issue aftwr issue with 4 monht old ds after a promising early few weeks, feel fed up and at wits end

[minxofmancunia]

Ds is a lovely contented happy little boy most of the time and is absolutely gorgeous but re feeding and sleeping things are getting worse and worse.

Had to stop ebf due to (my) health issues and bottle feeding has become a nightmare. Today i managed to get 7 oz down him in 12 hours everytime thrashing about and screaming. V embarrassing because one time it was at baby music. 3 weeks he's been fighting+++ with the bottle. I still give him a bf in the morning but tbh there's not much there now to give him .

He's good for naps in the day but evenings are becoming hellish, screaming and yelling as soon as you put him down after a lovely bath and bedtime routine. He then wakes up for ? reason throughout the eve despite having a full belly and is unsoothable. Dh is trying to calm him now he's absolutely hysterical. The rest of the time he goes down for naps without a murmur.

Went to see the health visitor today who was as much use as a chocolate f**king fireguard, can someone remind me please how these people get their MASTERS degrees??? Then he's basically up through the night wanting milk cos he's had nothing all day.

To say it's doing my head in would be an understatement. At wits end with screaming hysterical nights and evenings. Bottle feeding seems to have f**ked evrything up but then when bf he fed day and night hourly for 3 weeks from New Years Day onwards and i got psychosis through lack of sleep. HV told me "just a phase". It's not he's been doing this for 6 weeks has reversed day for night and it's bloody horrible!!

Can anyone shed light or help please? Am desperate

just to add he was the epitome of "easy baby" up until Jan 1st waking up once maybe twice a night or sleeping through on ocassion. Hardly cried v content.

Have dd 3.5 who was v hard work in the day but went down well at night so totally clueless as to what to do. 6 weeks this has been going on...please someone tell me what to do?

Call a breastfeeding counsellor.

It's free and if you are still breastfeeding at all, it is relevant. You can say that your main desire is to settle the baby, not necessarily to re-establish exclusive bf. The following organisations have bf counsellors so you can google to find the relevant telephone numbers:

NCT
Breastfeeding Network
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers

Remember the counsellor is a volunteer and may have commitments of her own which prevent her dropping everything and beating a path to your door, but she will be very well qualified in breastfeeding information and counselling, and will be interested in helping you, with no vested interests.

I wouldn't try and re start breastfeeding, especially with the problems you had after new year. If it was me I'd completely stop breastfeeding as he can probably still smell the breast milk on you when you're trying to bottle feed. Its also worth trying different formula and/or bottles to see if that makes a difference.

If you can then go out for the day over the weekend and let your partner do the feeding.

I'd ask for a paed referral from your gp if things don't get better within a couple of weeks.

Best of luck, I'm sure things will improve soon x

no advice minx, sorry, just sympathy
think their sleep does go a bit haywire at 4/5 months (DD is up every hour or 2 at night atm) but yours sounds particularly unbearable ;(

I think baby is confused as can smell breast milk on you and can't understand why he is having a bottle. Maybe stop the breast feeds completely and have someone else give him a bottle or try and reestablish breast feeding if that is what you want.

Thanks for all the nessages, things are a bit better.

Don't think he's colicky if he is then it's v late onset as this didn't start until after 3 months not upto. Am using tommy tippee bottles with medium flow teats. Dh feeds him regularly with more success than me but still a bit of a fight. Just difficult during the day when dh is at work as he's so reluctant to take bottles from me.

I think fab you're right prob expecting bm then getting a bottle poor ds . I just hate seeing my lovely gorgeous baby so upset and the bf in the morning is the only time he seems content when being fed. But will give it up if it will mean more consistency for him .

Only up once last night and dh managed to settle him on just a few ounces so he's eaten more today during the day, about 15oz from bottles and a breast feed. Also at baby clinic had him weighed he's continuing along the 75th centile.

Is there a reason why trying to go back to full breast feeds isn't an option? A yes/no will do if I am prying.

I hope you manage to work things out for all of your benefits.

I was going to say that Fab. If you feel you can't/don't want to, but maybe speaking to a BF counciller may help? I don't want to sound all you must do this etc etc as don't mean it like that at all. In early days with DS I thought I was going to be commited 9not to BF, I mean literally commited to an institution) but I did manage to get past it fortunately, it can be so bloody hard.

I also don't want to say anything that may make you feel guilty as I am sure you are giving yourself a hard enough time as it is!! Hope you are both ok

going back to full bf I'm just not sure, I know it sounds selfish but i just can't cope with the trapped feeling, it literally sends me crazy. Also both my children have fed and fed and fed, no breaks at all even after quite a few weeks, although tbh until 3 months ds wasn't too bad, it just went mental after new year.

Also my own sleep diffs (regardless of being woken up by dcs) are so bad now anything that sends me out of sync makes me manic. Not in a descriptive sense in a clinical sense, e.g. racing thoughts, paranoia, hallucinations as once I'm in a cycle of very little sleep I can't get any rest at all as I'm too hyped up to fall asleep. Then have to have sleeping tablets to break the cycle. Therefore being repeatedly woken up to bf (bearing in mind it takes me at least 1+ hours to fall asleep regardless of how tired I am) just means not broken or interrupted sleep, it means no sleep and symptoms of hypomania.

I'm not being dramatic, just how it is, this insomnia is wrecking my life . And i can't even think calmly about things as long term (talking months/years here) sleep deprivation has affected my cognitive functioning quite severely. I have no short term memory, have to read most things twice, struggle to follow simple instructions and am generally hopelessly chaotic. I used to be really clever .

Sorry i know it sounds like I'm obsessed with sleep and i am! It was ok for first couple of months after birth because hormones took over and i drifted off easily between feeds. Even if i could get 6 hours in fragmented bits it would be better than nothing at all!

I totally get the trapped feeling as I fed mine until they were 6, 7 and 9 months but I also loved how much it got me out of doing other things as I was feeding,.

Believe me, everyone is obsessed with sleep when they have a baby, nothing wrong with that.

Would it be an option to try and sort out your insomnia if you really would like to bf again?

I think you need to have a think about what you would really like to do, if there were no problems, and then try and work out if the problems are fixable. If not, then at least you tried and you can move on without any feelings of guilt. Mums feel guilty too much as it is without adding to it when you don't need too.

Silent reflux? My DD really struggled with feeding - going down to a few oz milk a day and screaming etc until silent reflux was diagnosed by doctor and Infant Gavison prescibed. Honestly, within a few days she was a transformed baby.

thanks for your avice fab it's helping think more clearly, you're so right I just need to try to untangle everything.

Haven't read all of the posts becuase I am at work and therefore supposed to be working. I had a similar-sounding situation with DS and the (only) useful advice from HV was to switch formula. We tried Gaviscon to no effect but finally reckoned that Aptamil has probiotics which babies don't need becuase their digestive systems haven't been ruined yet. Gave him SMA gold and never looked back. The giant burps and farts on Aptamil should have been a clue. I had postnatal depression so was even less able to cope than most and look back on that period as a pit of despair so can understand a bit of how you feel.
p.s. I hope MN can shelter me from any legal action by the makers of Aptamil

Just a thought - have you tried the bf at bed time not morning? He might still associate the bf as a "bedtime" cuddle? I think you said he's more "sleepy" in the morning after the BF?