Stealing

[princessofpink]

I have just had the most awful experience - my dd (age 6) was caught stealing whilst playing at a friend's house; little bits and bobs from her friend's room. It was no mistake, it was a clear attempt only found out by accident. I really thought I'd raised her to understand that stealing is just plain wrong. I feel so shocked. We sat her down and tried to find out why she'd done it, and she said she just 'wanted them'. We have tried to make her understand that there's a reason that stealing is against the law, that breaking a trust with a friend is just an awful thing to do and makes it worse. She's seriously grounded and has her privileges (playing on the Wii, etc) revoked.
She cried and said she was sorry, but how do I know she's truly understood it or if she's just crying because she got caught.
Is there anyone who knows what might have made her forget all she's been taught, who can advise me on how I handle it (not sure if we did it right, too much or too little) and what to do going forward?
I am very grateful to the child's mother for telling me what happened and dealing with it so well at her end, but I still have to face her in the playground every day.

I clearly remember stealing some cracker (Christmas one) out of an aunt's attic when I was about 6. We knew it was wrong (I was with little brother), but thought what would old auntie want with crackers...far more use to us.

Anyway, we were found out. Given a bollocking. Made to go and face (very prim and proper) aunt and say sorry. It wasn't pleasant (and this is now about 33 years ago.

since then I have been on the straight and narrow. I am now a lawyer.

Make sure she learns the lesson now and she will be fine.

good luck.

It's not uncommon, and doesn't mean that she's going to grow up to steal - kids don't have perfect impulse control at the age of 6. The chances are that now she's been caught and reprimanded she won't do it again. Of course you'll likely keep a watchful eye on her - without her noticing - eg if she comes back from a playdate, does she have anything in her coat pockets or bag when you put it away? Does she have anything in her room that you haven't seen/bought yourself? Luckily kids are quite bad at stealing at this age, easy to catch at it, less good at convincing lies to cover it!

Just make sure that the behaviour isn't persisting. At the same time create opportunities for her to show you that she can be trusted and praise her for it. eg give her a little toy to take to her playdate as a surprise gift - something you know your DD would rather keep for herself. After the playdate, check discreetly that she's given it to her friend. If she has, lavish praise upon her, tell her how proud you are - not mentioning the stealing in the past, but praising the current behaviour of honesty. Try to reinforce the label that she is someone who can be trusted, and that you value that in her.

Great advice, Bec.

Someone I used to work with caught his daughter having nicked something from Claire's Accessories when she was about 7 or 8. He made her take it back to the shop and apologise. He's quite a gentle person so handled it quite low key, I think, but she was terrified anyway - of the police, going to prison, the lot. And I don't think she ever did it again.

So explaining why it's wrong, making sure she apologises, and then moving on seems about right to me.

I remember stealing little things - it's something most children experiment with but move on from pretty quickly.

I'm 99% sure today's playdate has taken some of our toys home. I'd really appreciate any ideas as to how to raise it with his mum. How would you like it to have been raised with you princess? I'd like the toys back, (DS hasn't realised they are missing yet), but would also like to keep the budding friendship.
The kid is 6 btw.

ring the parents and say could they check for blah blah toys in x's pocket/bag as they were playing with them earlier and

Obv you must must must do a double then triple check of your house first - fridge, breadbin, under bed/pilows, stuffed into laundry basket, compost heap etc etc etc

Have to do it face to face as it's a neighbour and we don't have their phone number. I would have texted it if I could, to avoid the embarrassing confrontation.

Don't worry, I've looked in sane (under sofa near where playing) and not sane places (behind toilet) several times. I also know the visitor was playing alone with them when DS and I let his mum in. Had been thinking they were the lounge 5 mins before that, then realised exactly when I last saw them.

He's just a kid, and I'd still have him here to play again, but would hide the playmobil / lego first. Which is a shame because those are the main thing they want to play together.

It's first playdate, but they play together at school a lot, and I've known the mum to nod to for years. DS was also really proud of having an older kid round.