Dealing with Bad Behaviour 4 & 6 year old

[danibo]

Would appreciate some advice in dealing with my kids as I feel that both hubby and I do nothing but shout at them and I never wanted to be that type of parent.

My 6 year old daughter isnt too bad other than occasional naughtiness but my 4 year old son is a nightmare sometimes and most of the friction seems to stem from his behaviour. Most of it is annoying his sister, he hits her and pushes her and generally is a real annoyance to her.

The other thing I find is when we go anywhere with them they tend to run off despite my attempts to hold hands and warn them of cars etc (the local leisure centre is a particular bone of contention)

I know that this all seems a bit silly but it is really causing some major shouting matches in the house and I am not really sure how to deal with this. Would appreciate any advice.

Time...
and consistency. Things will improve.
Only they might get worse first (sorry to tell you).
I think most people achieve the best results with adopting a zero tolerance attitude about the worst behaviour: what I mean is, choose the 3 or 4 worst behaviours and absolutely don't allow it to happen or implement strict punishment/consequences if it happens. Otherwise to some extent let minor misbehaviours go.

I am not very good at the zero tolerance thing myself, btw, but I can see that it may be best strategy.

I have a four and six year old and can sympathise. I agree with the poster that said pick on a few behaviours and concentrate on those. I would not go into a leisure centre if my children didn't hold hands crossing the car park, for example, we'd just sit in the car until they were prepared to do that. You can't negotiate hand-holding. I'm quite big on letting them know what's expected before we go somewhere like that though, I usually have a 'little chat' just to establish what the rules are before we go, although my husband thinks this is a bit OTT!

I also meant to say I have things which don't work so well, like how my eldest deals with anger (big throwing things tantrums) so it's not like everything goes well, that's why I think picking on a few chosen things to improve might make you feel better, although things like children fighting do tend to just dribble along being extremely annoying.

Cheers folks, appreciate the advice!!

I can really sympathise with you. My 3yo DS is driving me to distraction lately. Time outs and naughty step/area don't work, as I spend the whole time putting him back on it, forever.... he doesn't seem to tire of the game of getting up and laughing. And it just wears me out and aggravates me. I have days where I think the time out would work better if I used a staple gun and stapled his trousers to the floor.

Loving the idea of staple gun for my cheeky 3 yr old DS- I despair at the behaviour of DD5 and DS 3 most of the time. It grinds you down when no one listens to you but every now and then there is a glimmer of hope e.g DD has recently been really kind to her brother and helping him but her sleep is terrible. While DS sleeps lovely but he runs round like a caged animal and picks on his baby sister (age 1). I think time and persistence are prob the most important.

1 2 3 Magic was my saviour when my two were little.

My SIL recommended it and it is very simple to follow. I found I shouted a lot less and was able to stay calm using this method. There is a book too but I found the DVD easier as it took less time than ploughing through a book.