3yo food advice please

[JimmyMcNulty]

Ds1 is 3.6. We started off BLW when weaning which went brilliantly, but since slipped into bad habits, saying 'Oh you haven't eaten much, go on have a bit more' or 'Oh you haven't even tried that' etc. I now realise I should have just let him get on with it to regulate his own appetite.

So anyway for a while now he's been deciding that if he doesn't like what's on offer for his tea he won't eat it, and that is an ever increasing list that I feel I shouldn't pander to. At first we compounded our earlier mistakes and tried to persuade him, got cross etc, and I am pretty sure this made things worse as he then knew it was a great way of winding us up. Recently we have been backing off completely and just serving it up, and when he refuses it, not making any comment, just clearing it away after a while and doing bath/bedtime as usual. This has taken a lot of the stress out of it!

However, the last week or so he has basically not eaten anything at all for tea. He'll have porridge with banana mixed in for breakfast, a sandwich-type lunch (but not a lot) and no tea. He never wants snacks unless it's biscuits or cake, and I don't give him those anymore unless a special treat. At tea time he has been saying 'I'm hungry but I don't want this' and I've been saying 'Well that's all there is. If you don't want it don't eat it.' So he doesn't.

He's often woken at night but it's been much worse this week and I'm sure a lot of it is hunger. When he woke really upset about 9pm last night I gave him a bit of bread and butter and he fell on it like he'd not eaten for a month.

So my question is, what should I be doing? Do I really have to go down the route of cooking only what he will eat right now? (Fish fingers, chips, tomato ketchup). How can I make sure he eats enough? There is not an ounce of fat on him and most of his trousers fall down. He is a very very hard nut when it comes to willpower and I know that to get into a battle with him never work.

Gosh that was long, sorry. Any advice appreciated.

There is a spell, typically from 2.5yo to 4.5yo, when they barely eat at all. I never worry in the slightest about it but must admit I've observed many friends get into a tizz about their own DC behaving thus. I can't help wondering if they're worrying unnecessarily, most kids won't really starve themselves (2 of my DC are scrawny, one is stout).

So Mine used to skip tea a lot too, and they haven't starved. I'd just carry on with what you want to be your usual long-term habits. I do let mine have fruit and milk after tea, even if they haven't finished their supper.

Thanks cant, I'm sure you're right that he doesn't need as much as I expect. I'm just a bit worried because of the behaviour/sleep disturbance that seems to result from not eating his last meal of the day. If I offer him fruit as an alternative he refuses it, though oddly will eat loads of the stuff on the occasions he has eaten the main bit. He probably would eat a yogurt though.

I'm totally convinced logically that children won't starve themselves. It's just that he is so strong willed he makes me doubt myself sometimes!

I guess if it were me I'd just focus on quality for the times when he will eat.

portion wise its one tablespoon per portion per yr of there life so for him would be 6 tablespoons doesnt look much but perfectly healthy

maybe do small dinners and lots of praise a sticker if he can eat one bite of everything start small and ask bit more each night with huge praise i found if i over piled my ds plate he wouldnt eat it it was too daunting i stick with the tbsp portions and it works fine no forcing and if he says he was done i would accept it and praise for trying and maybe tomorrow you can try bit more

also could you get him involved with choosing dinner ad making dinner setting table etc anything that enforces praise and positive feelings before food ignore any i dont likes or dont wants praise how he has helped and how yummy it is and keep things upbeat

My 3 1/2 yr old DD is v. picky too. More on some days than others. There's only a few meals she'll eat at tea time. And some days she will not want them. I think she might be getting filled up from her afternoon snack at nursery and lunch those days? But when she doesn't want to eat the tea I've made I let it go. Sometimes she wants her basic favourites instead (wraps/sandwiches) but most times now she just says she's not hungry and I'll just try and give her a bigger bedtime snack. Glad to read the other poster say that this phase should end around 4 1/2 because it is worrying at times!

