What would you do? 3 year old has eaten nothing but bread for 18 months

[citybranch]

Hi
Since 18 months old my son had eaten nothing but bread and butter / peanut butter on toast, the occasional yoghurt/breadstick/cracker. Of course, he could eat chocolate or sweets all day long but rarely gets them.

No joke, I'm talking breakfast lunch and dinner will be exactly the same thing. He goes to nursery part time afternoons and eats nothing at all there.

I've spoken to the GP numerous times plus the health visitor, I've been to Ear nose and throat at the hospital in case it is his tonsils. Everyone just says do not worry, he will grow out of it.

I worry for him, although healthy and full of beans he is occasionally constipated and I have to give him vitamins. He doesn't know how to use cutlery as he has never really eaten a proper dinner.

When questioned he instits the dinner he has been derved is too hot, or just says he doesn't like it.

I'm getting really stressed about it, GP and HV totally disinterested. Would you pay for a dietician or would you sit it out?

Thanks!

aargh, spelling. 'Insists' and 'served'. Sorry

Does he drink juices or smoothies? I've kind of been in your position only not as extreme, and gave DD smoothies as a compromise. Apple/prune juice will help with the constipation, as will lots of water.

Sorry but I don't have much advice on the refusal to eat, anecdotally though, when I stopped getting stressed about it, DD suddenly started asking to try different kinds of foods.

My three are fussy eaters, although not perhaps to quite the same extent, and it is a source of real anxiety to me so I do sympathise.

My 3rd is the fussiest so far, he doesn't eat much except for bread/toast with various toppings. I have found he's more inclined to try things if he's really hungry, and he doesn't have much of an appetite. Just a biscuit will see him through the whole day, so I try to be strict about not snacking.

I try to keep offering, over and over, although it's so easy to lapse into just not bothering when you know it simply won't get eaten, isn't it? So-called experts do advise though that if you keep presenting the food eventually they will try it, and I'm ashamed of how many foods my older children don't recognise because I long ago gave up putting them on the table. Every so often I have to remind myself not to keep falling back on the stuff I know will get eaten. I try to just put a meal on the table along with the option of bread and butter if they don't like it, and make a monumental effort to appear blase about the whole thing. I do insist that the older ones at least try the food (they're 8 and 10), however small the amount.

In the short term, have you thought about making your own bread? You can sneak all sorts of good things in that way, although of course it won't help the longer term "fussiness".

Blimey, that must be my longest post ever!

NOot sure how a dietician would help - they would jsut tell you about a healthy diet, which presumably you know.

I would just sit it out. If he's healthy and happy and full of energy he's obviously getting what he needs from somewhere. I would make him sit that the table while the rest of the family's eating though, so that he gets all the other advantages of a meal if not the actual food!

Yes, I think arsesandoldlace makes a very good point there. My eldest is definitely more inclined to try things since I've appeared not to care.

If you make your own bread you can get quite a lot of fibre into it too without it seeming like brown bread, iyswim.

And cakes, I do a very plain chocolate cake with four or five (undetectable) pears in it. Whilst encouraging cake might not be such a good idea in the longer term it does take care of some of the more immediate nutritional concerns.

I did read once that, on average, an extremely fussy eater will have to be presented with a food about 20 times before he/she will try it.

Have to admit my fussy eater improved when I thought "fuck it, nothing works".

A dietician might be able to prescribe something that can be mixed in with the food he will eat or that he can have as a drink if he will drink. My ds has infant formula powder mixed in with his meals but his dietician says she will give him something else when he gets to 2.

I think ignoring is the best because it works at least a well as bribing/cajoling but is less stressful.

Will he eat cereal? You can make nice granola by blending dried apricots and maple syrup and mixing into porridge oats with ground nuts etc.

Yes, the "fuck it, nothing works" approach seems to bring success.

It's very hard when they're small though, isn't it? I'm so much more relaxed about the fussy 10yo than the 3yo. (The 10yo has suddenly expanded his repertoire though, and has even developed an interest in meat).

Don't despair citybranch. Oh, and no, I don't think I would pay for a dietician.

I would offer, say for dinner food that he is familiar with - toast and also on the same plate plain pasta. Make sure they don't touch because if he is phobic about food he will freak out.

Then pretend not to care. Do not comment if the food has/hasn't been eaten. Remove plate after 20 minutes. Remember, you might have expose him to food 20 times before he will taste.

Good luck. It is stressful.

A child psychologist would be more helpful than a dietician.

The "pretending not to care" business can turn out to be quite funny. DP and I have been known to do silent high-fives in the kitchen, along with all sorts of eyebrow twitching and silent communication at the table.

thanks for your replies!
Well, he doesn't eat cereals, and he only eats a certain supermarket own brand of bread. Won't touch anything fresh so I don't think he'd touch anything I baked! Good idea though!

Now I pretty much have gone with the 'fuck it nothing works' theory and it doesn't seem to have mde a difference... he is always given a little of what we have for dinner and he refuses so we do his bread and butter instead.

Once, about a year ago we went a mcdonalds and he had a bite of a fishfinger! DH and I were totally doing the silent high fives then! It never happened again. Apparently a few months ago, at nursery, he ate a piece of apple. They gave him a certificate for it but he has never touched it again, despite countless offers.

