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Can anyone recommend a technique or a book to help 5 yo DS with impulse/anger control?

3 replies

bran · 10/02/2010 13:03

On the whole DS isn't too bad. He's very extrovert and attention-seeking so he's quite tiring to deal with, but also full of fun and curiosity. He's loud and excitable and often has trouble with thinking about consequences before acting especially when he's tired. Fairly standard for a 5yo I think.

He gets a school bus to and from school. Some of the other children on the bus are much the same personality and they wind each other up. There often have to be serious chats from the school and from the parents with the 3 ring-leaders (DS, another boy and a girl, all the same age). Yesterday I came home on the bus with them. DS and the other boy argued the whole way, we separated them and put DS in the row behind the other boy. When we were nearly home DS threw a booster seat over the back of the seat in front of him at the other boy.

Now DS is in absolutely no doubt that throwing anything at all in a moving vehicle is dangerous and not allowed. He has done it in the car with me when he was younger and got such a telling off that he hasn't done it since (about 18 months). I have told him that he will not be allowed to come home on the bus again until I am sure that he can make a good choice about whether or not to do something dangerous. I think it'll be a lesson that will sink in as it will take at least an hour to get home by public transport, 30 mins on foot, 20 on transport, another 10 mins on foot. It's probably going to be cold and wet and he hates walking with a passion. It's not going to be much fun for DD and me either.

The thing is he will always come up against irritating and frustrating people, or people who encouraging him to do something he shouldn't. I really want to start teaching him some control techniques now before he gets to an age where he's unsupervised and able to get into serious trouble. I've always been naturally cautious, I'm too stubborn to respond to dares and have no inclination to please other people by going along with their plans so this isn't something I've ever had to learn therefore I don't know how to teach it. I'm sure there are loads of books about this, but I need some recommendations to separate the good from the barking mad please.

TIA

OP posts:
defineme · 10/02/2010 13:04

'There's a volcano in my tummy' has helped my friend's 7yr old.

bran · 10/02/2010 13:57

Thanks defineme, I'll have a look at that.

OP posts:
mrspoppins · 11/02/2010 20:57

There's another thought..what if you don't make anything of it at all? Just always give masses of praise for good choices.
As you say, normal stuff for someone of 5.

The problem seems to be the school bus. Do you get on with the other parents of the kids he gets into trouble with? If so, what about collaborating with them to find things to do on the bus rather than argue? eg...finding pictues on a certain topic,making and sticking them into a book...folded A4 nothing elaborate and then they can look at each other's...just one idea.

Anger is too instant at 5 to be rational so redirection and keeping them usefully occupied may be a way forward.
He sounds a lovely little boy...the more extrovert ones are always more challenging but OH so much fun!!!

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