Seperation anxiety in 5 year olds?

[Fimblehobbs]

DS (5) is not very good at being dropped off anywhere by me - he cries (usually not much/for long though, according to TA) when I leave him at school.

Last term he had a playdate at a new friend's house and cried 45 minutes in, so much that I had to go and get him.

He cried when it was time to go to his afterschool sports club last week, although he did stop and get on with the session.

If he thought I would leave him at a party he wouldn't go.

He has never been massively confident but I don't know how to help him. He went through a stage like this at preschool but there were more staff there and it got easier.

If DH drops him off, he is FINE.

Is that because he thinks I am a soft touch? Because I am doing something wrong and making him anxious? Because he is genuinely upset but doesn't show those feelings in front of his dad? (I do admit I have more of a there there approach and DH is a pull yourself together type). Is it because the school is wrong for him? (Though they have commented how his confidence has grown since September)

I do the whole cheerful, matter of fact, have a lovely day see you later thing. I don't hang around making it worse - but sometimes he is chasing after me and there is no teacher/TA to prise him off me.

This morning I left him crying at the classroom door.

I feel so crap about it.

He is only 5.

He is still very small.

You his mummy are the very centre of his world -this happened with my ds1 too and you just have to persevere,I dont for 1 minute think hes crying all day -trust me school would ring you - nobody can bear the howls of a 5 year old for long.

Encourage him to make friends look forward to the school day and maybe see his class teacher she could have a special 'job' that he needs to get on with as soon as he gets to school.

Dont feel crap it happens to lots of Mummies x

Thanks nickschick. Thats made me cry! But in a good way. He does have some nice friends, one in particular always comes looking for him with a massive smile, like its made his day to see my DS, but all DS seems to focus on is that I'm leaving him.

The other children all seem so much happier and robust and I think why can't he be like that.

Its just the way he is at this moment ,my ds1 used to have a lipstick kiss in his hand so hed see that mummy loved him all day ds2 on the other hand skipped merrily into school and wasnt to bothered about coming home.

Do you think seeing his class teacher might help you/him?

I saw the TA earlier in the week and she was very reassuring about how much more quickly he calms down these days.

I think it would be good for him to have a job to do but I don't want to be seen as demanding/precious/whatever. I don't expect him to get special treatment, there are 30 in the class, but then again if the majority go in fine, then it'd be ok for DS to be treated specially in this case? I know there are other areas where he does fine and other children get more attention.

hmmm and thanks.

Im surprised the teacher hasnt already suggested it - usually its just little jobs of making sure the tables have pencils on or wiping the board or something very important for a boy of 5 to be in 'charge' of.

Fimble - It's hard when they come running after you. Have a word with the TA, and ask her if you can hand him over to her. I think DCs need to have someone to go to when they are anxious about separating.

Just remembered - I used to put a special picture in DS2s book bag - a smiley face or something. To let him know you are thinking about him.

My dd started school this January-last Monday it took 2 teachers to prise her fingers off me- I do feel your pain as she's always been like this at preschool.

It's galling beccause her twin brother breezes in with no problems. However, this does let me see that it's nothing I've done. She enjoys school, but like with everything she'd rather be with me. As she's not an irritating child I don't mind her wanting to be with me. I think her twiin is happy to get love from whoever (when I asked if him if he's miss me when he slept at grandma's he said 'no mummy because Grandma loves me lots', but she just wants me and nobody else will do.

What helps is making sure she's not tired as that makes her much much worse.

If she goes anywhere out of the routine I talk through what she'll do a lot before hand.

School gave her an award last week for 'trying to be brave about leaving Mummy'-that perked her up and she tried hard to bite her lip this morning.

I don''t rush the goodbyes- we have lots of hugs that 'will last the whole day'. I have talked to her about how many hours she's at school and then how many hours she's at home(including sleep) with me. So I'll say 'see you at 330 and then I've got you for 161/2 hours!'- that seems to make her happy too.

I don't push playdates or parties-I just stay and help or if she doesn't want to go I don't make her.

I repeat to myself 'she will not be doing this when she's 15' when I feel really crap about it. I also shamelessly ring the school secretary to ask if she's calmed down-I did this with ds1 too and at preschool-don't care what they think of me

Sorry it's so hard.

Thanks everyone. He was a lot better today, I think because the TA latched onto him as soon as I finished saying goodbye so he didn't have time to be on his own and get upset.

I offered him the lipstick kiss and he was disgusted by the idea 'I only like hugs mummy, I don't like kisses'

He was invited on a playdate this morning - I warned the mum the last one ended in tears and she was lovely about it - so will see how he feels about that.

The teachers are very good so I guess they prob don't think hes as 'bad' as I do or they'd have suggested the job. I will give it another couple of weeks, lots of early nights and praise and gentleness, and then talk to the teachers if its getting worse.

Ahh fimbles hope things carry on getting better .