I'm glad you all agree. I listened to what my GP said but when I butter him the umpteenth slice of bread for his meal I just feel like such a bad mother, or something....

maybe a child psych is what he needs. He is also terrified of certain toilets. Seems to have anxiety that I just cannot explain.

Do you think it could be a sensory thing? It doesn't sound like he will eat anything crunchy or chewy and the toilet anxiety may have to do with the noise? An occupational therapist could help you find out if this is it and then work out a sensory diet that would gradually expose him to things.

Interesting about the sensory thing.

DS2, the super-ultra-fussy one, is now 3.7 and will not wee anywhere but in his pants. He is scared of potties, toilets, everything...

Have you heard of "deceptively delicious"? Normally I wouldnt suggest it, but in really fussy eaters it might be good? It bascally mkes really yummy stuff, like chocolate brownies for eg. out of things like avocado!! Trust me, I have tried them and some of the recipies you wouldnt guess at all and they are lush!! There are oads of books out there about hiding food in other foods, like ureeing veggies and putting it in pasta sauce, but DD does loads of sweet things and so might be better for your ds?

I normally wouldnt advise hiding food, bu this may work if you want to give him variety vitamins without the table, iykwim?

Sometimes, I think certain children have real 'medical' problems, that are undiagnosed. Perhaps, the 'illness' has not even been discovered or written about because no one has ever linked the cases.

I think I would try to get some therapy to attempt to look into the underlying issue, what ever that may be.

Don't beat yourself up; it is not your fault.

Gah!! Spelling!! sorry!!

I know you've probably tried this but havre you let him help prepare the food?
DS is fussy but not in your DS's league, he started eating only bread,. fruit, cereal, yoghurt and has gradually got better. Never eats vegetables though and it was only when i let him help wash a salad that he ate it (as i was chopping it, refused it with the meal).
Sure you'll have tried that but worth a mention i thought

Have tried letting him help prepare, he seems to enjoy himself but is adamant he won't eat it.

Deceptively delicious sounds interesting, but unless it looks familiar to him he still probably won't eat it. It's all worth a try though.

He really won't try anything! He's never eaten a crisp, or a chip or anything that his peers go mad for. Thanks for all the support by the way, it does make me feel better about things.

Don't stress out TOO much, lots of mums go through this. My DD was similar but ate about 10 foods until she was about 5 or 6... she still doesn't eat much more than that, but fortunately will nibble carrots and apples which are good for her. She has gone through periods of living on food supplements (like a chocolate flavoured milk stuff) from the hospital though to build her up.

I think that it becomes more of a problem if the child is highly sickly and feeble TBH.

Some children are thought to be "highly sensitive" and struggle with the sensory processing of certain things - food fussiness is one symptom as is fretting about labels on clothes/fabrics, noise, etc. I don't much about this but if you look up "highly sensitive child" you might find more information.

It would be worth asking for a referral for more investigations though I think.

Also agree with the approach of making him sit with you and be given the choice of a normal dinner with his bread on the side, and then pretending not to care.

Good luck.

[devil's advocate]

Why would he try anything new when he knows he'll get the bread and butter he wants anyway?

citybranch I'm sorry but I feel so much better. Ds (3) has fish fingers and mash every day and I feel like such a bad mother - now I know I'm not alone! He also has ryvita and peanut butter for breakfast and lunch
I know he loves anything covered in chocolate but not what everyone else calls a healthy balanced diet i.e. eating out is so embarising I feel like I'm in a gold fish bowl. People are so quick to criticise and mutter their opinions. Dd (6) is just as bad so I've been thru it for a while but she is getting abit better. she now eats a choice of 2 main meals!

My son was and is like this.
He started at about 20 months( he had previously eaten lots of things like his older brother) and a year he would only eat 6 things - bread, dry cereal, pasta and cheese, fromage frais, biscuits and chicken nuggets. He would also drink milk and balckcurrent squash. That was literally it. And if I didn't offer these he stopped eating until he fainted at nursery.

His was two thing. Gluten and dairy intolerance and sensory issue connected with his autism.

Eventually I had to remove gluten and dairy from his diet which was staggeringly scarey when you look at what he would eat.
But it worked and he started to accept new foods.
He is 13 now and still quite restricted but he eats gfcf versions of all the stuff he used to eat plus carrots, fine beans, peas sweetcorn, apples, grapes and potatos ( chips and mash ) as well as chicken, tuna and various other meats.

When you have a child like this it is very difficult to eaplain to people as theythink that strategies that work with 'picky' children will work. But i honestly tried everything and it was only when I denied him the foods he had becaome obsessive about that his diet explanded

My DD was like this from about 15 months to 2.5 yrs all she ate was rice crispies and chips. The HV told me to offer her other food and if she wouldn't eat it not to give her anything else, she wouldn't starve herself, etc.

Well she did starve herself and the weight dropped off. The GP referred us to a dietician who said if she wanted chips at every meal to give her chips. That she would grow out of it. She said it was important not to make food/meals into a battle or you run the risk of eating disorders in real life.

So for the next year or two I cooked her chips every meal, I think she'd eat bread and butter as well and she definetly drank milk. A few times a week I'd just casually ask do you want to try xyz off mummy's plate as well. Always was a "no". Then she started having the odd nibble of other things.

Good luck, I'm sure he will outgrow it.