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Behaviour/development

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Feel like my heart is snapping in two...

3 replies

TheMags · 04/02/2010 15:55

DS1 started reception in September and has not coped very well with it at all. We have had lots of problems with hurting other children and generally being too boisterous for the teacher to handle. We are curently getting together a plan to try and manage his behaviour but I think the school are trying to work towards an ASD (not sure myself but will arrange a referral for development check).

Anyway during a meeting yesterday I was told by the teacher he doesnt have any particular friends, Apparently he wants to be friends with 2 other boys and is always trying to break into their circle but ends up just playing alongside them. I knew they were close friends but I had assumed they included him as until yesterday no one had told me otherwise. Now I feel awful to think thats hes friendless and I dont know what to do to help him....

To top it all hes just come out of school now and the 2 boys were setting off on a play date together. DS1 overheard and got really upset saying he wanted to go too - I practically had to drag him out of the playground to stop him running after them. One of the boys mums did see and say dont worry we will have him round another time but in all honesty I'm not entirely convinced either of the boys really wants to play with DS1.

I just feel so down with all of this and just dont know where to go from here.... I basically feel like I'm left with a child nobody likes because hes too aggressive but he's probably getting more angry and problematic because hes being excluded and has no particular friends so I'm in a no win situation. On top of all that I've now got a school thats labelled him before a diagnosis. How did I go from having a happy 4 year old boy to one thats having to deal with all of this....

OP posts:
NikkiH · 04/02/2010 16:15

Could you invite one of the two boys to yours for a play date and supervise their play so that you show your son how to interact nicely with the other child. The other boy may then see that your son can play well with him and maybe more inclined to include him at school.

If all goes well with the first boy you could maybe invite the other boy on another occasion. I don't think I'd invite the two boys to yours together in case they just played together and left DS1 out.

It's not easy when you think your child doesn't have friends and making friends can be a minefield for some children. I really feel for you all.

TheMags · 04/02/2010 17:03

Have cooled down a bit now. I will try and invite one of boys over soon (if he wants to come) and see how that goes.

I did manage to arrange another play date with another boy who is having similar problems making friends during the half term so we will see how that goes. The only problem is that this boy is also deemed to be a "naughty boy" so it could be interesting!

OP posts:
backtolingle · 04/02/2010 19:07

TheMags,

Luckily, at 4, a visiting child will not notice if it's really you rather than your son who's displaying the good social skills.
You therfore have an opportunity to become a "cool" parent for a while. When you invite the boy-who-already-has-a-friend round, make sure he is shown a good time.
We're talking not just finding out what his favourite food is, serving it and following it with ice-cream, but also initiating ice-cream-on-my-nose-games and playing them for as long as it takes, whilst simultaneously mollifying and whisking away your lad if he starts to get upset.

I'm practically a professional clown nowadays......

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