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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Tips for keeping a 3yo in her bed other than superglue??

25 replies

2ndtimemummy · 25/01/2010 22:13

Our DD has just moved into a big girl's bed, we did all the making a fuss and she loves her new bed.

Once she is asleep, we have no probs but GETTING her to fall asleep has been a nightmare the last few days, she has just finally nodded off with me lying next to her after two hours of her coming in and out of her room.

Any help/advice would be appreciated as we also have DC2 due soon!

Thanks

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FlamingoBingo · 25/01/2010 22:15

Don't know, but when you find the answer can you let me know?

DH just got back from taking our pain in the bum delightful 3yo out in the car to get her to sleep!

It somehow does just happen, though, that they get themselves to sleep. DD1 and DD2 do it easily and have done for a while. Fingers crossed DD3 starts doing it soon too - she's costing us a fortune in petrol!

CDMforever · 25/01/2010 22:31

My 3 year old DS goes off to sleep quite nicely, albeit while I read to him, then he wakes and insists on being in our bed even if its 8pm, generally wanting me to be in it too. I got v stressed about this and asked for the advice of the HV ( who suggested controlled crying - eek!) but to be quite honest, looking at the bigger longer term picture, so what?! I'm sure he won't be in with us in a few years, he obviously feels he needs the reassurance and its actually quite cosy having a living hot water bottle between us. I don't get much of an evening to myself but hey - thats where Sky+ comes in! Don't sweat the small stuff. The early years are never easy but are so fleeting. PS I may very well feel differently about the situation when I haven't had a conversation with my DH for months or any hey nonny nonny!

ShinyAndNew · 25/01/2010 22:35

Masking tape?

If you find anything that works let me know.

Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 25/01/2010 22:54

Thanks guys, your posts have at least made me smile

Would controlled crying work on a toddler? Not sure about that?

Anyone else have any tips for us, as I don't want to resort to masking tape/ driving in a car (I feel for you flamingobingo)

Thanks

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SpeedyGonzalez · 25/01/2010 22:59

I presume this is a new behaviour which has only developed since moving her to her new bed? In which case she is definitely capable of getting to sleep as she used to, and you needn't give up hope!

At her age she should respond well to positive reinforcement, i.e. 'good behaviour charts'. If you draw a chart in a design that appeals to her (in our house it's train tracks) then every time she goes to sleep properly she gets a sticker...and once she's filled the chart she gets a prize - can be a cupcake, or a book, or a trip somewhere nice - anything you think will work, really. Then hopefully by the time the chart is completed she'll have grown out of her current sleep dependency. You could always extend it to a range of good behaviours (have just done it in our household and it's working well - even in beaviours which are not specifically mentioned on the chart).

bibbitybobbityhat · 25/01/2010 23:05

Hi 2ndtime

I hope you don't mind but I have cut and pasted below some advice I gave out earlier in the week. Its what I always post when these "being naughty at bed time at age 3" threads come along. Ime, this is a developmental stage nearly all children go through, it is incredibly common. I do think it is important for little children to go to bed on time and not impinge on the adults child-free time downstairs of an evening. Otoh, I could never really get worked up about a little cuddly babe wanting to get in bed and snuggle up to me in the middle of the night. Perhaps I'm a terrible old softie!:

"Both of my dc were pretty good sleepers but they did both hit a rough patch as soon as they turned 3. I don't know if it was to do with no longer napping in the day or not - actually, it probably wasn't in the case of my ds because he stopped napping in the day as soon as he was 2 eek! - but, anyway, by 3 we had some terrible stand-offs about going to bed and getting up in the night, with both of them.

What I did was be very firm about bedtime, going to bed, staying in bed etc. I would sit outside the bedroom door and calmly take them back to bed each time they got up. Sometimes this took a couple of hours or more!

But, with my ds in particular, when he got up and came into my room in the night (usually around 2 or 3 am) I would let him get into bed and sleep with me. It went on for about 6 months and I grew to absolutely love it.

In the end he started staying in his own bed more and more and it stopped altogether by the time he was 4.

I look back on those nights sleeping with him with great fondness and wish he would come in for a cuddle every now and then - but he only does it now if he's ill . "

Fleecy · 25/01/2010 23:10

We had this with DD and have reached a compromise - we leave her bedroom door open and the landing light on so she's free to play in her room as long as she likes and can go to sleep when she feels like it.

When we come up to bed, we turn the light off and close the door.

It works because she feels she's in control and she's not missing out. And she knows if she comes out of her room, we will take some toys away each time or will turn the light off and close the door repeatedly.

She is pleased that we treat her like a big girl and rarely comes out of the room, we get our evening back.

