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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dressing DD is turning into a daily nightmare!! HELP!!

25 replies

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 13:51

my DD turned 4 at the beginning of january and before that we had some minor sporadic issues with her getting dressed in the morning. she had the usual temper tantrums, changing her mind about what shoes she would put on etc. but it really wasnt that bad and i felt ok about our morning routine.

for the past week she has started acting up. she kicks screams spits and generally behaves in a terrible way at the mere suggestion of getting dressed before nursery. she is late going in because of her behaviour and i am out of ideas
DH is on jobseekers at the mo after being laid off on new years eve and has now had his eyes opened WIDE to her behaviour (although recently it is worse than ever!)as he had always said basically 'how bad can she be?? she is a small child' i work full time and it is quite hard money wise now and i am struggling to keep my temper i am exhausted (she wakes 2-3 times a night and wont settle for DH-though he rarely wakes up to her crying anyway) stressed out at work and having to deal with the awful mornings now aswell

i have tried sticker charts, naughty step, taking away her favourite things and nothing is working as she gets frustrated and screams and shouts!!

has anyone got any pearls of wisdom to share before i crack up?? please??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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laundrylover · 01/02/2010 14:08

Just send her in nusery in her pyjamas. It's not worth getting stressed about and they will have seen it all before I assure you.

Bet she'd get dressed the next day....

BTW do you let her help pick out her clothes the night before and lay them out ready? Might ease mornings if she has 'agreed' what to wear the night before?

Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 14:19

thanks laundrylover she takes her PJs off during the night and refuses to put them back on otherwise i would happily do that im pretty sure she would be turned away from nursery if she was wearing her knickers and nowt else

we have tried picking out her clothes the night before and she changes her mind the next day i suppose we could give that another crack and see if it helps any

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Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 14:38

BUMP!!

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laundrylover · 01/02/2010 14:53

When my sister was a nanny she once took the youngest child to school in knickers (in the car!)....she never kicked up a fuss again.

I think making a big deal out of her clothes at bedtime is worth a try...my DD2 likes to wear uniform even though she doesn't have to...likes to be like big sis!

NorbertDentressangle · 01/02/2010 14:58

Give her a specific choice in the mornings to avoid the changing her mind problem.

eg. "do you want to wear the purple trousers or the red leggings?" "Do you want to wear the pink hoodie or the blue jumper?" etc

Just make sure that shes not overwhelmed by too many options and that whatever she chooses is OK by you/suitable for whatever shes doing that day.

imaginewittynamehere · 01/02/2010 15:13

DD1 was driving m mad changing her mind about what to wear. Now either she picks one outfit or I do - she gets the choice & it varies. Whichever scenario if she refuses to wear it it goes in the bin (well in a bag to be brought out a month later but as far as she is concerned in the bin) I don't make a fuss, bin it & insist that she immediately chose & puts on an alternative. I have found that whilst drastic this works well.

Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 15:14

thanks again LL and thanks norbert

i do try and give her a choice but it might be that she doesnt like my choices possibly! i give her a choice of trousers or skirt and tights usually but her tights are now mostly too small for her so she is running low and with the lack of money, things are getting silly she HATES wearing jeans but will insist on putting them on only to complain about how uncomfortable she is when i give her a choice she chooses a princess dress-up outfit

i really appreciate your replies and i will definitely try your suggestions out and see what works for us

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Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 15:22

sorry x-poster with insertwitty

that sounds as if it might work with DD as she responds quite well to the suggestion that we will throw toys in the bin if she doesnt pick them up (usually used following a toy throwing tantrum incident)

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Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 15:24

or rather x-posted with IMAGINEwitty

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stretchedtothelimit · 01/02/2010 15:29

we had this with ds for a while when he was about 4, dh turned it into a game to see who could be ready 1st, I would just lose my patience with him it did work and he was always the winner

Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 15:41

stretched that might work i havent tried that tactic...maybe see how she is tomorrow morning and we will try it out

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stretchedtothelimit · 01/02/2010 15:43

hope it works for you, fingers crossed

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/02/2010 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Devendra · 01/02/2010 15:52

I would take her to nursey in he knickers,,just take her clothes ina bag. I bet she will start getting dressed the next day!!

Acinonyx · 01/02/2010 16:25

Does she have a favourite TV program or DVD? When dd was a preschooler, I dressed her to her favourtie show and it went off if she didn't cooperate. Not my greatest ever parenting solution - but it worked.

