Wow too much to respond to here...
Louise I really feel for you. I panicked when it became apparent my dd just has a very tiny appetite. It was easy for me to solve though, I just had to stop worrying and chill out and not bug her about it, just let her eat however much she wanted to eat without commenting, learn what she particularly liked, etc, and her appetite has grown over the months... (She's 23 months old). So i can't IMAGINE how I'd've coped if she was like your ds...
Hercules - I am a single mum so I HAVE to respond to your comment about disruptive kids coming from homes where dad isn't present. It implies that mum is incapable of disciplining effectively. I give my dd a lot of love but also a lot of consistent discipline etc and I don't think she has suffered from not having a father. (He lives on the other side of the world). Also, a lot of two parent families surely consist of "ineffective" fathers? Perhaps what you witness re broken homes is down to the rowing that goes on between the parents and the inconsistency the children experience between the parents, iykwim. but this doesn't mean it's less likely to happen in two parent families. In fact now i come to think of it it is probably easier to discipline effectively if it is just you bringing up your child.... liked your point edam re ww1, ww2 etc
My initial thought about why kids are more disruptive, rude etc these days (i too am sceptical that they are) was fear. Not respect lynnej. my mum only ever smacked us once and we were so shocked at the time but it didn't work and we certainly didn't respect her for it, Teaching kids to respect their adults is a dangerous thing i think, when so many adults are unworthy of respect.
Louise - yes stop going to your mum for advice! I get on well with my mum and she is very supportive and on the whole non-judgmental but it did my head in when we clashed about something. There are so many emotional ties/issues etc that mum is the wrong person to go to for advice about mothering!!