Hold my hand through a behaviour-related electronics embargo

[BoffinMum]

DS2 (and DS1 to a certain extent) have been on computer games and so on so much since Xmas that they are getting somewhat addicted, and we think this is one of the reasons DS1 is behaving rather badly at school at the moment. So we have gone all Amish and banned TV, PC, DS, Playstation and Wii for a fortnight, and got out all their other toys as alternatives.

Yesterday evening we all did a Wholesome and Educational jigsaw puzzle of Horrible Histories - The Tudors, which I thought would take 1 hour but in the event took 5.5 hours on and off and nearly killed us LOL! (The memory of my insincere sing song tones as I cheerfully encouraged people to look for yet another piece of jigsaw with half-timbering on makes me shudder even now).

However we are determined to stand our ground and I am hoping for a bit of parental solidarity and support from this thread, not least because DS2 is railing at this upstairs and saying we are terrible parents yada yada, and won't get dressed. We Must Be Strong. Help us!

Naturally MN can't be banned because a) I am hypocritical, and b) I would probably have to shoot myself.

Hi Boffinmum, I'll hold your hand. The first couple of days will be the worst.

I've never done what you are doing by the way but a friend of mine does it every year - from 1st May to autumn half-term all electronic things (TV, games, computer) are put in attic and everyone has to find other ways of amusing themselves. Am thinking of doing same myself next summer holiday - just think its easier to ban then limit sometimes.

Don't feel that you have to amuse them all the time either - let them be bored and find ways to amuse themselves (my mum used to give us a job to do if we ever said we were bored - she was hardcore no-nonsense, my mum ).

I have to say, today has been a brilliant success. The DSs played Lego nicely, did a bit of art, READ BOOKS!, went to choir without making a fuss, were more collaborative and co-operative than usual ... and ... I got more hugs than usual.

There was a bit of remonstration about no electronics but only one actual tantrum this morning. Hope it's as good tomorrow.

First rule of behaviour change is behaviour will get worse before it gets better (known as an extinction burst).
I regulalry tell my kids the tv is broken. Having said that, they don't watch tv, only dvds and videos, mainly I suppose because I can't bear tv. The sound of an advert imposing on the privacy of my home drives me into an irrational rage.

I wouldn't have a tv at all but dh likes one fro sport and stuff (despite fact he works abroad.)

Letting kids be bored is excellent advice.

Day 2 quite good - DS2 did a lot of drawing with me, and some baking, DS1 went to visit a friend and apparently did not spend the entire time playing computer games secretly! Then we all went for a walk. DS1 a bit sniffy and complaining about the embargo, but hopefully will come around.

I really like the idea of banning it all for the summer. Have banned things for a couple of weeks before for DD and her behaviour improved no end. Don't have so many problems bahaviour-wise now, but there is still too much reliance on electronics and a lack of imagination when she has to find something else to do (I try to limit it otherwise she would literally do nothing else. Tried to give her free rein at some point last year and by the end of a fortnight she was horrendous so I started limiting again). Am really tempted with a summer ban.

OOh i like this.

We relented and bought ds a nintendo ds for Christmas. he is nearly 7 so we have done well. Its all he has (we dont have x boxes or Weei thingies or anything liek that)

He was not that bothered about it till his pal came round and has taught him how to use it (On Monday) so now he likes it and picks it up.

Up until Monday we were that book reading, jigsaw playing lego building family.

I mourn that after only a few days.
So you are my future i think. I aim to take heed from your experience and majorly keep a reign on all electronic interests, maybe use it as a treat for good behaviour.
thanks

I told DH about summer ban and he was very scared and impressed at the thought!

Ban here still going well - DS2 reading a lot more and behaviour greatly improved, more music practice, and has got lots of other toys out. DS1 angling for an early end to the ban, and is not quite so good at entertaining himself. Nearly gave in myself two days ago on this basis, as I wanted to shut him up, but I held strong ...

Good for you.

We got a Wii for Xmas, and as I predicted, DS2 could become seriously addicted if not continually monitored (he is nearly 7). There is no way I would have got a DS because we would have been arguing about it non-stop.

We have put strict limits on its use, but he is always pushing the boundaries ....

It is very useful as a sanction, but maybe using it as a reward would be better

Good for you.

We went cold turkey with TV for DD a few years ago and it worked. We now use it very selectively as a reward for homework completion and it's working. I just hope we can keep it up!

Good luck.

Another thing I've started to do (which is obvious really, but ...) is to look in the TV guide and only watch programmes they really want to after school (they really only watch CBBC anyway as we only have Freeview).

This stops them just lolling around with open mouths watching everything going (Bloody Tracy Beaker)

< mental note to practice what she preaches >

It's been quite hard all this, because I am not particularly anti-telly or IT, in fact I think there is a lot of good stuff out there. But I have been concerned at how my kids got so sucked into the medium so fast, to the detriment of personal relationships.

On the other hand I lived next door to a family once who did not have a TV or PC at all, and their children basically passed the time by beating the crap out of each other, locking their parents out of the house, and throwing stones over the fence at my kids, which is not a model I am keen to replicate!

Um. Can see why you are not aiming to replicate that model!

I am a big fan of restricting access to PC, TV, games etc as kids can get sucked in, as you say. We found it very hard work going cold turkey with DD at first but the rewards for us have been great - our daughter is much less temperamental, accepts discipline more graciously and has become more discerning about what she watches / plays as she can't have it on tap all the time. We slipped into the TV habit when I was pregnant and suffering from SPD - it was soooo easy to turn on the TV for DD but it was detrimental in the longer term.

I kind of wish someone would do the same for me so that I could focus on working rather than using the internet as some sort of displacement activity...

Good luck with it.