Please help - I wonder if my 5yo DD's behaviour is normal and maybe I am overreacting

[doggiesayswoof]

DD is 5 and in P1 (there's no reception in Scotland, so she started school last August)

She loves school and is v bright but her behaviour is getting worse and worse

She is insolent, negative, ignores DH and me, tells lies automatically (we can't trust anything she says any more)

She loses dinner money, loses almost everything in fact. She got a DS for christmas and we realised that she has been smuggling it into school (she'd been told explicitly not to take it)

On Friday she lost a purse with charity money and lunch money, and had to pay for Friday's lunch today. She forgot to pay. (School lunch is an occasional treat and I don't think she'll be having it again - too much hassle with losing the money)

Her head is in the clouds and she just doesn't make an effort to do anything that doesn't interest her.

I am feeling quite upset about this - I can't imagine how she will be when she's 14 if she is like this now. DH and I are shut out, she never confides in us any more.

She is so distant I can't get through to her and I end up losing my temper, so she's pushed even further away.

hmm, i think maybe you're expecting a little too much of her at 5.

the behaviour things sound par for the course for a 5 year old. mine is also going through the lying stage, and can be pretty vile a lot of the time.

I think expecting a 5 year old to take money and pay for lunch is quite, um, brave? i dunno, i am not sure ds1 could do it without losing/forgetting it

Okay

5 is far to young to be entrusted with things like lunch money so you need to be taking the money in; likewise charidee money

wrt the DS - you'll have to put it up so that it's out of sight and out of mind on school days; perhaps only have it on weekends??

5 year olds still have the most marvellous flights of imagination and quite frankly BELIEVE that they flew to the moon/rode a tiger/invited Miss for tea

If she ignores you then you need to address it - analyse your requests: are you issuing multiple instructions, allowing reasonable time for her to process a reply??

I agree the lying thing is a totally normal phase. I can actually remember doing it myself and I also remember how horrified my mother was when I was caught out.

My dd has just turned five,she doesn't lie particularly,but she is often hard to talk to as she doesn't pay a lot of attention,especially after school ( and she is only doing mornings).She gets tired and zones out somewhat.I agree with other posters,to keep any requests as simple as possible and as clear as you can.She is very young and the change to a school enviroment is huge for them.

The way you describe her its like she is 14 already not 5. Yes you are expecting too much. She never 'confides' (odd choice of words, do you means he doesn't talk as much ) in you probably because she feels she is not good enough. I Think BALD's advice good

Yes I think she is feeling as though she isn't good enough

But I can't see how we get out of this vicious circle, that's the problem

DH and I are always going on and on, I'm sick of the sound of my own bloody voice

It's only basic things I'm asking her to do, get dressed/undressed, eat her tea etc. We are heartily sick of repeating ourselves

I do think she is too small to be responsible with money, but she goes to school by bus so we can't hand it in for her.

Cyb by 'confides' I mean she just doesn't really tell us stuff.

Thanks for all replies will post more later.

Reverse psychology - the more she acts up, the more love she needs. Lots of love & understanding, lots of praise for the things she does do right, however small.
Sorry if i sound like i'm preaching, I'm trying to adopt this philosophy with my own 5yr old who seems to be going through a similar phase.
If it's any consolation my neice was a horror when small but at 14 she is the most wonderfully behaved girl who makes her mother proud.

I tihnk she sounds like quite a normal 5yr old actually, try not to worry bout it and lower your xpectations.

Make a list and put it somewhere obvious.

I used to get so at DS when I was repeating myself every blardy day saying the same things.

Our list reads:

Brush teeth
Get dressed
Put on shoes
Get school bag & lunch bag
Get in car

(I still cannot believe it's that hard to remember... )

I can totally empathise with the negativity as
I get incredibly frustrated with my 5 yr old's negativity as well. He will NOT do anything he doesn't want to do or doesn't interest him. I think it holds him back developmentally tbh.

I also wonder what it will be like when he's 15 as he is sooo insolent and argumentative already. He has an answer for everything! He also tells barefaced lies at times.

I do love him to bits but he drives me utterly insane most days too....

I like the idea of the list PiratePrincess but as ds can't be bothered to learn to read I'm not sure it will work at the moment!

Minty - do it with pictures ! Same effect, just like a flow chart to get from home to school without having to resort to fish-wife mode for mum...