Toddlers poking at your various bits!

[RockbirdandHerSpork]

After a conversation with DH this morning about our just turned 2yo he suggested that I ask the wise people on MN what you think of this...

Two things. DD has to stroke skin when she's going to sleep. Her favourite bits are my upper arms or bosoms (she was ff btw, not interested in feeding from them but happy to pinch them black and blue, bloody typical!). I have no problem with this but occasionally she wanders down to the nips and has a go at pinching them. I remember a thread on something similar ages back where it was generally frowned upon to let older children do that. I don't mind as such but it worries me that I shouldn't be letting her do it and I do tend to move her away.

Secondly, DH and DD have had baths together since she was tiny. Recently he's stopped and I asked why this morning. He said it's because she's started to notice his bits and prod at them and again, he doesn't mind as such but feels it isn't right.

I just wondered what other people thought. I guess the fact that both of us feel a bit odd about these things should give me the answer I need but I also feel it's all a bit sad to be so influenced by outside opinions when what she is doing on both counts is pure toddler curiosity. So here I am asking for outside opinions

I agree, sounds like just normal toddler tactileness/curiosity. I'd probably fend her off from pinching my nipples (because - ow!) but otherwise the skin thing reminds me of my daughter (3 in April) - she's very, very cuddly and loves rubbing her cheek against mine, and often strokes my face or arms. She was also obsessed with stroking my bosoms for a while (she was ff too), usually when I'm getting dressed in the morning.

I think it's both normal for your daughter to be curious about your/your husband's bits, and normal for you to feel a bit awkward about this. After some unwelcome scrutiny (and I think one prod) my husband wasn't keen on having a bath with my daughter either but she's totally over the fact he's got a "tinkle" now, much to his relief.

I reckon your daughter will probably always be an affectionate and tactile person but her curiosity about genetalia will fade naturally soon enough. The important thing (as I'm sure you know) is not to make her feel that she's doing anything wrong or bad.

I'd say carry on doing what you feel is right as long as you feel okay. Prodding and poking is normal behaviour and you should be worried if she didn't think "hey what's that thing that's different from me?". Don't worry about outside opinions - I think people worry too much about that these days and feel restricted in their perfectly innocent ways.
I'd stop the nipple pulling though - ouch!

Normal toddler curiosity, and I don't think anyone would think otherwise if she told them she'd "poked" daddy's bits in the bath, so no reason there for stopping her.

But you could start telling her if/when you don't want touched/poked, as she can then learn that people can say "no" when they don't like a touch, which is a useful thing for her to feel able to do.

DS2 has always bathed with DP. (He was 3 on Xmas Eve). He has poked "daddys winkie" a couple of times and also pulled the hair on his chest etc. Doesn't bother DP at all, apart from he covers himself with the flannel and distracts DS2 when that happens. Perhaps this is because they are both male?

On the other hand I stopped bathing with DS1 when he was 6, because he would stare and stare and I felt it was innapropriate when i opened my legs to climb out of the bath, leaving him in it (eek!). We have a very high sided free standing thing, so you have to lift one leg high!

I remember reading in a book once these exact words, "A baby will no more notice your nakedness than they would if you were wearing your best dress, up until the age of about 3".

I wouldn't worry about your just 2 year old, but Amuminscotland is right, learning about "no" and when not to touch is an important lesson.

my 2.8 dd has recently shown an interest in dp's bits and has tried to poke them etc.

We both feel that she is of an appropriate age to be told that daddy doesn't like having his bits touched and that she is not to do it. We haven't made a drama out of it, we've just explained in a nice way. I agree that with others that it's important for her to learn that it's ok to not want to be touched by another person and it's ok to say no in those situations.