Terrible three's...?

[Holly02]

My ds is just 3, and in the last few months his persistence and assertiveness have really started to come out. My parents had him overnight last night (first time in a few months) and my mum commented to me that he was 'naughtier' than he used to be - not really bad, but just more disobedient and determined to get his own way. If they told him off for anything, it was like water off a duck's back. She is thinking that they will have to resort to giving him time-outs, as they don't know how else to handle it. He also used to be the quiet little child that always had his toys taken away from him by other children, and now I've noticed that he's starting to take other kids' toys away from them, and I've started to reprimand him for doing it.

Does this sound pretty normal or is my ds turning into one of those horrible little children??!! () He is VERY persistent, if he wants to do something and I say "No", he will complain and then keep coming back to ask me for the same thing several times. It's all very tiring and I think my parents were a bit taken aback by the change in him. Hope this is all just part of his age/stage.

Holly02, it sounds normal to me. They're just asserting their independence and yep, it's tiring all right. I know it's been said before but do choose your battles carefully and only bother having them about crucial issues, like holding hands while crossing roads etc. It's really, really not worth it for the small things so if he wants to do something and it's not dangerous and there's no good reason why not, let him. Hey, I bet your mum has forgotten what they're like at that age - biddable isn't the word I'd have used to describe my ds at 3!

No, he's not turning into one of those horrible children, I think it's normal to try taking toys from other children - he's trying all sorts of things out to see what happens and yes, you should tell him not to. On the general saying No thing, if the thing he wants is absolutely not negotiable, i.e. chocolate for breakfast, lunch and tea then just keep saying no and he'll get the message I think. Just think about why you're saying no in the first place and use this wisely too though. You can't blame him for trying and being persistent but it's worth him understanding that No means No I think - if you're sure it's a No in the first place then don't back down since otherwise he'll know that a certain amount of nagging pays off and reverses your decision but like I said, make sure you're sure No is the right answer to begin with. It does sound normal and your parents have just forgotten. I like Toddler Taming for reminding me what's normal and what's not. Time out is good imo for major offences but don't argue over the smaller ones would be my view. Good luck.

you need to tell him you are not listening and refuse to discuss it/justify your opinion..

Have you a sanction you use? Naughty step etc?

Wow WWW you sound just like my HV( she's lovely by the way so that's a good thing) as she told me exactly the same when my DS1 was going through the same awkward stage. He's 4 now and and I/we can get him to listen to the word 'No' when we need him too and at the important times. He still tries his luck quite often but once he's had the answer he doesn't want to hear a few times he generally gives up and life is much easier, it's his little brother who's 2 in a few days who's the bossy and difficult one now.
So Holly02 we're living proof that WWW advice works and life can and will get easier.

Codswallop, yes I send him to his room if he persists in being naughty/misbehaving. I find it's the only thing that has an effect on him because he hates it. He is usually quite subdued and even apologises to me once he comes out, so it's the best option I have at the moment.

I find I have much more control over him when we're at home, because I'm generally quite firm with him and he knows the boundaries. But when we're out or at someone's place, it becomes much harder because I feel 'limited' in what I can do about it. I don't give in to him but I just have to grit my teeth and put up with the antics when he doesn't get what he wants. I suppose the only thing I can do in that case is to put him in the car and take him home.

I do try to 'pick my battles' WWW (and it is good advice) - I'm only very firm when it comes to things I consider to be non-negotiable. But boy it's hard when you know you're about to get a tantrum because you've said NO!! I can't wait for this particular stage to pass...

hollie i went through hell with ds because like you i felt limited to what i could do say in public and he knew that, because of this dd has no chance,in public or not i just wont put up with any more tamtrums and i dont give a monkies what people are going to think i just force her back into the push chair and take her home or if shes walking i just grab her arm and take her outside,she can scream as much as she wants i wont give in,this seems to work as she`s calm down a lot while out and about

Hi Holly02
My ds is 3.5 and the same behaviour began about 8 months ago. Everyone describes the terrible twos but it's the terrible threes that really gets to you. They can answer back so much more and they will look at you without a care in the world and persist with pushing you. I used to send my son to his room, but he plays with his toys and thinks it's "Oh such fun!" But I have now started to use a time out on the sofa occassionally when I feel he is being really naughty (or assertive depending on how you look at it). He will sit on the sofa for 5 minutes to cool down. After that I will sit him on my knee and will have a "Mum to son chat!" where I will explain to him why he has been told to sit down on the sofa. I agree with wickedwater witch, try not to pull him up on everything. Think of it positively, if he wasn't doing it, be worried, he is just a typical normal 3 yr old boy.
My ds also used to share his toys before nursey, but now it is a territorial thing. If he is at nursey it is a fight for survival and he will be possesive over certain toys. This phase will soon pass, if my ds snatches toys off his cousin I will make him give it back and distract him with another toy to play with.

Hello Holly02

My DS is 3 next month and we have been going through EXACTLY the same thing as you. WWW ideas sound good to me. We use the bottom stair for time out.

Our main problem it that DS runs away. He will NOT come back and we have to chase after him. Very tiring and he will not listen to any reason or punishment that we have tried.

I think the only thing to do now is to get the reigns out again and threaten to put them on.

Has anyone else had this problem? Any suggestions?

We have a naughty room (really ds2's bedroom but when called the naughty room becomes the worst place in the world!) so we can keep him in one place without having to hold him down - he runs away from a naughty step too. He gets shut in and we wait outside until we both calm down, he says sorry (and we make sure he knows what he is sorry for) and then lots of cuddles and peace (for at least 5 mins!). Threat of the naughty room is often enough.

Thank you Harrysmum.

Will try the naughty room this week....