Help please-2 year old won't go to bed!

[Bubbaloo]

Ds2 will be 3 in April and has always been a great sleeper,sleeping 12 hours+ every night.
He is still in a cot and about a month ago,started screaming after dh had read his bedtime stories and tried to leave the room.The screaming was hysterical so we thought that maybe he'd be better in a bed now and perhaps he no longer wanted his cot.
He loved the new bed but wouldn't fall asleep on his own-dh laid with him for 20 mins or so,til he fell asleep.He was then wide awake and screaming again around 1am,refusing to sleep anywhere except our bed.After a week of this,we thought that maybe he's not ready for a bed yet,so he's back in the cot.Tonight has been a nightmare.He's refusing to sleep in his cot again and is currently asleep in our bed and again,dh had to lay with him til he fell asleep.
Really have no idea why he's suddenly got a problem with going to bed and also don't know whether to keep the cot in his room,or put the bed back in there.
Although he's nearly 3,he is a very young 3 year old and doesn't talk,so he can't even tell me what the problem is.
If anyone has any advice or answers,that would be great,thanks

What are the reasons for his delayed speech? When you say, doesn't talk does he chatter but not in a understandable way? How is his understanding?

This has a bearing on what you can try next.

Just from reading your post, there have been a lot of different ways to go to bed over the last few weeks and nothing fixed and consistant which will give him reassurance. I think this is what you need.

The understanding is the first thing though. Let me know how that is and then I'll give you a few things to try.

(I'm a nanny of 16yrs and run a confident parent business. Always happy to pass on things that have worked for me {smile})

Oops-I seem to have posted the same thread twice,so appologies!
He says about 20 words but understands absolutely everything you say to him.He has seen a speech therapist and is on a waiting list for one to one speech therapy.He is also waiting to see a paediatrician to be assessed for Dyspraxia.
No I guess we haven't been very consistant but he really dislikes any change(in anything).He also has a dreadful temper and after another screaming session the other night,he had a black eye when we went into him.Have no idea where he got that from.Obviously he is also very frustrated having delayed speech which I don't think helps.

Ok...here goes.

Don't go back to the cot...get rid of it..let him help you get rid of it/dismantle it etc...even for just a few minutes so he can see what is happening.Honesty is best.

Make a book with him..something simple A4 paper stuck together, all about beds! Cut out catalogue pictures of beds to stick in it and pillows and duvets etc... print off a picture of a bed from the internet to colour in...or scribble on...doesn't matter!!!...type 'colouring in bed' into google images for the front cover...That sort of idea...write in big letters the word 'bed' underneath. Ok... that's done.

This is to give a positive association with the bed.
Now for a routine. This is going to be tough but stick with it. You will have seen this technique on TV masses of times but it works. I have been a nanny for 16years and it has never failed me. It won't fail you either but it needs complete focus and consistancy. You must not revert to what you did before no matter how tired you are...if you do, all of your good work is utterly useless...it may take a few days or a week or two. However long.never stop!

Teatime and last drink

Bathtime/ teethbrush. Quiet talking/ lowered tones..keep everything calm and serene.If necessary, bath him really early. It doesn't matter. It simply gives you longer to do things in a more controlled manner. Bathing an exhausted child who is tearful is a nightmare waiting to happen!
Warmed towel...cosy warmed pyjamas on radiator...last wee wee if potty training and then pj's/nightime nappy on...one cosy little boy!

Onto bed in dim room..Books already chosen earlier in the day. Tuck in and read quietly. At end of story time...(always stick with the same number of books however many 1,2,5,whatever!) Kiss goodnight...love you...light off and door shut.

Here you go!!!!!

Have a chair outside his door to sit on/ magazine...you'll need to make yourself comfy! When he starts to scream and yell....ignore. If he comes out of the door, take his hand and say Bedtime now and put him into bed...no kiss...not too much tucking in but with absolute serenity..no tense face or worried looks. He IS ok!

Door shut...sit on your chair and start again. Next time though and all the other times after, don't speak or look at him at all but don't be mean either...gentleness, take his hand/guide him back nicely. If he is kicking and screaming at you put him back into bed the nicest way you can...don't get cross and don't react. You will be ok and he IS ok. You are teaching him something new and showing him he is safe. This may go on for a few hours but it WILL lessen each night until it doesn't happen anymore.

IMPORTANT...If all goes quiet, leave him...do NOT sneak in. You can check him later on when he has been sleeping a while. If you sneak the door open and he is awake...all hell will let loose!

Now..all that said, you need to be happy with it all and thoroughly know what you are doing. Don't start something you feel you can't continue. Adjust the plan to suit you or ignore completely It is your choice as it is you who has got to put in all the hard work.

I wish you the very best and especially with the speech too. xx

ignore ignore ignore.

they get out of bed - put them back dont even talk to them
ignore

lol Custardo

Thanks-that all sounds great but I really can't see it working.
When he wakes at 1am he will literally scream the whole place down,until he gets his own way.
Dh(who has more patience than me)went into him the other night and was there til 2.40am,trying to get him back to bed and it still didn't work.He ended up back in with us.
We also have ds1 and if I leave him screaming,he'll end up waking him too.Dh is also up for work at 4.45am every morning so really needs as much sleep as possible.
However,with it being half term next week and dh has the week off work,I shall give it a go,as it won't be so bad if no one gets any sleep.
Will let you know how it goes.
Btw we managed to lift him into the cot last night when we went to bed,and he stayed there til 6am.He must've been tired

Good luck! Starting next week sounds a great idea. It really does work. He screams the whole place down because he knows he will evenyually get his own way. Once he never does, a few days of that and he will be resigned to the fact that it isn't going to get him anywhere and so it will lessen.

What is really important is that where he sleeps is where he wakes up...start in a bed and wake in a bed but make sure it is his own!!!

Let me know how you get on!!!!

Just a little update to say that ds has slept all the way through the night for the last 3 nights,so what you advised obviously worked!
Many thanks