Toilet Training - Has any else's three year old gone backwards in training?

[virtualrealityfreak]

Hello,

I would much appreciate anyone's advice if they have any please?

I have a lively three year old little (three and two months) who was doing well with peeing on the toilet(no accidents) for about six weeks. Before that we spend a week at home and we did the training after she was interested in doing it etc.

Then all of a sudden she just started having accidents about three weeks ago. She is at nursery (Kita in Germany) and is fine with two out of her three teachers (no accidents) but with one she keeps on having accidents.

The problem is that every time she has this teacher for the last two days of every week at the weekend it is like we have to start the training again because she has an accident or two then before going back to normal again (no accidents).

It is really difficult as she has friends at this nursery and a know one other mum who's daughter is scared of this teacher too.

I an not too sure what to do as I don't want my daughter to have to leave the nursery she likes at this stage just because of one teacher?

This teacher by the way openly admits she does not change my daughter even though I have observed her changing others. She is team leader of my daughter's class which make it difficult.

Any advice appreciated as I don't want my little one to go backwards because of one person.

what do you mean she changes other Dc but not yours - is your Dc in nappies or not?

I'd be really worried if one particular staff member had such a bad effect on my DC, you need to talk to the nursery.

I read your thread title with relief as we started potty training DS from New Year and he was 3 at the end of Jan and he's got the idea fine, takes himself when at home, hasn't had an accident at nursery for a few weeks and we were looking at doing without nappies at night....until last week: Monday, wet himself at children's centre - don't often get there due to DD's naps so could just have been distracted by different toys? Friday, he'd pooed himself just before I picked him up from nursery, they were just taking him to get changed as I arrived. Sunday he wet himself at church minutes after insisting to DH that he didn't need a wee, then Monday he pooed his pants at home. So now I don't know where he's at!

I know that's not much use to you VRF but I also want to know if its normal for them to go backwards.

Your lucky my dd 2.11 is not even there yet, not ready at all! I would be having a talk with the teacher or nusery manager, it is just not on to leave a child in wet clothes and about this teachers behaviour.

Thank you all for that feedback. It is nice to know i'm not going mad ;)

I will answer you individually:

Shitemum:
No DD is not in nappies during the day. She pooed her pants about three weeks ago (she has not got the idea of poo in toilet thing yet and this is normal for her) and this teacher told me laughingly when I got there that she could not change my daughter. In fact another member of staff (one of my daughter's other two teachers who she is fine with) had had to do it. I thought maybe she just did not change nappies which was a big suprise to me as she is supposed to be a teacher! So when I have seen her changing other children once or twice I am thinking there is a problem here. Alarm bells started ringing. After talking to another mum at Kita she said that her daughter is scared of this teacher too. So there is a problem.

Yorky: I agree totally. I took DD to the doc yesterday and explained what the problem is at Kita. The doc is just checking out my DD urine etc just to make sure there is no underlying health problem first. I want to make absolutely sure that there is no doubt that there is nothing wrong with my daughter before confronting the kita person.

Yorky: I know what you mean. DD is like that she will say no I don't need a pee and then will need to go all of a sudden. I know they do get distracted by toys and things and this I understand from a little research on the internet is normal for this age for them to have accidents. A friend of mine said that her daughter (seven and three weeks) still has accidents now and again when she is excited. So it does take time apparently. It would be so much easier if offspring came with a 'how to handle manual' when they were born.

Apparently as I have just found out from one of my daughter's 'nice' teachers it is normal for them to go backwards for a bit sometimes! She is a grandmother as well as a teacher and is quite chilled about the whole thing! There was me thinking that DD needed a child Psychologist. That is not to say that I am not open to this as a way forward with getting info about how to help DD move forward with the pooing thing. We have reached stalemate there.

Yorky: I know what you mean about not knowing where they are at! I feel like I've got a swivel head sometimes. Not knowing which direction to go in!

pigletmania: My DD was not there either at 2.11. Absolutely no interest whatsoever and I was worried stiff. However just before she was three she showed some interest so I got a book read up about then we spent a week trying some toilet training. She got the hang of it after that for peeing. Don't worry they sort of tell you by watching you and hanging around the toilet when you are on it. They may even try and get on it. Then they are curious and maybe ready to try.

I intend to have a talk with the teacher once I have proof that there is nothing wrong with my daughter's urinary system. Otherwise they could use that as a excuse for not listening to me. So have to cover all other ground first before going in to talk with this teacher.

The nursery manager is not good. The problem is that it is an all German management (don't know what you know about the German system but standards in Berlin are not so great as UK), I have been fortunate in that this current kindergarten has two good members of staff that take care of my daughter (one English and one American). It is the German one that is the problem. She is standard for Berlin's East culture which is no standards, cold as ice and totally fancies themselves something rotten regardless of the reality (which believe me in her case is not great!). The German's from the West are fine and so are German's from other parts of Germany. It is a bit of a unique cultural divide here that can cause problems as I have experienced first hand. This is why I have to take a different approach to the way I would do it in the UK. I have to be very careful here how I handle things. Of course in the UK I would be straight in there and wanting to know why this was the way it is. Here they would take it as a personal affront if you say anything to them. They rule not you (that is the attitude of east berlin). Their children are brought up to rule the roost and are allowed to do whatever they like. So when you have someone like me (I am English born and bred by the way!) who believes in at least 'trying' my best to bring DD up with some sense of right and wrong (and it is difficult enough when you have lively one like mine) they cannot begin to understand 'why' you do the things you do! It does not even occur to them to know that they are wrong as they are so clearly right in their own eyes. So you see it is really quite difficult to find a way through this sometimes. At least if I get proof of DD being ok and they try and accuse me of anything then I have the ammo to fight back with.

Thank you lots for all of your support. It is actually really nice to hear some normal voices out there. It is real shame that we cannot just meet for a coffee and a danish. Sometimes I really miss that living in Berlin at the moment! The german's don't really have such a great sense of humour as far as i can tell! Hope to talk to you all again.

Thanks Virtual good luck with it all. I bought her some postman pat pants (dd loves Postman pat) and she seemed a little bit keen, i put her in training pants with postman pat ones on top for a few hours each day, will fully potty train in about May/june time when warmer and she is a little bit more ready. Gosh I really do feel for you it is very difficult to know what to do. We had a housemistress like that at school very cold and disciplinarian, thats the way they are like an old fashioned Frauline.

Thanks pigletmania. Good Luck to you too. Postman pat is a fav with mine too ; )
We are moving back to the uk in June so hopefully we will find things a bit more straight forward then. Until then I will just do my best. Yes, she is just like your housemistress. Children need a bit more warmth than that otherwise they don't respond.

virtual, thats good so you dont have that long to go