I've got into the 'one bite more' thing before and tbh all that did was show him that I cared how much he ate and therefore that he could use it to push a few buttons...

He likes stickers but they've never motivated him to do something he doesn't want to do. He has such firm views on things for a 3yo! At pre-school the other day apparently he decided he wanted to dress up as a princess and when a couple of the other boys laughed at him he just said 'I like it. I want to wear it.' And that was that; they tell me he couldn't give two hoots for peer pressure (so he's no better at eating with vegetable-eating friends either, tried that).

I often get him involved in cooking and he's happy with that but still adamant about whether he wants to try it or not. We tried making veg and cheese muffins and he enjoyed baking those but wouldn't even try them. Choc chip muffins however were another matter...

Does it really matter if you give him a slice of bread and butter at dinner time or before going to bed. Nothing exciting but something to fill him up. Or else just cook him what he likes, he eats and you don't get stressed. It is better for them to eat something and the same thing every night than what you think is a balance diet.

Veg and cheese muffins are no replacement for chocolate muffins, I'm not surprised really are you.

Not surprised about the choc muffins. Just hoped he might try the others (which were actually really tasty!).

I dunno. I sort of think it does matter if I give him fish fingers and chips every night (or even bread and butter).

Do you ever let him make decisions for food choice. I always have 2 food choices for my daughter for dinner - letting her chose empowers her.

OP I am so glad I have seen this...

I didn't offer my dd a very healthy diet when she was weaned, fortunately she loves fruit and veg, but when she narrowed down her choice of foods at around 18 months, we were lacking in healthy protein foods.

Now at nearly 4 she has plenty of energy and has grown really well (lean but quite tall for her age, towers over most of her friends at nursery) but will not try new things, so still on a toddler diet, such as it was.

We are at the stage you are, now, we are going to offer her the diet we would like her to eat, no alternatives, but back it up with a reward chart, books (Herb the vegetarian dragon!) and associated cook books (she does like to help cook). No stress, just serve it and leave it up to her.

I know it will get worse before it gets better. But like your ds, dd has a will of iron and will have to be almost keeling over before she tries a spoonful of tomato soup or a cheese sandwich.

DS2 is 3.7 and does exactly the same thing - he always eats a big breakfast, has a snack at nursery, has a sandwich lunch, then very often doesn't want tea. He can also be really fussy about what he does want. I always cook the same for him and DS1, and if DS2 doesn't want it I just take it away with no fuss. He'll sometimes eat a yoghurt. Like your son, he's extremely strong willed and totally unbribeable! I just think he's often genuinely not hungry in the evenings - he's a good, solid boy, and full of energy, but probably not going through a growth spurt or anything at the moment. I think it's best to not worry about it - it's just a phase. I give him a vitamin supplement, just in case. I'm comforted by the fact that something very similar happened with DS1, who also went though a phase of insisting on having a ham roll for tea every night! That only lasted a few weeks. Now (he's 6) he eats anything and everything!
Just think, when they're teenagers and eating us out of house and home we'll think we were mad for ever worrying about them not eating!

Sounds just like our house!! DS (3.1) is very fussy. He will only eat a narrow range of foods such as fish fingers etc. I worry constantly about what he eats, however he seems ok.
Glad to hear they grow out of this phase at some point and won't end up eating nothing but cheesy pasta by the time he gets to uni!
Guess we have just got to stick with it, I think I might make a list of the things he will eat and put it up on the fridge. He used to eat stuff like peanut butter and banana sandwiches but wouldn't touch them now.
At the weaning stage he ate so healthily, I made nearly all his stuff and he would eat lentils, lamb casserole, spinach etc but wouldn't touch it now

Thanks for all the replies - it's helpful to think through how best to handle it. I am normally so laid back that it's taken me by surprise how wound up I can get about such a seemingly small thing!

Today he's come down with a temp and is clearly not feeling himself so that may be part of the explanation for the deterioration this week.

just remember the food portion size also as when they start eating well you realise all along the were eating enough just not all of 1 big plate of food