one lessons , is that an option over half term, to build her confidence. Maybe going to less formal pool with a gradual beached side where she can paddle with some fountains and bubble jets. ds is quite noise sensitive and pools do tend to echo and distort voices so maybe that is something to consider.

Will she be old enough to swim with the dolphins, I had thought the min age at one park was 6, but they are used to SN kids so will have some strategies to help and encourage her to join in.

I know, but we won the holiday! She has never been on holiday before.
I don't mind if she dosn't want to go near the dolphins etc, we can take it in turns looking after her.
I think once she gets used to the water, she should be o.k. (I hope)

Dd1 had phobias of animals until we got our own dog, it took her a few weeks to trust the dog but now she will lie next to it and cuddle it.

Dd1 is'nt keen on water but will get in a pool, she tends to cling to the side or keep her feet firmly on the ground, i don't force the swimming on her, although i think its important to be able to swim it's not the end of the world and i would not force her to get in water if she feels unsafe.

Ah, those freebie hols, eh? I see your dilemma. Taking in turns is probably the best you can do, with all the other gentle introductions you have suggested, and those of other posters here.

Thanks LIZS, If there's an age limit, then I'd imagine there will be someone there to look after her while we go in.

I've just spoken to my dd about going swimming with me tomorrow, she started breathing fast and said "No, I only go swimming with Mrs B". That's just great, she trusts her teacher more than me. I think it might be that she likes routeen.

Oh, don't feel bad, its just she has been forced to overcome her fears due to expectations at school, and that must have been pretty hard for her and a big deal, now she is comfortable with that...its not that she doesn't trust you, its just another hurdle to get over...

Gently gently....make her a participant...say lets do 5 mins in the pool together and then get a favourite snack....

We ask a lot of our kids I think, no harm in showing we understand how tricky it is, but to go through easy stages with them.Not pandering to their fears, but certainly not dismissing them. Give her all the credit due to her for having mastered her fears in a school pool situation!

Don't call it "swimming" and go somewhere different - waterpark, splash pool, leisure pool etc. Or take her to watch at leisure centre where other things are going on.

I wonder if they'd let me go with her when they swim with the school?
She might want her teacher insted of me, but I could see her progress and do the things with her that they do in the lesson maybe.

and remember in Florida it will all be different - hot, outdoors and clear, warm water for starters

That should help, as she feels the cold. I'm hopping she'll supprise us.

I wouldn't get into that habit tbh . A friend did this with her ds (who it later turned out was ASD and almost deaf in addition to speech issues) and she got roped in long term so she had to help all of them change and encourage the less confident. Did her ds no good either. He left dc's school during year 2 , went to local state school and within a term, had a statement and support even though he was not in their language unit.

I'm not sure they'd even allow it. My daughter is usually better behaved if I'm not there.
I wouldn't want to be roaped in long term either.

I'll also look in to swimming lessons.
We are watching children with dolphins on u-tube too. She likes this and says they are sweet. Probubly dosn't mean she'll do it though.

try getting hold of photos/web pages etc of place(s) you will be going to. And read plenty of books with DD about kids swimming. And do your own stories - there was a little girl called Lucy who went swimming in Florida/saw dolphins etc.

We never get that far, as she starts shouting if a dog comes up to her.

Yes, I've eplained that when she shouts, the dog wants to see what's the matter and will come up to her. She seems to understand at the time, but she'll do the same thing again. I think it's a natural reaction for her.
She's not too bad if she can see that a dogs on a lead. She thinks that's safer.

Hi mll...

Here are a few suggestions that might help you

Thanks nickschick, great idea about the float jacket in the bath. She could perhaps lay back in the water with it on.
When she has a bath, she always sits up and I use a jug to wash her hair. Since she's been swimming at school, I noticed her trying to lean back, and she's lying on her side etc. I think she wants to experement with the water.
She does like it warm though, and our local pool isn't that warm. Would she look silly in a wet suit? It might be a subtle hint for them to heat the pool more.

No let her wear her wetsuit - i would.