Any advice please re toddler anger - was in tears yesturday!

[sb9]

Hi, my 21 month old does have tantrums which i can handle. But yesturday it went to another level. It looked like she was possessed and she was thrashing arouns on the floor, i was desperatly trying to protect her head as she was banging it around. She bit me and clung onto my top then started biting her own hand. She was full of rage.

Anyone experience this? It was awful!

What started it? Did she go straight that stage or did it escalate after a normal tantrum?

I had similar with DS who is 2.6 when he was about the same age as your DD. Luckily was short lived phase. He was a bit delayed with his speech and the frustration at not being able to communicate with us seems to have been the cause. Now he's talking tantrums have virtually disappeared (arguments replaced them!). Is your DD having an similar issues?

Hi, she does get frustrated at things but more when she cant do a puzzle or something and she does like to be independant which i understand and try to help her with - normal ones are not wanting to put on her coat, go in the car seat, be carried when she wants to walk which i have been ok with as they havent been too bad.

However the one she went mad over was because she dropped a book. She dropped one so lost it and hurled the other book she was holding and went straight into full blown tantrum which quickly escalated! I cant simply walk away and leave her to it as she is banging her head so much its scary. I was just protecting her and remaining calm but she was so angry she went on and on.

I eventually calmed her by getting the orignal book - wish id done it sooner but couldnt leave her!

Allthe internet says is walk away but what can you do when you cant do that!

Where was she at the time? Consider the location, heating, lighting conditions. Was this at home, or elsewhere? Is this how she has reacted in the past to dropping something?

Sit on the floor a few feet away from her and just watch. Put a cushion under her head if she's banging it a lot. Try to consider what she's upset about and fix it... such as getting the book she dropped back.

It's hard when they can't communicate well, it does tend to get better as they get older... so treat it for now as being a phrase. If you get frequent occurrences, try to keep a note of what the trigger is, any environmental factors. Then try to avoid the trigger.

My 21 month old DD has had a few very similar tantrums. The reason for it can be very trivial, but I think the real cause is tiredness. She does seem to be possessed when it happens - I can't hold her, she throws herself around too much. One time she threw herself head first off my bed .

I put DD in her cot. I think this is the safest place. She does bang her head a bit, but she can't really hurt herself. I sit next her cot and talk quietly, telling that she if OK and can have a cuddle if she wants. She calms down after 10-20 minutes, we have a cuddle, a drink and then she will usually fall asleep.

sorry , but welcom ot the world of tantrums . Set upa corner with bean bag or floor cushiosn so you can put her somehwere safe to elt her ride it out. Offer attention only when calming down.

Try to identify triggers - overexcitement, misundertanding/disappointment , overtiredness, particular foods etc- so that you may anticipate the onset and use other techniques to distract her or diffuse it. She is too young yet to rationalise situations and control her emotions.

I dont think you realise how much she is throwing her whole body around, i cant leave her anywhere its just not safe enough. Agreed to try and work out triggers which i am doing but when i help one another comes along so its hard to keep on top of it. Am working it through it, she had one today and i just made sure she was safe and talked her through it. I am not leaving her with anyone whilst she is going though this as she may hurt herself!

Could you move things away from her, or was she banging her head on the floor?

My 18 month old charge has similar tantrums sometimes, where she will try to smack her head against table and chair legs, walls etc. I try to move things away from her or move her into the centre of the room. Also she smacks herself in the face, but I figure she can't do much damage as her hands are so little.

I find any intervention or interaction prolongs and escalates the tantrum, so I sit near her and wait for it to run its course. Afterwards acknowledge the anger/frustration and move on!

'if you give attention to the headbanging it will continue.'

Im sorry but i am not going to simply leave my child whilst she is violently headbanging the floor! She could knock herself out. I am not paying her any attention, i dont speak to her or anything i simply put my hand near her head to protect it.

I think i will carry on as i have been. I am calm and feel ok about it now as it will just pass. Thanks anyway

I think you sound like you are dealing with it fine. There are no right answers - all children are different and sometimes different situations will need a different approach.

BUT thought I'd add a trick

sudden distraction,

so LOUDLY and OTT enthusiastially

oh LOOK!!' and point. A BIRD/plane/flower/whatever... make it up!! Then when calm you can talk to etc.

They get into a weird loop I think and need help to get out of it.

I disagree a bit thesecondcoming - some children may do it for attention, but others get so caught up in the rage they lose it and don't even realise they've hurt themselves til afterwards.

I agree with Missus84 and will try this too. I am not one for seeing her hurting herself and saying there you go. I dont understand that at all especially damage to the head.
Thanks for advice!