DS's whining has reached epic proportions

[rubyslippers]

DS is 3.6 years

i am curenlty on mat leave with DD (17 weeks)

everything is a negotiation/battle

If he deosn't get his own way then it is melt down

i know having DD has been a huge shock for him, but i seem to spend my entire day feeling frustrated with him as even getting dressed and out of the door is a minefield

I am careful to really praise his good behavior especially around DD and spend 1 - 1 time with him but it's not enough

He is a lovely boy but i feel i am missing something that could be making him happier and less whiny

i do try to go out at least once a day so we aren't stuck in and when DD is asleep i make sure we spend time together

any tips/advice would be appreciated

DD was very whiny and over the top for the first year of ds life and still is to an extent. But it is so so much better. I often put it down to "look at me I'm still here" behaviour. ALl the stuff you're doing can't do anything but help and at the end of the day it is a huge shock to the system which takes a long time for some children to adjust to. I found it easier when ds wasn't quite so helpless and also now he's into everything and needs taking away from stuff - at first I'm sure dd felt ds could do no wrong (which apart from being awake at the wrong times he pretty much couldn't!). Don't know if that helps but don't beat yourself up, I could have written pretty much what you did when ds was that age.

make it a joke.

"Whiny whiny whinnnnny!"

"Sorry, I can't understand you, that wasn't whiny enough. Whine a bit more, and see if I can understand you"

"WHINY WHINY WHHHHHIIIIIIINEEYYYYYYY!"

"Nope, try it again, this time with NO whining"

Hopefully, that will work

DS is the same age with no new baby to contend with so i'm trying to put it down to a phase.

He is getting better I just took a zero tollerance approach to the whining and fights over things that had to be done.

When he has a whine or moan I try to decide whther it is worth the fight, if it is over getting dressed and I have to get him dressed to get out I just do it while he shouts and screams at me at times, if i'm in no great hurry I just go ok then i'll go and do something else and walk away he has rarely failed to come after me shortly to get him dressed no he realises I will just go off and do something else.

I tell him when he is whining about something that I won't listen until he uses his nice voice and again after a while of me just walking away he will usually calm down and talk properly.
One thing I also do is if he is going off on one and I refuse to give into him when he does calm down and I ask him to ask me nicely when it is something I can give him/do for him I do it to try and encourage him how he is suposed to ask me.

All this was a huge shock for me as dd was never like this. I really thought I had gone massivly wrong somewhere but it does seem to be passing by just ignoring the bad stuff and heaping attetion on the good stuff.

thank you for your posts

lots to think about - i once threw a strop and it did shock DS into stopping his and we both laughed

he also still needs a nap sometimes - he had a massive melt down and 5 minutes later he was asleep ...

I found that also the biggest meltdowns always came before a sleep.
I think my ds is at that transition between toddler/next stage and is just trying to find his way through it.
I have copied his tantrums on occasion he looks at me like i'm bonkers.