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Behaviour/development

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Right am losing the plot with 2.6 dd far too regularly now help

14 replies

megcleary · 09/02/2010 19:00

She is generally lovely as all kids are but lately she's been htiing me around the face, knocking off my glasses or shouting shut up or screaming if she doen't get what she wants or is aked to do something.

Now I know this is normal but i need advice on what best to do.

Some examples of what I have tried today are "you have upset Mummy by hitting her it hurts don't do it again"

Later when tearing sandwiches apart and slapping me I calmly kept asking her to stop, she kept going and slapped me and knocked off my glasses and I jsut screamed her name at her and she burst into tears.

I am not proud of either of the ways I dealt with her today, I feel the emotional blackmail stuff will fuck with her mind (DH thinks I am OTT for worrying about that) and wish I didn't lose the plot and shout.

It is increasing in frequency and I need advice on what best to do.

We do sit her on the bottom step when but now when we start telling her off she says i sit here etc no talk to you

help

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Cyb · 09/02/2010 19:03

I would remove her from the situation calmly and when she has calmed down talk to her about how hitting is not good.

I'm not sure if whacking ones Mum round the face, even at that age is'normal' though, is it, even in the throes of a tantrum?

megcleary · 09/02/2010 19:10

Will give it a shot and do always tell her that we don't hit its not nice etc have now the added worry that the face hitting is the bigger worry

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megcleary · 09/02/2010 19:39

Any more wise words.

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HumphreyCobbler · 09/02/2010 19:42

My ds hit out at my face when in a strop. I don't think it is that abnormal a behavior. I certainly didn't handle it particularly well iirc.

He is a reasonably civilised three year old now, just to offer some hope.

preggersplayspop · 09/02/2010 19:47

I've had one of those days too. DS1 will lash out at my face also sometimes, which is very unpleasant - he knows its wrong and will say sorry afterwards but its like he doesn't see straight when he is in the throws of a tantrum.

Its really hard to keep your cool so I can sympathise. I've been trying to get a bit of time out for myself in another room so I can gather my thoughts and try to work out what can be triggering it so I can tackle the underlying cause - tiredness and hunger/thirst normally the main problems here. Lately DS1 has been seeking attention as he has a new brother, so I try to make sure I spend one on one time with him playing etc when DS2 is asleep.

choufleur · 09/02/2010 19:47

take her out of the situation. if she is tearing sandwiches apart take them away, if she hits you either go out of the room or remove her so that she can't hit.

You could try bribery - so if she behaves nicely she gets a sticker or a stamp on her hand (DS still loves that).

JiminyCricket · 09/02/2010 19:47

I would go for consistently saying no, removing her to another place, and otherwise ignoring for a few mins and responding when the behaviour is calm again, as I guess she is looking for your reaction and quite enjoying the power of making mum upset - totally normal - if you feel like shouting go out in the garden or something to get your cool. Soo frustrating, but its just a developmental phase.

wilkos · 09/02/2010 19:48

my dd is the same age and started doing similar a couple of weeks ago. so far what has worked is grabbing her hands and saying very loudly (not shouting) and firmly "no we do not hit people do we? it is not nice" then if she carries on doing it she gets put elsewhere in the house away from me - where she will generally cry and moan for a bit and then say "sowwy mummy, no hit people, not nice". sometimes she needs a bit of prompting, ie: " miniwilkos is there something you would like to say to mummy?" but she always says sorry and genuinely means it. then we have a cuddle

as I said though, this is working FOR NOW. doesnt mean to say it will work next week though

minxofmancunia · 09/02/2010 19:57

My dd went through a horrendous phase of doing this at exactly the same age, sought advice from peadiatric/CAMHS colleagues and was assured there was nothing abnormal about it, just a trait of feisty strong willed feisty children. It got worse when I was pg with ds.

I would echo wilkos advice, I can empathise with you I screamed at her on ocassion and felt like s**t afterwards, too many times

just remember, remove, calm, low voice, consistent, then sorry then cuddle and move on.

She's 3.5 now and lovely!

megcleary · 09/02/2010 20:03

Thank you for the wise and hopeful words. Taking a favoured toy used to work now she just hands it over and says take for 2 minutes mummy!

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jojochanel · 09/02/2010 21:29

yep - my DS went through this - not face hitting but more leg hitting. He would deliberately attack me at points in an attempt to incite a reaction. I was just consistent on the 'you do not hit mummy' and naughty corner as a result. Sometimes he would hit me and then run off to the naughty corner immediately like he'd just done it so he could go there. Weird but also very wearing. Anyway he's though it now and at 3.5 he's super.

megcleary · 10/02/2010 21:21

Bit calmer today less rowing thanks for the advice: )

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vesela · 12/02/2010 10:01

When DD went through a hitting phase (at exactly that age) I used to make her sit on the sofa and think about it. It helped to reinforce that hitting was wrong. Then after a couple of minutes we'd go over what she'd done wrong.

I deliberately chose the sofa rather than a naughty step etc., since it's at the centre of things and a place where we read stories etc. - that way it's more about the break and the thinking rather than being consigned to a "naughty place."

Something got through, anyway - she's 2.11 and very rarely hits now.

vesela · 12/02/2010 10:03

now I'm losing the plot with her about putting in eye drops, though! And not wanting to take medicine is a difficult thing to discipline for.

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