Also - now dd is at school we don't need to do that any more - it just stopped naturally as school started. We no longer have any TV in the morning - so we weren't stuck with this routine indefinitley.

Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 16:25

we were perrilously close to doing that this morning devendra but its so cold and i felt guilty for considering it maybe it would work but she would happily play about in her pants all day if i let her...i suspect she would happily got to nursery in them too

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laundrylover · 01/02/2010 17:11

Aha, my nearly 4 yr old hates trousers too so I don't make her wear them...look out for tights/leggings at the supermarket. They are pretty cheap. Leggings last longer than tights and she can wear a skirt over. She even goes hiking in leggings/skirt and boots.

Try charity shops for really cheap skirts with a 'princessy' feel. Indulge her a bit as I bet they'll be stuck in jeans and a T shirt in a few years time and we'll be posting saying 'how do I get my teenager to wear a skirt/dress//!'...

Devendra · 01/02/2010 17:13

Well its maybe worth a try?? Just be all calm and matter of fact.. dont lose it and I bet she will feel quite uncomfortable in her knickers outside and will ask for clothes.. worth a shot maybe..

EndangeredSpecies · 01/02/2010 20:56

the pyjamas/knickers thing in the car does work, I tried it on DS also 4 the other week. Basically made him sit in the car outside the school getting dressed while all his friends were walking past and laughing. Won't say he's cured completely but he thinks twice about playing up when I ask "do you want to go to school in your pyjamas?".

Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 21:11

i told DH about it via email earlier (im at work) and he thinks the knockers in the car thing is a smashing idea so that will be used tomorrow if DD plays up
i have a brand new fresh and ready to be stickered sticker chart and some dora stickers for DD as we had stopped the sticker charts a while back as they didnt seem to help (potty training time though) but we are taking a united front against the bad behaviour (DH and I) and the strategies mentioned here will be put to good use

thank you all so much MN is a wonderful place

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Original poster

PandaEis · 01/02/2010 21:12

well that should say KNICKERS not knockers but im sure if i suggested that one DH would be on board with that idea too

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domesticslattern · 01/02/2010 21:56

My tips from having this with a younger child are:

choose the clothes together the night before, allowing some strange combinations (within reason) if that's what she wants. (There may be good reasons why she doesn't want to wear things eg. DD loathes tights but it is only recently that she has managed to explain to us that the patterned ones are all bumpy on the inside so they feel horrid.)

at the same time, choose your clothes with her, explaining how you choose what you will wear the next day

get up a wee bit earlier so you are in less of a rush, and have some time for 1 on 1 playing/ hugs/ read a book (just 10 mins) before you embark on getting dressed.

then get dressed together:
mummy puts on her top
can DD put on her top?

can you help mummy with her trousers?
now your trousers DD

who can put their socks on faster, DD or mummy? (you get the picture)

Unlike shiney I just can't force DD into clothes against her will: it would take two of us and DH is normally out in the morning. But these techniques have really helped us. HTH.

Original poster

PandaEis · 02/02/2010 11:13

update this morning was a very good one we got up earlier than usual, I showed DD her new sticker chart, we got her outfit chosen, breakfast eaten nicely. we then got DD dressed with very little fuss she let us brush her hair and put shoes on and got another sticker. She then brushed her teeth and put her coat on without running off and got into school early!! I am amazed and feeling very positive now

thankyou everyone for your tips you lot are fab!

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taffetacat · 02/02/2010 11:23

domestic slattern - I really like your idea of geeting dressed together. My DS has never been a prob so have been quite shocked by DDs clothes issues!

Think this techique def worth a try.

mawbroon · 02/02/2010 11:23

DS is like this. I was able to cope with it ok using time out (and starting to get him dressed ages and ages before we had to leave), but I broke my ankle a few weeks ago and am heavily pg so it now has to be done entirely by gaining his co-operation because I can't manhandle him. Manhandling him never really worked anyway, because as soon as I got the clothes on him, he just took them off again....

We also have a bit of a carry on at bedtime about getting clothes off and jammies on, so several nights a week he just sleeps in his clothes which is only shorts and a t shirt anyway, because he won't wear trousers, even in the snow! So, the fact that he is already half dressed in the morning is helping us.

I think he will be in for a shock once my ankle is healed and I'm back in business!!!

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