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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please tell me what to do next - I just can't stand another meal time with my 2.5 DS

21 replies

Cosywinter · 09/02/2010 17:35

I have just had yet another battle with DS and I am now at my wits end, I feel sooooo annoyed that I jut don't know what to do. He just won't eat and I have had enough, so far today he had a bowl of rice crispies for breakfast and half a sandwich for lunch which I only managed to get him to eat a he ate in his pram while I was walking home, supper was nothing at all, I first made spaghetti which he wouldn't touch and then he said he really wanted a boiled egg so i made that which is obviously totally refused as well. So he has had nothing. Every lunch and supper is just a massive battle, I have tried cutting all snacks so he he is hungry but it doesn't make any difference, I've tried bascially everything and nothing is working. I've tried saying 'ok' and then just leaving that meal butI did that for about 4 days and he didn't eat anything really for those days. Please someone tell me what I can do as I really just can not face another meal time with him. It's such a shame as he is such a lovely little boy but when he hasn't eaten he's whingy and moans and just isn't as sweet. It got to the point where I was reading him stories and having the TV on while I tried to put some spoonfuls in...arghhhhhhh

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PiggyPenguin · 09/02/2010 17:43

I'm not much help but I didn't want to leave you hanging. My ds1 had an hyper-sensitive gag reflex and would vomit with every meal, we got through it by feeding him in front of the tv. If it works, its not the end of the world.

Hopefully someone more useful will come along now...

AvrilHeytch · 09/02/2010 17:49

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Pheebe · 09/02/2010 17:53

2 years old has been a difficult time for eating with both my boys. Personally I think they go through a phase where they just need less to eat at around this age. That or we become more sensitive to how much they're eating as its not really under our control any more.

The best advice I can give you is back off a bit and take the conflict out of it. If he senses you are desperate for him to eat, he probably won't. Also remember their tummies are still quite tiny so he'll likely get full quickly.

Try and think about what he eats over a week rather than on a daily basis.

Let him snack on healthy foods, fruit (fresh and dried), yoghurts, dried cereal etc.

Do you sit an eat with him? If not, try making a point of eating together.

Share a plate, ds2 loves this, we have big bowels of fruit salad that we share and we sit together somewhere that isn't the table (for us its the breakfast bar and he gets to sit on a 'big boy chair'.

Get him baking with you, biscuits, crispy cakes, making sandwiches himself (messy but great fun).

I would avoid asking him what he wants at this stage and don't offer lots of alternatives. Also perhaps just put one or two foods on his plate at a time.

hth

Pheebe · 09/02/2010 17:55

O just noticed you're still feeding him. I'd stop that completely. Let him take control. Also, maybe get him his own set of cutlery, a special plate and cup.

clayre · 09/02/2010 18:03

i wouldnt have the battle, i have just put the food in front of them, ignore them fussing, if they dont eat it then i just took the plate away when everyone was finished, also i wouldnt feed him, both my dc were able to feed themselves from about 10months.

threetimemummy · 09/02/2010 18:15

Also look at portion sizes. Big meals look too overwhelming. Try little bits of two or three foods that he can pick at. No pressure. a SMALL amount. Praise every. single. mouthful.

slowly you can then inrease the portion size and the variety. At this stage it is key to get him eating. Doesnt matter what it is or how much. One mouthful is enough as long as he is siting htere at mealtimes and eating.

how much snacking does he do between meals? How much milk does he drink as that may be filling him up.

eggontoast · 09/02/2010 18:17

We tell our son his muscles get bigger if he eats... and feel, oooh yes, bigger! etc. He is having a fussy phase, sometimes eats hardly anthing all day; I just make meal, put down, leave for a while, take away, throw away.

If he has eaten nothing for tea, I make sure he has a supper I know he will eat - ie. toast and grapes. Sultanas and banana etc.

Phases come and go. Food is not an issue. Some days he eats well, others not. DH pressed at first, thought I was being too soft, but now he sees the phases coming and going, he just goes with the flow with me, with a small amount of gentle encouragement.

MrsDinky · 09/02/2010 18:22

Oh, I feel for you, I have been there with my DS. He's 6 now, and so much better (although still fairly fussy) but I went through exactly the same thing. I haven't got many tips other than those listed above, but above all I would say don't lose your rag and scream, just walk away. I found it helped both of us sometimes to let him eat in front of the telly while I was away from the table instead of sitting over him. It will also get easier as he gets older and you can have proper conversations about food with him. Good luck!

