Does this sound like a reasonable way to deal with this issue. 7 year old girl

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My DD is 7. She is a nice kid - one of the older ones in her year, confident, friendly, has lots of friends but not a queen bee or anything.

She has always been very protective/empathetic ( I think because of her brothers SN) and likes to look out for the smaller girls in her year whilst usually playing with the big ones too.
One of the girls in her year is pretty bossy. Nice child, just tends to boss the others a bit and she is increasinly bossing the smaller/more timid ones as the bigger ones tell her where to go.

I have had chats with DD who doesn't like the smaller ones being 'picked on' as she sees it. I have told her that she can stick up for her friends but she still needs to be nice to the bossy girl ( used here for descriptive purposes only ) as bossy girl probably does not mean to be mean and is just getting carried away.

Anyway ( to cut to the chase) DD told me last night that the few bigger girls have a club to protect the little ones and it is the "anti-bossygirl" club

I have told her absoloutely that that is really not OK. And it must stop. And I told her off for doing it.

I now have to try and define where the line is between protecting child A without being actively nasty to child B.

I have told her that if her friends want her help she can help them.
But that she must not ever talk about bossygirl in a mean way, nor have a group which is saying things that are not nice - however well intentioned.

I don't want to tell her off any more ( having already done so) for what I know are genuinely nice instincts but can I do anything else to draw the line more clearly for her? The group were not saying anything bad other than that bossy girl is bossy and must be stopped ( it was not personal things or other issues but obviously still not nice)

Sorry . Long I know
I just really want this cleared up for her so she gets it. I would hate bossy girl to be upset.

Should I just go throughthe protect your friend but you must continue to be nice, tolerate bossygirl and groups etc is Not On

Hi

Firstly, mention it quietly to the class teacher so that they are able to keep an eye on the situation. It could also be helpful if they could pin point why this nice girl has this reputation and re teach her a way to interact with her friends so she is not misunderstood but that is for them to decide. Hopefully they'll think of it!

Your daughter thought she was doing a good thing as you say out of compassion for others but it would be a good thing for her to learn too that everyone needs to try really hard sometimes to stand up for themselves. Even if they think they can't do it and she should let them try.

They are only little still and life is so black and white at this age. Friendships break and then reform on a weekly if not daily basis. This little gang will probably fizzle out. Pay little attention to it..perhaps invite this little girl over during the holidays for a play date along with another friend and involve them in positive activities to encourage friendships.

Don't worry too much...girls especially do this sort of thing at this age...so long as they haven't started designing membership cards!!

at membership cards.

Fortunately the little girl and DD get on very well - aside from this.the group are not mixing together other than one time of the day and mix well otherwise. She isn't being excluded or shunned or anything.

I suspect the girl is kind of between the bigger, more athletic, older girls and the smaller more timid ones ( huge generalisation obviously) and is trying to exert herself a little.

You are quite right. I do need to stress to DD that the other girls need to deal with these things on their own sometimes or she is just domineering them too , in a different way.

Thank you for your suggestions. Very helpful

Does the school have a 'circle time' equivalent? Similar issues in DS's year have been dealt with very well by the teacher bringing it up in a very subtle 'naming no names' way at circle time - the children draw the conclusions for themselves and become very serious and intense (and incredibly funny) about dealing with things the right way.