OH MY GOSH!!!! Why is my 2 year old so argumentative and negative??!

[smileyboy]

Not really sure if this is a question or just a rant. My ds has become the most hard to please little boy over the past year or so.

All started since he learned to talk. He argues and disagrees with EVERYTHING!!!

Every little decision I make, he contradicts it or point blank says he doesn't want to do it... even when it's something nice for him like going to a farm or to soft play. All the things he loves when he gets there but even on the car journey all we get is 'I don't want to go to xxx' over and over again. Resulting in him crying when I say we are going or him just sulking like this morning and saying he didn't love me .

I try to ignore it most of the time but every single thing in our day is a battle and I am so fed up. Just things like going to a shop can take ages getting his shoes on, then inevitabley he whinges and moans all the way there 'but I don't want to' etc etc.

He is lovely and quite happy to play on his own but the second we try to do anything with him and play with him he becomes bossy and negative. 'No don't do that mummy, leave that alone'

I praise him all the time for good behaviour but my GOD he is so miserable sometimes and I can't work out why! He's not a bit cryer usually, just moans and then flares up into a tantrum when he has to do something he doesn't want (like most 2 year olds probably) Arrrgh!

Just wanted to get it off my chest really. Are all 2 year olds able to argue so much??! Just yesterday ds was moaning in the car all the way to Tesco because he didn't want to get out the car , then he gets angry when I say I can't leave him on his own in the car. Sometimes he just point blank refuses to do things and I feel awful for forcing him.

We use the naughty step for really bad behaviour like hitting (which is VERY rare thankfully) / big tantrums etc but it's the constant negativity over everything, meal times, bath time, dressing, going out, closing the damn dishwasher that is driving me mad!!!!!

sounds exhausting! 2yr olds, as I am sure you know, often behave in a negative/ argumentative way as they are beginning to recognise their own abilities and exert their own influence. The world revolves around them.

You sound like you're doing everything right. Just got to stick to your guns. I know you do a lot of positive reinforcement, but what do you think to some kind of simple reward chart? You know 'I put my shoes on today' gets a sticker etc etc.

Also, does he go to any toddler groups etc? Just wondering whether he (and you) may benefit from socialising with other children (parents)

Not much else to add - hopefully someone more wise will come along. They don't call em terrible two's for nothing!

Ahhh thanks, just nice to have a moan about it really! Nice to know I am doing the best I can. I make him sound like a monster, he is lovely (he's napping now and I am feeling guilty for thinking badly of him! [grin}. He is just so much easier to deal with when he's asleep hahaha.

He does love stickers so I will try that but he is so negative sometimes I can see he'll rebel and say 'I don't want a sticker', nearly every sentence starts with 'I don't want' or 'I don't like' .

Just have trouble understanding why when we try and give as much in put as possible, he has to argue with everything.

Yes he does go to toddler groups and actually once the initial 'I don't want to go to play group' moans are over with, he is a delight there and very well behaved, really lovely and gentle with other children. He can be so amazing but he is just so exhausting. I have to justify everything I do and I spend most of my day just easoning with him and talking him through what I am doing and why. Just wish we had time to enjoy him rather than argue with him .

thank goodness he's an only child!

Don't feel guilty - gosh there have been times when i have felt sooo drained by my DC's!! And I often can't wait for nap time or bedtime!!!!

Just wait till he's a teenager

and he sounds just fine - a normal two year old. I'd be more worried if he behaved badly with other children etc. I think it is a universal truth that kids play up most for their mums

2yo are just ike that I'm afraid - they have learned that they are a separate person from you and can say No, and then practice it at every opportunity!

Have you tried giving him choices where he can "decide" what to do, where both of the options suit you fine - that can give them a chance to feel they are being independent and making their own decisions, without inconveniencing you too much . Eg "Do you want to put your shoes on first, or your coat?", "Are you going to carry the shopping basket or shall I?". You can't get round every situation that way of course, but sometimes you can reduce the feeling of being in a fight all day.

You could also leave him to play more on his own, or let him tell you what to do when you play with him - they very often have a complex set of rules in their head about what should go where, how the game should be played, which you of course have no idea about. Playing with them can very easily feel like you are telling them what to do, not equal at all.

Other than that, for the times when stuff just has to be done and can't be disguised as something else, you just have to insist and put up with the whinging I'm afraid. It will improve soon though I'm sure, they mostly don't stay like this for very long!

Yes, giving him options may be the way to go? DS has two pairs of shoes now, as every day going out was a total battle. Now he chooses which ones, and he's much happier. Same with coats, hats, scarves etc. Seems to work (for now at least)

I have sympathy - DS is 2.2 and says NO to everything at the moment. About half the time no does actually mean yes

Also - Ignore, ignore, ignore (wailing in the car for example)

and repeat - 'it's just a phase' over and over and over until you are either mad, or he's onto the next thing

Congratulations - your child is developing completely normally. Steel yourself for the months ahead, with any luck he'll suddenly blossom into a little gentleman at 3 or 4.

You don't have to reason with him - at this age it's important for him to learn some boundaries too. I read somewhere that they can't actually reason very well at this age, the most they can understand is simple choices/bargaining, put across in a very brisk, no-messing but cheerful way. "You put on your hat or you get a cold head? What are you going to do? No hat? Great, let's go then!" (If you are a softie you put the hat in your bag for later).

If I had a £1 for every time my kids have said "You're not my friend!", sometimes they get so cross with me they have to have a cuddle to calm down (from me of course) .

it's all about control and power struggles

like AMumInScotland suggests you need to let him have more choices, just be careful abotu what he choses!

e.g. which socks do you want to wear today? [shows ds two pairs of socks] the blue ones or the brown ones, repeat with trousers, tshirt etc until dressed

do you want to walk to the car or jump to the car? both options mean he goes to the car, but he gets to chose how

if he starts to argue about going somewhere then sing loudly! either he'll join in or you'll drown out the complaints! dd3 used find it hard to ignore me if I sang the wrong words to nursery rhymes (she loves to tell me I'm doing it wrong!) and my ds (just 2) loves joining in with Old MacDonald

apart from that, it's just a phase, it will pass