Dominique07 · 09/02/2010 18:30

My DS does not eat well, he mostly eats dry cereal. Some weeks he eats apples, some weeks he eats a few grapes, some weeks he eats some biscuits or some bread. Today he is trying plain spaghetti and plain noodles!!! He doesn't tend to like 'slimy' foods i.e. spag in tomato sauce...
Its really easy to get really frustrated with them, especially as they grow taller and look like they might be losing weight but I think as long as they're still willing to eat what they like, one day they'll take a new food.

noeyedear · 09/02/2010 18:30

I totally sympathise- I've just gone into meltdown with my 2yo because he wouldn't eat his fish pie, which he usually loves and costs a fortune! He didn't have any lunch either, and had loads of cake because I had friends around and I didn't want him to create a scene. I don't know whether to give him a yoghurt before bed now, because he must be hungry but he loves yoghurt, and I don't want him to not eat his dinner and then get yoghurts as a reward. I feel bad because I went mad and left him in his chair screaming because he didn't want it and went into the other room because I was so

Missus84 · 09/02/2010 18:32

Children can actually do fine on very little - remember his tummy is tiny! Rice crispies, half a sandwich and some milk and snacks is fine, he won't starve.

If his weight is ok, he's healthy and eating something, then step back and don't make an issue of it. Once the pressure is off he'll probably eat better.

WingedVictory · 09/02/2010 18:42

My nearly-two DS is a dreadful eater, but I am trying to get to a baby clinic to ask the HV how many calories they actually need at this age.

I have noticed DS eats during growth spurts, and at other times, it's necessary to average over a couple of days.

We had a spell this summer when he didn't eat well for a couple of weeks, then fell ill and ate nothing. We made the mistake of trying to tempt him with ANYTHING, in order to get the calories into him, even Jaffa cakes! This backfired when his appetite returned, as he wanted to eat again, but only the treats, and it was a real trial getting him to eat something healthful.

As a result of that, I try to stick to healthful food and take the chance that he will not eat it.

Eating together helps. Retiring the pram and exercising him more has helped, too!

katiepotatie · 09/02/2010 18:46

My 2.8yr old is excactly the same, she sometimes eats next to nothing. I get really frustrated, and worried as she is only 2 lbs heavier than her baby brother (9 months)I keep hoping it's a phase and will be trying out some of the tips posted too. I'm sorry I have no advice really, but maybe knowing others are having the same probs will help you not be so worried. Hopefully it will pass and he'll be eating you out of house and home in no time

Original poster

Cosywinter · 09/02/2010 19:17

Thanks for your replies, I know he is totally capable of feeding himself but he just won't, so out of desperation I started feeding him again just to get him to eat and that has now stuck. I've tried tiny portions, eating with him, eating with him from the same place, making games about the food, ignoring the food and having bright chit chat about the day, tried using the TV and then tried using no TV as a threat - all of this has had no impact and he is still not eating. He is always been on the lean side so I think he really needs to eat. Keep the ideas coming though please

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 09/02/2010 19:26

does he go to nursey or any toddler groups? or have you friends with kids a similar age?

peer pressure seeing other kids eat will often succeed where all else has failed

Original poster

Cosywinter · 09/02/2010 19:31

He goes to nursery 2 mornings and he has heaps of friends his age but he isn't fussed at all about them eating quite happy to let them carry on eating while he doesn't!!

OP posts:

AuntieMaggie · 09/02/2010 19:35

My niece was like this until she started doing half days at a surestart centre where she would have a meal - gradually her eating has got better at home too.

katiepotatie · 09/02/2010 23:50

Did you see the new Jo Frost prog tonight? she said to sit for 30 mins at the table if not finished put to side in kitchen for another 30 mins if hungry can go back to dinner, no snacks or anything in between. Seemed to work for that family...they had been practically force feeding their child previously

ScreaminEagle · 10/02/2010 00:22

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Tortington · 10/02/2010 00:29

go to doctors and get him checked out medically

if there is nothing medically wrong food is power.

and at 2.5 he won't starve himself - the human body doesn't work like that - when he is hungry he will eat.

sounds like he is eating enough - oh wow all the attention mum must be giving him

ignore
ignore
ignore

if he doesn't eat - fuck it - he will soon enough

missorinoco · 10/02/2010 00:36

I feel your pain. Been there, and still am there on and off.

Here's my plan. I decided to give a meal, if ds tried it and didn't like it, he could have toast and spread (or if it was something I he clearly disliked having tried I might do a quick alternative, altho I didn't tell him that before). If he didn't try it, or if he decided he wsan't eating his favourite food because it was Tuesday type thing, he could have bread and butter.

Or get down. Meal in bin. Game over.

Subsequent whining is politely told why I don't want to hear him whine, and then if he keeps it up to BAFTA standards I tell him i'm not listening to him whining and I put him in the hall.

Overall this has improved things. I then found as he could eat I became this cheerleader during mealtimes with a constant stream of encouragement and praise, or negotiations.

So I decided to shut up. I give him the food, and nicely tell him I want him to try it. Currently he is a master at having a tiny bite at something to show me he's tried it, but I'm happy with small gains. (Mealtimes aren't in silence, I have a supply of inane chat to keep us going!)

The other thing I did, which was a tip from hear, wsa to dispense with puddings. Fruit or yoghurt to follow, in theory if he's eaten everything, but in reality if he's made a good effort.

We also eat together as a family whenever DH can get home on time.

Basically what ScreaminEagle says about backing off and taking the stress out etc, but a lot more waffly.

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