What's happened to my 3 year olds behaviour?!?!?!?!?!?!

[desperatehousewife]

Turned 3 on Friday and since then he has been crying, stamping his little feet and been SO defiant about the most ridiculous things. Cries over the smallest things. I'm hoping he's just tired and emotional since the build up and excitement of his b'day and party.

Tell me this isn't it for the next year?!

My DD didn't experience terrible twos it was terrible threes instead. I think that she was just exerting her independence. She is 4 1/2 now and has grown out of it i'm glad to say.

Threenagerhood, overexcitement, and probably over-sugared. Inevitable I think. Mine are always stroppy little toads for a day or two after hugely exciting events. Don't let it get to you - OK, impossible, lets rephrase that: don't let him see that it gets to you.

hi there desperatehousewife.....i threaded about my three year on this "three year old with attitude" as she is completely wild and has been since she turned one....and it is only just lately since turning three she has become worse but I am glad I threaded as I found out I am not alone with this and hope that you get some positive feed back like I did......and hope it makes you feel better even tho your three year olds tantrums do not!!!

thanks! What a monkey. I'm not impressed at all. It's also a bit heartbreaking to see such little things bothering him so much!

hey there desperatehousewife....yes I can totally understand how you feel it is so heartbreaking to see them so angry and upset....but believe me when it happens day in day out you get used to it and learn to deal with it and cope with it so I do hope that if it is not a phase you have the encouragement to go on.....

hoping that all okay desperatehousewife and you feeling a bit better with the advice let us know.......

How much food colouring did he eat at his party - could just be that working it's way out - kind of like withdrawal symptoms.

hardly had any food colouring! They had marmite sandwiches (wholemeal bread), mini sausages (good quality ones which I cooked), mini cheddars, a few plain crisps (no salt), some twiglets, mini pizzas (my ds didn't eat these) but then the killer was a tiny slice of vienetta icecream packed with e-numbers i discovered once i got it home...oops!

I am hoping it's just tiredness and anti climax of the celebrations....he's a lovely little boy really!

Thanks everyone. If its not tiredness, then I just have to remember like all the other times...i'ts just a phase!

Did the vienetta have 150 or 160 9a or b) in it?

Other than that did lots of people he doesn't see very much come to the party - my ds has been distraught at the least thing since his beloved grandparents went back to the UK.

Spiderboy is now 3.5 and I can honestly say that 2.5 - 3.5 has been a very rocky road. Now emerging, blinking and shocked, from the chaos.

Oh yeah, threenagers. Dst are 3 1/2 and after skimming through the "terrible twos" unscathed they have decided to unleash hell at this point.

Sometimes it is hard to get the upper hand but we brought in the star chart or "good boy" chart as we call it and you would be surprised how simple sticker bribery works!

I thought we had been through terrible twos - did the whole sticker chart and bribery etc and naughty corner a few times all of which really worked.

But this is something else. I shouted at him this morning "you are being horrible, where's my lovely little boy gone?" HOw guilty do I feel now?

Today has been a really tough day - we've been out all day without the buggy and he has winged pretty much all day, wanting to be carried, wanting toys bought for him, wanting this that and the other. I haven't liked him much today.

Not enjoying this phase one bit. Nothing seems to work - I just seem to be getting more and more high pitched and loud - which I guess isn't helping (probably wants a rise out of me) and I've just been so embarressed out in public with him sobbing his heart out, tears streaming down his face wailing for "mummy I want a cuddle" (meaning, carry me, I can't be arsed to walk).

HELP ME don't know how to deal with it!

Does your DS jump up and down wave his arms about wildly, my DS does if he can't get his own way.

Eating is a problem too, sometimes he completely refuses to eat anything on his plate, even though he loved it a week ago.

Threenagers - good word that!!!

hey there DHW hoping you are okay...I have had another awful day with my DD wild child the worst ever......and cannot see the wood for the trees at the mo.....but have seen some excellent threads on the subject and has given me hope and some confidence and encouragement about it all.....so hope that it does you too

DHW - when my DS threw a screaming tantrum in the shop, I warned him then after getting no result, I left my (full) trolley with the customer services lady. Told her to please return my groceries to the right places, as I could not finish my shopping as DS did not know how to behave in the shop. Told DS (very calmly) that I would not tolerate that behaviour and we had to go home until he could be "happy" in the shop. He was stunned, then FURIOUS, then embaressed, then very apologetic.

During the FURIOUS stage I carried him screaming and yelling through the shopping centre, strapped him into the car and he calmed down on the way home, begging to be taken back. I refused and said I would only go back with him when he as a happy boy. Bless his heart, he did try smiling and asking nicely, but I told him it was too late. He needed to behave the whole time we were in the shop.

I have not had the problem since, but he knows that if we are out and he misbehaives he is going straight home (and into time out where there are no toys). He knows I am not kidding.

If we are out for dinner and he misbehaives, he sits in his car seat in the car with an adult sitting with him (not talking to him). We've only had to do this twice, and now he is a real pleasure in the restaurant.

Of course, I try not to take him out if he is overtired or not feeling well. Also, I would not do this if he was just a bit stroppy or a bit "overenthusiastic" - but when it became out of control then this really worked for me.

Also, if I ever see another kid throwing a tantrum when I am out, I draw it to DS's attention and tell him "that's not very nice is it?" - and he shakes his head and says "no! ugly!". That at least gives him a point of reference to know what he looks like in a similar situation.

I've no doubt he'll be pushing the boundaries again. But DH and I are totally united on this issue, and DS knows it. We tell him that it is his choice. "You choose. If you want to stay out in the shops with mommy, you need to be a happy boy. You can yell if you want to, but then I'm taking you home".

My real fear was that if I couldn't set a boundary now and stick to it, what on earth would I do when he is a teenager!

Kiwi Kate - wow, I admire your resolve! very impressive. It's just so embarressing isn't it?! How old is yours?

Problem is mine would be thrilled if I said "right that's it we're going home" (he doen'st want to be out shopping in the first place)

Maybe I should try confiscating his favourite toy for a bit? Or at least threatening to. Troublie is he's just had his birthday, loads of new toys and he's all a bit overwhelmed I think!

Great tips though thank you.

It's a bit selfish really. I don't have energy to fight all the time. It's so much nicer when we can go out and have fun. If yours doesn't like shopping, maybe you can do a treat at the end of the shopping if they are good (eg a walk in the park, a go on the swings or something like that)

Mine is 2.2yo now, but tantrums were at a younger age (about 20m.o). Of course, he tries to push the boundaries, but he knows very clearly where the boundaries are (so he does not have to try and guess).

A word of caution - I'd not receommend threatening to take away a toy unless you mean it. If they realise you don't mean your threats then they will simply throw a bigger fit until you give in.

And yes, very embaressing - but then you think of childbirth and kids pooing in their pants - and well, you just have to laugh. Not at all dignified, this parent business.

Best story I heard was of a 3.5yo throwing a fit in the store, and his mum was carrying him out, he yelled out at the top of his voice "PUT ME DOWN LADY! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" Very smart boy.

that's really made ma laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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This may not be the case with all children, but when we had ds1, we didn't understand the meaning of the terrible twos, for us it was the terrible threes.

Sorry!