Losing patience rapidly with dd, aged almost 9

[Earlybird]

DD is 9 in less than a month, and though she is delightful in many ways, I am becoming less and less tolerant of her overly dramatic responses to many things.

She is a complete drama queen about minor physical discomfort/pain. She's barely had a bloody knee in her life (so has not experienced 'real' pain), but a finger pinched in a drawer, a too-hot bowl of soup, a toe knocked against a bedpost, a fingernail trimmed too close to the quick, etc will cause her to howl as if she's had a major incident.

I know it is uncomfortable, and that the 'shock' can cause a squeal, etc. But her reaction is completely over the top, and greatly exaggerated.

In addition to that, she is a child who cannot tolerate being surprised/startled. If I call out to her that supper is ready, she squeals that I have 'scared' her. If I send her to her room to collect something, she always warns 'don't call out to me Mum'. The other morning, she was emerging from her room sleepy eyed and literally almost fell to the ground when I walked unexpectedly into the hallway.

I can be patient, reassuring and comforting, but am losing patience with this ongoing skittish and overly dramatic behaviour. I am aware that saying 'don't be ridiculous' or 'calm down' in a very stern, exasperated or sometimes angry voice is not helpful.

Any suggestions?

Sounds like my ds. Have you thought of sending her to a drama club so she has somewhere to vent her thespian skills, hopefully she may not do them at home if she has an audience elsewhere

maybe she can't help it?
maybe she is genuinely very sensitive. children can have sensory issues which really do affect them.

i'd just try and work really hard on getting her to understand that you KNOW she is surprised/startled/uncomfortable, and talk about ways she can express herself without screaming or crying
she is old enough to know that it's better to talk to people about what's going on, than to just cry, but it might take a bit of perserverence before she starts actually doing it

as you say, getting angry no help, esp if she genuinely can't help herself, it;s just a matter of getting her to see why crying etc doesn't help her much, and to remember to try and control her responses

equally you could both maybe come up with some ideas of how to make things easier for her. how could you let her know supper is ready without scaring her for example? she may have some suggestions

is she like it at school?

thisisyesterdays advice is far better then mine.

you may be right that she can't help it.

I guess I've thought it was understandable behaviour for a younger child, but she doesn't appear to be 'growing out' of it - hence my impatience.

I would still try the drama classes, it hurts when you bump yourself, it hurts more in some people then others, being a drama queen about it isn't going to make a difference. It sounds possible that she doesn't understand her emotions yet aswell. Have you spoken to her about them?

As annoying as this is (I have a very dramatic 8 year old) I think the important thing is not to pander to it otherwise I think children can feel a sense of control over thigns ans have everyone pussyfooting around them.... The thing is she is not genuinely in peril and coming to no harm so you should just carry one as you have been and just tolerate it - as soon as you moderate your behaviour re. calling out to her etc. you are buggered.

My friends daughter does this a lot and actually hers (and not saying this is true of your dd) is a massive manipulation. Everytime she is scared, her Dad in partcular makes a huge fuss of her and reassures her but in reality she is as brave as anything and runs round our garden shouting and just getting on with things - she doesn't even bother with me becuase i give her short shrift about it and carry on as if it is not happening.

I don't know what the answer is but I hope for all your sakes that you manage to train her out of it/divert her energies while she is still young: my brother still does this at the age of 50 and it is supremely annoying.