DD Dilemma

[PippaR]

Hi all

My dd has attends dance classes on a Weds after school, she is quite a timid 5yr old but loves to go. They are now planning to put on a show in a couple of months at a large local venue and she says she doesn't want to do it (and got quite upset) even though they've been practising for a good few weeks. There are quite a few rehearsals she'll have to go to and the show is being put on over a few nights so she'll have to do it more than once. Tbh I think its a bit much for her in such a big venue but feel gutted at letting the teacher down as she would have to alter the routines slightly (I did try and mention my concerns to her and got glared at!). At the same time I don't believe in forcing her through a load of stress. Would you pull her out of it now rather than wait and see, it could end in tears and she won't go on and I'd hate that for her!

Why exactly, does she not want to do it?

Have a chat with the teacher asap - am sure she has experienced this in the past, and may be able to reassure your dd.

I wouldn't pull her out but I would tell her that she doesn't have to do it on the night if she doesn't want to.

My DS can be like this about big performances, so I just let him know there is no pressure on him and to decide at the time.

It's not really letting the teacher down if you tell her from the start

thanks for your replies. She doesn't want to do it as she is just really frightened of being on a big stage, I also think its fear of the unknown. I've tried to explain it all to her and how things will run and she still says no. Tbh when we started the classes we didn't know this was involved and it didn't appear to be optional.

I don't want to say if you don't want to go on the night you don't have to as thats going to leave the whole routine in the lurch and I don't want to mess her teacher around. I did try and mention to the teacher that my daughter had doubts and she just glared and didn't really offer any support. Am trying to be fair on all sides and thought if I pull her out now she won't have to worry and we could try other places that you aren't expected to compete/put on shows - as she finds it nerve wracking.

Does she have any friends who take the class/will also be doing the performance? Maybe their presence will reassure her.

Do you know anyone who has done the performance in the past? Maybe they can speak to you/dd about the experience.

Maybe someone who has done the performance before can be a 'pal' for dd to make her feel more confident.

Has your dd ever seen the 'big' stage where the performance will be? If not, can you take her so the space will be familiar and perhaps not so intimidating?

Will there be rehearsals in that space prior to the actual performance?

Would it work to offer her a special 'reward' for doing the performance? Would it help her overcome her fear/reluctance if she knew she was going to have/do something special after?

It sounds as if you are quite shy if the teacher 'glared' at you and you backed right off. Tell the teacher you need to speak to her, and ask when it would be convenient. Don't be intimidated. If this teacher is experienced, she will have encountered stage fright/reluctance in the past, and should be able to help your dd.

I have tried a lot of your suggestions and they too have failed!! She wasn't swayed with seeing the place (in fact as its a large theatre it made her worse) and she does have a friend there but she still was too anxious.

As for myself I'm not shy I just didn't get chance to finish talking to the teacher as we were interrupted.
I would rather make a decision now rather than discuss it with the teacher, as she may just try and push my daughter as its a hassle for her if she has to change the routine. She seemed v.unsympathetic and has v.confident kids herself so there may be a lack of understanding.

Hi

Only you know your DD well enough to know whether it's worth pushing her a bit for long term gain or whether it would prove so stressful for her that it would put her off dancing completely.

My DS is a confident child and will talk to anyone but going up on stage scares the hell out of him - we discovered it when he won an award and had to go on stage to get a certificate. He told me it was awful, his heart felt funny and when he saw all the faces he didn't know he thought he would be sick and wanted to cry!

I have pushed hima bit since then - he did the school play but we asked the teacher for a non speaking part so he just had to stand and sing. He did it and was pleased with himself. Since then he has said a line in the class assembly but I don't think he will ever want a leading role and that's fine. I'm just proud he tries.

If you daughter is that stressed I'd be tempted to can it for now and take her to watch the show instead - a bad bout of stage fright at this age could put her off performing anything for life, but you know her best so go with your instinct.

SG

I pulled my DD from her show last year . At the rehearsal she went into meltdown and was so distressed I thought there was no way I would put her through that.
Her teacher was lovely but very surprised that DD was upset as she loves her classes so much. Teacher even said that of all the class DD was the last one she would have thought would react like that.
However as previous posters have said you do know your own child, I had fully expected DD to pull out of the show. Dh and I only paid for her place in it to give her the option of taking part ( we did hope for a surprise and she would perform !)
I know she loves the classes (closed private room !) but on public display - no way - never ! Not for her .
Ps we did not pay for this years show.. she told the teacher "I will come along and watch the other children from my seat !!"

TBH if I were you I would withdraw her now if she is so upset .