It's a gamble but it worked for us!

Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 25/01/2010 23:17

Thanks Speedy and Bibbitt for your really helpful suggestions. I'll try the reward chart as there's nothing like a bit of bribery!

When you take them firmly back to bed, do you speak to them? Hubby tried the silent approach and she went hysterical hence me sitting and soothing?

Thanks again

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SpeedyGonzalez · 25/01/2010 23:22

IME talking to your kids doesn't make a difference - at least, not at this age. I had it ingrained in my brain from the Baby Whisperer that you should NEVER talk to your baby when trying to settle them to sleep; no eye contact, nothing. I don't think it made a difference with DS when he was a baby and it certainly doesn't now. In fact I'd say soothing strokes/ lullabies, etc are far better at this age, but make sure you're firm about how many kisses/ strokes/ lullabies you'll give before leaving, and then stick to that.

SpeedyGonzalez · 25/01/2010 23:23

Oh - and good luck with your next bambino - same happening in our household!

bibbitybobbityhat · 25/01/2010 23:23

All I said was "its bed time, its time to go to sleep". There's not much else to say is there really?

SpeedyGonzalez · 25/01/2010 23:54

Oh, bibbity, my DS will chatter away asking for one more kiss/ cuddle/ song/ snuggle/ anything he can think of to extend our time together! So I always respond to him, but firmly.

Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 26/01/2010 18:07

Thanks for your help guys, really appreciate your advice. Going to try tonight!

Speedy - congrats too, Spring arrival for moi, when are you?

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Triggles · 26/01/2010 18:36

DS (3yrs) didn't want to stay in bed at first either. We basically child proofed his room, put the monitor out of his reach with the nightlight on, tucked him in after his stories, and let him play or wander his room until he was tired enough to go to sleep. Initially every night he was up for quite some time, now he generally settles down fairly quickly and goes to sleep. I think (for him) the novelty of being able to get out of bed had to wear off.

SpeedyGonzalez · 26/01/2010 22:03

Hey, snap! Spring here as well!

Good luck with the sleep thing; I'm sure you'll crack it!

penona · 26/01/2010 22:59

Ooh, thanks for this, was looking for some tips tonight. Got the same problems, but have twins (sharing a room)- DD would happily go to sleep but DS insists on getting in with her/running around like a loon/opening and shutting the door etc. A friend of mine suggested chaining him to the bed like she does with her dog !!!! And once she's gone to sleep he comes downstairs to find us.....

Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 28/01/2010 21:43

Thanks again guys, it has been sooo hard this week, she just wants me to sit next to her, its taking AGES for her to drift off. Doesn't help she has a bit of a cold too.

Hopefully Speedy we'll crack it before next one,good luck with yours

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Mmmcoffee · 28/01/2010 21:51

Our DD went through a phase like that. We tried everything, were getting very stressed out which was making HER stressed out.

Finally a friend told us to try something and it WORKED. Take her back to bed, every time. Not the 'silent' approach, but a firm "No, it's bedtime." and back to bed, a nice quick tuck in, kiss, "goodnight". And then walk out. Over and over and over again.

We did it 17 times the first night. We counted.

By the fourth night it was twice. And then it stopped dead after about a week. Bliss!

Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 28/01/2010 21:55

Thanks mmmcoffeee, going to try and see if it works. Me and DH will have to take turns as with DC2 on the way makes it hard for me going back and forth. Kids eh

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Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 28/01/2010 21:56

oh and doing the reward stickers too!

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Mmmcoffee · 28/01/2010 23:42

Good luck! Let us know if anything works.

Original poster

2ndtimemummy · 29/01/2010 21:25

woo hoo, mmcoffee and bibbity your methods worked! Took me about 11 times and she stayed in bed and fell asleep.

Obviously still long way to go but here's hoping

Thanks all

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Mmmcoffee · 29/01/2010 21:33

Oh well done 2tmummy! I am SO pleased for you. I hope it continues and gets better and better.

twinmumplus1inthetum · 29/01/2010 21:35

My twins are a few months younger and I have just moved them into their 'big girl beds'. I put a travel cot up in the spare room with one of their old sleeping bags in it ( no nice 'big girl duvet') and told them if they got out they would be put on the travel cot. A bit mean perhaps but they do not get out of bed and I haven't had to use it at all!

penona · 30/01/2010 20:51

twinmum - my DD slept in her travel cot the other night, I was also trying this as a threat but she kept getting up so in the end she went in! DS was terrified he'd have to join her (I bought the second cot down too) and went to bed and straight to sleep!!

(PS, are you really a twin mum expecting another - very brave!!)

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